Here's a really interesting e-mail reaction I got:
"My name is
. I shot myself in the head 15 yrs ago. I consider myself very fortunate as I obviously did not die. Yes, I was in physical, speech and occupational therapies for a few years, but I have succeeded in returning to school; going to work; getting married; and having a beautiful baby boy. I am going to take your attempt as real and not made up. I hope you contact me so as to have someone who understands what it is you are going through. The world is better with you in it."
Kinda made me wonder...
What if you don't kill yourself, or you survive the attempt, and years from now you're just the happiest person alive... That's something you would've missed out on if you had succeeded. And by "you" I of course mean "I" here, but I'm just generalizing it to not confront myself too much.
I still want to do it.
I think.
69 comments:
ugh shes getting less and less willing to do it.
dont wuss out now, im lookin forward to the day you kill yourself....and a month later when your rottin in your grave and have become forgotten this world will be a better place.
Don't listen to them, My heart would jump a mile high if you decided not to do it. I think you are to important in this world to just disappear. Please don't do it, especially if you have any hesitation.
If you are unhappy, please let me help you find kindness and love.
always yours,
Najef
hi my name is john,i want to talk about your suicide,because i know it isn't worth it, you may think why would i care, i dont even know you but trust me i do care and care alot, i think it will be a waste if you die. who cares what these people say because they just want to be amused, i have a beatiful wife now, a house and a good job and i felt the same way 7 years ago but luckily for me someone changed me and convinced me not to do it and yes it was my wife at the time we did not really know eachover but i know if you live later on you will be much more greatful, you just have'nt gave your life a real chance if you work at it like i did you will find a happy nice life, i will continue to check back in if you wish to contact me for support or to talk about what you are going through i will leave a comment with contact details tomorrow.
The world will miss you Tania.
Penis!
As an avowed non-believer in the institutionalized brainfucking commonly known as religion, I sometimes find myself terrified at the prospect that it's all pointless and leading to nowhere. The tradeoff to not believeing in some giant all-powerful hypocrite who'll embrace you in his loving arms if you joined the right fan club is that it's sometimes difficult to think of any reason why life is better than death. People are naturally inclined to seek validation and purpose from without, and faithlessness makes it a lot harder to get that.
But the fact is, what really makes life worthwhile is your own inner desire to make it thus. If you want to enjoy life, you will. You mentioned Africa in a previous post, and frankly, that's a perfect example of this; even the poorest, most unfortunate people in the world have the ability to enjoy their existance. Being miserable is a personal choice; you already seem to have recognized this through both your recognition that it isn't your family making you want to end your life, and through your abortive attempts to force yourself to be depressed, then hateful.
I mean, think about it. If you could force yourself to be miserable, or to hate, then shouldn't it be equally possible to force yourself to be happy and feel worthwhile? And isn't that ultimately a lot better for you?
I can't give you any reason why you ought to go on living, except that you don't have any good reason not to.
Oh, and ignore all the stupid religious idiots who are trying to use this as a pretext to convert you. They're vultures, preying on the weak. As soon as you make the choice to be happy, they'll realize that you aren't weak, and they'll fuck off.
I really hope and prey that you dont kill your self. Please. Please dont your way to kind and beautiful to do this to your self, you have so much to look forward to, like raising a family, going places and seeing places your have not yet seen, just please listen to me, please i beg you. God bless you.
Dont do it dont please dont do it, im not gonna stop saying this. <3 from california
evreyone click on sucide isnt sexy
on the right side.
i dont get what this is trying to prove? that people who want to
commit sucide can change their
minds? more negative then positive
can possibly come out of this.
look at all the effort that people
are going to in thinking about this
in an attempt to possibly change
her mind.
THIS IS FAKE EVREYONE.
i did to put in this about of effort
in thinking about what i could write
that could hopefuly change this
girls mind.
but then to read that its NOT REAL
i feel as though i have wasted my time.
i hope at the end of this what the
intention of this campaign and its
results are put on display for
evreyone to see.
this has made me feel many emotions
that i now feel as a waste of energy.
i wonder what part i have played
in ur research.
19 days left?
i bet i can predict what is going to 'happen'
she changes her mind and says how
wonderful the world is..
