This is impossible.
Mom and sis went picnicking today near the playground, and since they invited me over I thought it would be kind of rude if I didn't show up, so I did, but when I got there I just froze. I don't know what came over me, but I just sat myself behind a tree a safe distance from them (they hadn't seen me yet) and just stared at them. Just stared at how they were so happy. And I thought to myself, how could I possibly hate them, while I know that if I just made an effort I could be as happy too?
I'm smart enough to realize that happiness is not something you're born with, nor something that is given to you in life. It's something you, and only you, can create. So I just couldn't fool myself. I couldn't hate them for being happy cause I know it's all my fault if I'm not, and that I can get out of this rud myself. I don't know why I don't... I don't know why I still want to go through with this.
But I do.
35 comments:
I see what this is about I think. You want a goal in life because without one life is pointless. So the goal you set for yourself is to end your life. Giving you a goal and a meaning to live.
So if the goal of making a goal is to give you a meaning to live. This a goal=Life But if your goal =Death
Goal=Death=Life=Error!
Set a new goal =P
You could the help your a smart person and well known. From what I see your very talented and you have a good family. Why not do something to help other peoples life?
Well, if you want the whole 'hate' and 'anger' thing to work (which was a great idea by the way), I suggest isolation and having the ones around you hate you. Nothing is more depressing then being alone knowing the ones you used to care for (or still do) do not love you anymore. Just a suggestion, and it might make your death a bit more acceptable.
Also, start listening to very depressing music. The fucking posers from My Chemical Romance don't know shit. Listen to Bright Eyes, Elliot Smith, My Bloody Valentine, and Arcade Fire. Not only are the tone of music sad and melancholy, but he lyrics will show you how pointless and meaningless this life is.
The point to this whole this is not caring anymore.
when you kill yourself can I have your stuff?
suicide when your'e 60 its better you're young and pretty....
pd: i love lsd
can i get your e-mail?? mine is dave_moreno@live.com
happiness isonly real when it is shared.
Btw guys this is fiction go down the right side and find "Suicide isnt sexy" and click on it it will tell you what its about
Honestly, this is the stupidest piece of shit ive ever seen. I know, I understand, nobody understands you blah blah blah. Jesus Christ, life sucks in a lot of ways and guess what, from what I can infer, your life isnt that bad. You could *gasp* find reasons to live like friends, family, lovers, and who knows, poetry? I hate to break it to you, but you are just being extremely selfish and are an attention whore. nothing good comes from your suicide.
Oh, and I know you think you are sooo fucking alone, but guess what, my life fucking blows sometimes. Bad shit goes through my head, I lack sleep, I am unaware of things, afraid of the future. But, unlike you, I choose to live instead of taking the easy way out.
You need to escape from those 2 men. The one is very dominant - and a loud asshole. You are nice looking. You can do better. Lawyerdude1989@yahoo.com
If you think it would be rude not to show up for a picnic then think about how every much more rude it would be to kill yourself.
- Halfdan Reschat
IKTIF
Tania you not going to die yet
You still owe me Child Support bitch,
don't think you're getting out of this
Juna on aika hyvä tapa lähteä,suosittelisin sitä.Tai sit vedät moralla kurkku auki.(<-Läppä,syö mämmiä,se lohduttaa.)
TO DO LIST.
Even though I would beg you to re consider this, I'm aware it's pointless. So I might aswell get to my point. I've been reading your blogs on every day and whatnot and discovored you wrote about a to do list before you die.
I seriously urge you to do some drawings, unless it's already there on your list. It's getting late and I'm getting tired. Meh I'll stop excusing myself. :\ bye. :D
LOL OMG I CHANGED MY MIND DONT KILL YOURSELF. But you can still draw. :)
get yo' wite niggaazz in the ketchen bedtsh
I cannot tell you what you are doing is wrong.
I cannot tell you that this is morbid/strange/Disrispectful or anything else other people may say about this.
I cannot lie and say i support you decision. i understand and respect it, but dont support.
And i cannot sit around without saying what is on my mind.
I have been in a place were you are and yes death seems a hell of a lot easyer then life.
People that call you pathetic, sad, disgracefull and selfcentered really dont know what people feel,
have never been in a situation where everything falls around you. Therefor they will never understand and will never accept.
But i have to say..
People live and die, in between they fuck up, fall, fail, give up, get back on track, love, hate, lose controll, fall, get up and try again. Not in that order of course.
But without this what would life be? Obviously less fucked up, but also less exciting.
Your decision is your decision. It will be honered by several people that feel as you do and see things as you do.
But keep in mind. If you have the strangth to get up chances are things get better, but its always a gamble.