OH WHAT A SUPIRSE IT WILL BE !
i dont think so :|
caN YOU GIVE ME THE EMAIL OF THAT WOMAN PLEASE I WANT TO TALK TO HER IF I FEEL DEPPRESED
life is not about waiting for the storm to pass
its about learning to dance in the rain
im going to click on the thing
at the top.
dont count it in ur reasearch
i only want to see what it does
thanks losers
yeah, wow now you're so subtly and craftily changing your mind, so that all the suicidal fools who think this is real will change their minds as well? sorry babe, you're apparently not good enough of a writer for that (then again it's your second language right so fair enough). This blog was at least entertaining at first but lately it's just been "i really want to do it" "ok i pretty much still want to do it" "ok i kinda want to do it" "maybe" and then poof on day one, the world is worth sticking around for. Pretty formulaic no? have some creativity.
-n i
I agree, your life really does suck. People don't really change.There is no hope.dreary existance...no value/enjoyment...no one will fault you if you can't wait 19 more days.drink the cool-aide now
Yes, drink it now.
suprise everone and do it for real. If you can't pull the trigger i am sure you can find many volunteers. it is better that you take control of your end rather than wait for the hiv to do it's nast job. You should shave your moustache now to save the funeral home the trouble. The pallbearers would certanly appreciate it if you could drop about 20 kilo.
You really do suck. I would rather be dead than be you. If you can drop the kilos and get a decent education things might improve for you. If you don't think you can do it you should drink the cool-aide.
You let Athene degrade you in view of thousands. I understand why you want to end it all. I dont know if therapy can help a subservent like you. I agree that you should drink the coolaide.
get a life insurance policy with your little sister as the beneficiery. make it look like an accident. your sister will be greatful. It's the least you can do after what you have put her through.
elecronic leech. easy cure.
you're so selfish. you're supporting something that can hurt so many people. i hope you live to regret it.
nice way to get the attention of people i doubt she will do it she is not going to do it
if you were actually thinking to do it, your final test is to not care what people have to say if you decide to live.
you will probably live a much happier life not being scared of death and going through this experience all together
remember you probably are atheist just like me, we all end up in the same place, enjoy this experience...
i thought you be dead by now you gorgeous bitch...go drop dead bitch,all talk and no fun..or is this crap the most fun you'll have
i am going to get you tania.lookout,i am sure your waiting for me.you have been told.
Dear Tania,
That Catholic friend.
Go to you tube.com, search for Volcano,Damien Rice.
Listen to it. It is a good song.
I listened to it yeaterday the first time.
tania is going to die in 90 days starting today.i am going to get her and show her how much fun this is.. .
hii tania i love u xoxox
is this is a game or virtual thing or for real??u would die in the virtual world but still live in regular life,
why would u want to shoot uself??
i hope u stay safe and with us,and id marry u if that helps;)
You all do realize this is a fictional blog as is stated directly on the front page by clicking on "Suicide isn't sexy." on the left hand says so directly.
I'm sure i'm not the only one to catch this or comment on it.
Excuse me, right-hand side...my mistake! :)
DO NOT DO IT!
A full family of atention whores...First Athene with his "n1 pala" crap...Now this...
Tania go die please,stop wasting other people time.
There are actualy some idiots who belive you here.
Thank You!!!
I know this mean little to nothing coming from a stanger who barely exist online or in the real world but I love you, and thank you for this.
hello i am lawrence,
I have been in a situation like you. i use to be down, and think that no one in this world will ever need me..although i am a guy who look very happy on the outside i actually hide my feelings and sumtimes when i can't take it anymore i just cry on my bed. I may sound like a sissy but i am not..i read your entire blog..and i enjoy reading ur blog..it it full of pain and feelings. Most of the time i feel really lonely, although i have friends and family around me. But no matter how good they are to me..its like they are like made to do it...erm..i dun relly know how to express this feeling in words. To me loneliness sometimes sux but sometimes i enjoy it. It gives me some time to think back what i have done wrong in my life, what i did, and think of a way to solve it. if i can't solve it..i just let that feeling bug me. Sometimes i build a really strong wall aroung my heart...and i cry within..no matter how much people from the outside try to break in..its unbreakable...its like i am cut out from the world all alone..and taking the pain myself(the pain sometimes is so unbearable and it hurts so bad in my heart). I tried to suicide many times, my mom only found out once...but every time i carved my hand...i also think about my family..although i feel really down and fucked up with the fucking people around me..i can't just give up my life and kill myself (although i am really really tempted to do this almost all the time). but leaving just like that somehow puts a scar on peoples heart...maybe u think that "no..nobody loves me..so its ok to die" but actually watever action we take it hurts someone else. Tania i know when u make announce this to evrybody that you are going to kill urself in 90 days...continue
lawrence continued
i really respect your decision, its ur life, and you have the guts to do it. i have the guts to do it but i choose not to..i am not saying that this decision you choose is stupid.