Your absolutely beautiful by the way. And your inteligence is amazing.
This is a tad belated, sorry about that. :)
Hey Tania... I am totally in support of removing yourself from this world in the even that you cant find 3 things to live for.
Can you think of 3 things in life that you enjoy? Sex? Ice Cream? Skinny dipping, eating Pizza and drinking Wine with your friends?
Well, if you cant think of 3 things... Cya!
For another depressive movie, watch Nobody Knows
Well, Tania.. there's not much to say, really.
I can find a hundred reasons to live, 'cause I create my joy and happiness, and simply accepts that there's bad in life. Nobody can change it. And while we think.. what would good be, without bad? Not good, just.. nothing? There's no meaning in life without bad and evil-doing.
Let me quote you this:
"Be granted the serenity to accept the things i can not change.
Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the differance."
That has been my filosophy in bad times. Everyone have had bad times.
I can not say that I'm not against what you do. But I'll maybe have to accept it, though I don't wish you to do it. Suicide is just.. let me put it this way: If one of my friends suicides. I would be angry. On myself, and on the person. On myself, because you think it's your fault. What could you have done to prevent it? Could you have been a better friend/brother/sister/other? It's something that run through your mind, and it's hard to leave out. The person who suicide, leaves so much sorrow, and maybe traumatisizes many people for life. It's a very hard experiance. So when people suicide, I just beg for people not to think of only themselves; but also people around them. Their family, friends and lovers..
I would be mad at the person, because of the thing I just mentioned. That it's actually a very egoistic thing to do.
I've experianced that many people with suicidal thoughts think of it as if "I spare people for my existance. Everyone hates me!". Well, if you but some effort in live, maybe people wouldn't hate you? Maybe they aren't hating you, maybe it's something you think. Or maybe want to believe, to have an excuse for taking the shortcut.
It's just hard for me to believe that suicide leaves to anything good. Specially not in your case.
-Theis G. Fischer.
"I feel life has no greater purpose. We have no great war in our generation..."
keep your sense of humour till the end (the true one)
Lol I found this a few days ago, randomly tossed into the middle of one of Athene's clips, and decided to check it out since you're pretty much a hotty. I read some of the stuff on your site and, as any normal person would react, was like "WTFZOMG?!".. I checked it out again today and decided to check out the comments on this. Lol, I found the post where it says its fake and checked it out and I was pretty relieved. So.. Glad to know you wont be leaving Athene's videos so soon.
And to all the people encourage this: rofl
One does not know what impact he/she will have if any, but it is worth living to try to find out. I have cancer, I know the end is near but it is near for all, the time scale varies, why rush what will happen?
Ha your pretty funny...
But I just don't get it , you want to kill yourself fine:
Step one: you go somewhere high
Step two: (please get this right) you jump,step over the edge,plump into the earth,etc.
I am against suicide but you know it's a pretty simple thing to do
if you want to do it so...
Why you want to count the days?
Practise for a math test?
No?
What's with all the hate and anger too?
To even think about suicide you hate and you are angry alot with someone ---> YOURSELF
So...do it or don't.
Personally I'd rather you didn't do it, cause you know you're pretty and funny. not like me offcourse but you're close!
You should do true porn vid before you suicide with cumshots and other shit.
Dear Tania,
I am very happy that these days you have experience some kinds of happiness which came from the nature, as well as your family.
Also these days I have to carry on my work and have not read your blog, I incessantly, keep praying for you.
My mother had died of cancer five years ago. Yet I tell you, even she felt chemotherapy was painful, she strove; then she turned to Chinese medicine, just kept trying...
During her sickness, she still insisted to cook meals for my father and me as normal, as nothing happened to her...
In the final stage of her life, my father accompanied her; for me, i knew that she turned a lukewarm Catholic during her life, but fortunately, by the grace of God and Our Lady Mary, SHE TURNED BACK TO GOD. I called for a priest, she made her ultimate Confession, received the Eucharist.
I also put religious pictures to comfort her...
At her last breath, my father and I, togehter with some relatives, at her bedside.
See, my mother is an altruist.
And she she loved us until the last breath.
No matter what happen, you are my friend.
Friendship forever.
If you could respond to this message at some point, I have a question for you, It may seem odd, or bad, but how are you going to prove that you have killed yourself, because on that last day, the readers, anyone who actually thinks this is true (my opinion is reserved) but if you truly plan to do this as you say, how will you prove to all of us that you did it?
Raiku91@hotmail.com (my e-mail, please respond, thanks in advance :P)
Happiness... what a sloppy word somehow. Joseph Addison said: "Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for".
I bet you've got something missing there...
So I give you another quote from Aeschylus: "Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times"...
I'm following your blog for quite a while and I'm glad to see that you sometimes feel doubts if you're on the right track.
Let me say one thing; you know the term "in dubio pro reo"? It's about the presumption of innocence. In court typically mentioned as "if there are doubts that someone's guilty, innocence is presumed".
You judge about life before being doubtlessly convinced that it's being "guilty" and already convicted it and judged the punishment,... to end it.
And to sentence "life" to "death" in a process not being fully free of doubts is quite "unfair",...
What I see is that you're constantly trying to ignore the doubts and the facts that would actually question the decision to be appropriate.
I like people focusing on targets they set themselves in life, I believe it's important to build up self confidence, character and also your own charisma. And you should always set yourself targets.
BUT:
In every education where project management principles are being learned, you learn that the most important things about setting "targets" (and this also applies to private life, not just for business!!) are:
- Set targets to be "achievable". Challenging, but achievable.
- Review targets if the situation during the project development changes, if new information, facts or evidence appears that the target might no more be appropriate to be aimed for.
- Be willing to change or adapt your targets if such review shows it's appropriate.
So let me tell you, you don't loose respect for yourself, respect from others,... you not loose your face if you change your plans or whatsoever. Opposite, you win respect, mainly respect for yourself, because you made such process through (many of us did btw, I'm sure,..) and it showed you many faces of life and feelings inside you you maybe wasn't even aware of that they are there,...
So you not have to disappoint neither yourself nor anyone else if you *in dubio pro reo* decide to sentence your life to something else than the "death penalty", to something to improve it's "quality" in all aspects, mainly the ones mentioned at the beginning of my verbal eruption ;-)
I'm sure you could be proud of yourself to have passed all that time with this target in your mind, focusing on it and critically having evaluated and thought about things other people might never think about, and which took you much further in your personality development than maybe any other occasion could have done. And I think you're somehow too smart to throw this all away,....
BTW, sorry for my English,... it's actually only my 3rd language and I'm not a "master" in it ;-) But hope my message got through to you ;-)
This is fake
Uhhhm killing yourself isn't the answer. Killing yourself is the easy way out. Get a grip of yourself and go out and enjoy life and stop your cry for attention. Life is life, you take it day by day. If you have friend and family who you love and love you in return then you need nothing more.
interesting. happiness. something that i find difficult to achieve myself.
it might be true that happiness is something that's to be worked towards. but that's why we live and exist...is it not? why live if there's nothing to care about. you right now may think exactly that..."there's nothing left in the world for me to care about." and because i don't personally know you, it may be true for you.
personally, i believe happiness is the relief to get away from the stressful things in life. people live and go through much more difficult experiences than others, yet they don't complain, and they strive to live longer. why don't those people just give up and start killing themselves then? according to your theory, that's what everyone should do.
but where's the fun in that?
i might understand why you would want to kill yourself, and i have a few theories on why you want to make this event so public - but really, what will this all accomplish? perhaps i am viewing this differently. i see that if i were to take the steps that you're taking now, it would be a waste of other's time and investments that they put into me. and i can't die with a burden like that on my shoulders.
i myself, am going through some difficult times. i reject the possibilities of suicide, because i just think that's just plain stupid. but truth be told, i hate myself. i hate how difficult it is for me to be happy. how i have to put so much effort, so much time and planning, just to be satisfied for an hour. it sucks. but because of my friends and family's determination to stay alive, i too, try staying alive for their sake.
perhaps i care too much about them. but i don't know. im in the process of figuring things out for the better.
i don't know if this really has anything to do with what you think, but if you are somewhat interested in 'talking' more, then feel free to email me: {daegun.lee@gmail.com}
Tania, I am sorry you do not get any love. I am sorry those guys you hang out with don't want to fuck you. I am sorry that I am not there to give you what you need. Warm sweet love that only a proud white man can give to a beautiful pure Aryan woman like you. Love that spouts inside your Aryan vagina, flows freely out of the same. Love that grows and fills your belly with life, radiance and purpose.
Before you kill yourself, come see me. I will show you life is worth living. Your body is a pure temple of love and affection. You are made perfect to give life. Your lips, your big jugs, your pretty face, your wet Aryan vagina.
My e-mail is ryn4hnnty@yahoo.com. Let's get together. I will give you all the joy you need so that you will live to give life. Breed, be fruitful and multiply.
I'll give you happiness, in the form of huge man-meat in your face.
Me too ^_^
"I'm smart enough to realize that happiness is not something you're born with, nor something that is given to you in life. It's something you, and only you, can create."
This is probably the best thing I've read on this blog. It's really self explanatory I'm just giving it more attention so people can try to see what I see when I read it. Some could say it's revealing...
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