You are a human, you have feelings, i have feelings. No matter how much pain you feel or how lonely or how fucked up life is...its just better to let it be and continue with life. I know ending our lives seems like a very good choice to run away from this FUCKED UP WORLD..which i really hate. Just at least continue living on although life is really meaningless to you..because there is sure something in life which is somehow you will find worth to live on in the future. Example: you never receive any presents during christmas..and one christmas u just receive a present from someone you don't know..although you dun like that gift..but somehow there is that feeling. sorry..i just dun realy know how to describe it. Tania..if you killed urself..i would cry that sumone who has almost the same feeling as me is lost. If you continue to live on..at least i know sumone outhere in this FUCKINg world is something like me..and who knows one day we can just meet up and become friends and share watever fucked up things in life and share the pain or maybe laugh it away. I am an asian kid and only 19 yrs old...my english is really bad...and if watever stuff i write here u think is bullshyt..i am sorry tania. i just told something out from my bottom of my heart. take care. ***** these stars are for you.
Is this just a media stunt of sorts? I don’t mean any insult nor do I plan on encouraging but this all seems a little too scripted. You’re responsible for a large number of videos on the net so it does look like your trying to draw attention to them.
Whatever or not you do go ahead with this suicide doesn’t really concern anyone out side your life so opening such a decision to the internet for other people to beg you not to or for people to encourage you like “deezy f baby” (April 17, 2008 5:18 PM) saying the world would be a better place, honestly you taking your own life would have almost no effect on the world as a whole just your nearest and dearest.
Attention Whore
Obviously daddy touched you too much, or not enough
dont cry emo kid, nobody cares
why do people still think this is real.
"The first step is awareness..."
With all of this drama, we can see who are the demons and angels...
Demons...Even if this were true, who gives you the right to say who has to comet suicide so easily. This is fake...So? Now do you want that person to comit suicide because you think that your efforts were nothing? Or saying that this place will be better without that person... Is so different from you? Why her and not you?
Angels, in other hand, play the role of the "human being", at least they give support to a person who needs it. Even this person rejects it. Even if this is all a fake. I believe that those who have acted as humans will sleep better.
In short:
Suicide. Why support it? Even if we have been deceived with all of this.
Stick up for life people.
better feminine hygiene will help you get a better boyfriend
Stop that bullshit and also this stupid diary.
If you want some help you are welcomed to come here to germany.
You seem to have a nice life and think about Batman: The Dark Knight!
Stop this madness now!
Taken from below -
"evreyone click on sucide isnt sexy
on the right side.
i dont get what this is trying to prove? that people who want to
commit sucide can change their
minds? more negative then positive
can possibly come out of this."
Its a campaign :/ I do think its great that they are trying to tap into people on a personal level, and target serious yet 'small' affairs. I personally think that nobody would choose to die unless it was for a serious reason or belief, such as the monks in vietnam who performed ritual suicide (Sitting meditating in the street while they were on fire, until they died)or that they cannot bear living any longer.
Im sure everyone has had a point in their life, even for a week, where they seriously considered suicide as an easy way out. I certainly have...When I was pressured so hard in high school this year because of coursework and other school related things. Of course after that all finished I felt better than I did before :D
Bitch, whos body am I supposed to desecrate if you don't go through with it?
And by desecrate I mean rip holes in your skin and shove my enourmous penis into it, eventually cumming into you.
A lot.
Many times.
Me too ^_^
My doctor gave me a grim diagnosis. I find it troubling that someone like you will outlive me. I don't like the way you have conned all of these troubled souls into opening up to you with this ill conceived hoax. If it is popularity you want, you will be in the headlines soon. I will use all of Athene's videos to find where you live. See you soon.
give me a break doh...i will kill my self the next day you kill your self..cause i BET you wont do it you are just a pretty girl that wants fame and nothing else first you say you will get 40k BJ just to draw all attention you ( TV-radio stations-Magazines-blogs -etc ) too fullfill your crappy wannabe famous fellings , ppl like you with no educational status can only do things in their life by these ways, Go and find a Job,have fum with your Friends and leave the fame and Fortune to the ones that can Handle it, you already got your 15 min of bublicity now go to your home and ask for your mommy to bake you cokkies
At my old job, some girl was in debt so bad she decided to try to kill herself by running into a passing train. My old crew leader saw it happen and she lost an arm and a leg but some how she survived....then when they released her from all the therapys and such she still set out to kill herself and did the train thing the same way and it actually killed her.
I don't think that death is never good/needed/sexy.
My cousin went to Jokelas school here in Finland, and shooted 8 people. After a while, he shooted himself to head, but he didn't die instantly. Ambulance drived him to hospital where he died after some hours.
Suicide isn't sexy.
Lol you noobs she's laughing her ass off reading your always yours comments xD
By chance I found your blog while looking at an AtheneWins video on Youtube and I am seriously hoping this is all fiction. If it is real then I hope you do not go through with it. Mine may just be another voice telling you to stop but so be it. It may seem insignificant but its important to me to sway you from your current path. Life is hard. Everyone knows this. But I don't believe Life was ever truly about happiness,love, sorrow or any other emotions we can evoke( although they are important too). Life is about experiences, learning and ultimately appreciation. Whether one believes in a divine being or not does not alter the fact that life is just that: being alive. The longer you are live the more you can experience this mysterious phenomena and although you can not completely understand it, one should atleast try to "live" as much as one can. Ending your own life is the most wasteful form of tragedy. Whether you believe it is a gift from God to be alive or a chance existence, you should still live it to the fullest and find appreciation whenever you can. I don't believe that people deserve to die, for if they are alive there has to be a reason, whether it be divine or cosmic. Instead of killing yourself, I suggest becoming a novelist and keep writing till your graying days for you have a great writing style, both captivating and full of vigor.
P.S.
You said life has no greater purpose. I believe a purpose is an excuse for self-validion ( yes I am guilty of this too). We should look at children for examples on how to live: without purpose except to be.
A concerned human being,
Mark
There are people who believe this to be something other than viral advertising for what is to be an eventual "Surprise! Here's my new movie/product/etc"?
Okay, supposing this is real, it's an anonymous person on the internet. Don't worry, she'll still have a picture out there for you to masturbate to and imagine that you could ever hook up with her.
Telling her not to kill herself is pretty selfish, you know. It's her choice anyway. Besides, the food and space she'll no longer take up will be taken by someone more deserving anyway. I applaud her attempt at population control. More emos should do that.
But, this is not real; make no mistake about that.
this whole thing is just a fake guys...they want the attention to the website, and it's just a sick attempt at getting people to look at their website. mark my word, she'll end up magically changing her mind and surprise! she lives. don't put so much thought into it, honestly. it's crazy that it's just a publicity stunt when in actuality she'd never do porn or any of that stuff. anyway that's my two cents
Life is to valuable to trow away, thinking suicide is an answrew to problems is not an option, killing yourself is the easy way out, u can still use your life to aid others, help people who need help talk to people who want to talk, but most importantly talk to other people who want to kill themselves, you'll notice you're reason could be nothing compared to others peoples problems. Some people are born with a disease or with just 1 arm or leg, or other handicaps, you dont have handicaps, that on it's own is a gift Everybody is valuable to this world,and so are u, dont let anyone tell u otherwise. You say you're life won't make any mayor changes in our generation right? Nobody can make major changes in any generation, it's the little things you do that help the world bend its way's nobody can guide the world. I for one would'nt change the world even if I could, because the problems this world has are not to be changed, they can only be moved from one place to another. What I mean with this is , while trowing away you'r own life as your own choice you will also take many more with you, indirectly you will make it for others more acceptable to kill themselves. Why trow away so many lives while you could save them all? Simply talk to the people, telling them you'r storry could help them understand that death not only ends pain, but it also end's life and joy, and don't forget about family, friends and all other people that you're leaving behind, you're death might make them sad too. I know my words might not even be read by you as you probably get ton's of mail and reactions. But if you should read this... I beg of you to think again, about if this is really what you want? I have no rights to make the dicision for you I know. But I can't help myself thinking that It would be wrong by all means and that you off all people diserve too to live and have joy. Life is a gift, I think it would be a shame if you were to trow your's away. Please I beg of you to stand still a moment, think of all the joy, fun and good things in life, are you willing to leave them behind? And take away you'r future, with it's mysteries witch could bring a new light in you'r life? Please think about it.
If you feel like talking here is my email adres, il more then gladly lend a listening ear : Rutten_maarten@hotmail.com
I dont really know what you personally are going through because Your you and im me. Im not here to talk you in or out of what ever you decide to do, because lets face it its your decision. I can tell you that I have had some of the same thoughts and still to this day there is not a day that goes by that I dont wish or hope that I would just die and get this thing we call life over with. Unfortunatlly I myself cant think of a good way to just do it that wouldn't suck ass in someway or another. well im just ranting I guess not really saying much. what ever you do in the next 19 days (as you already know im sure) you are not alone in feeling this way and I Wish you the best on your journey in this so called life/afterlife. If there is such a thing. good luck stay cool.
YOU ARE CUTE
DONT DO IT
//LUV ANYNOMUS
You can draw attention to yourself by working hard to develop you knowledge, skill and courage. Acting like a cowering idiot might get you a bit of attention but it will be short lived. Then, maybe that is all you are capable of.
PS.
You wont miss from anyone i am sure about it our lifes will be as always the same...you Exist or Not in this world..
19 days left... why can't it be sooner? I mean Athene is your other half so take him with you, please.
Lots of love and a million kisses
Anon
Haha Wat The FUCKKKK Happened To im So Sad i Want To Kill Myself. Wow Someones A Attention Whore. Fuck You
only jst started lookin at the whole athene thing, first of did u actually end up giving 40,000 people head? cause didnt u say 80 in a week? would take faaaaar to long! another you would annoy more people than not if you decided to not do your porn ting before the final axeing. GO Camden in London if you feel your getting bored with life or Amsterdamn, raves wooooooo but every1 at these raves r quaint drug addicts although they r ammaaaazing artists and very social. want teen years back!!! ... eugh im 20 now and only jst come to accept that i must of been in love, in relationship that lasted 2 years in my teens as it was happiest time in life so far, been in few relationships since and not managed to gain the same happy feeling stuff. am i suppose to be making a point for or against suicide? personnly if i was u id try and meet sum random guys that dsnt kno u frm internet go on loads of dates till u go on a looooooooong one thats over half a year long or along..... buuuuuuuuuuut you can't be thinkin bout suicide because u feel people everywhere are opressing you cause thats jst shite, EXPLAIN yourself better i demands it!!! and i hav coursework to do brilliant :/
I really really want to have sex with her.
Tania, I really really want to have sex with you.
Why do you post some pics of you naked? huh you wont feel embarased as long as you going to blow your empty head...come on show us some nice tits!!
dont kill urself. just get some sleep. or get high lay down. but DO NOT kill urself. please
This is quite fake. She's laughing at each and every post that is begging her not to kill herself as she knows she is not. Pretty damn dumb if you ask me! :)
all i can say is if you really going to kill yourself the last 2 weeks or 2 days of your life are gonna be hell cause suicide is sin and god is gonna mess with you to get you out of it. plus its wrong mentally cause i mean most of your audience is 18 and lower . can you honestly show all these people you killing yourself or just telling them! what kind of impact can it make on the youth of today because you have millions of viewers. so if you kill yourself the kids will think its ok cause she had a problem and i have a problem so hey im gonna go die! so instead of thinking of yourself think of the people around you that you are going to make an impact on!
I appreciate what you've done Tania and Athene. No one truly understands what you've salvaged.
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