This is really killing me (again, pun not intended).
I haven't seen my mother all day, so I have no idea if she found my premature suicide letter or not. For all I know she could be reporting me to some psychiatric institution as I'm writing this, or she could've not even found it at all and the letter might by now be a squishy ball of pulp floating around in the washing machine. Somehow I don't really think it's the latter though.
Seriously, as I mentioned before, if she did find it and she's going to try and take steps to prevent my suicide, I'm going to have to end my life sooner than expected, which I am dead serious about (my unintentional puns are the worst). Everyone who has been reading my blog for a while now knows that I'm for real when I say I'm going to kill myself, and the only thing that's keeping me alive for another 66 days is this blog and my commitment to its readers, but if things turn out the way they think I will, I will actually be taking my life one of these days already.
It's a strange and stressing thought that my life may already be over soon, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm not even sure I'm ready for the end yet but there's just no turning back now. I've been writing definite suicide letters to my parents and all of my friends all night just in case, cause if I have to leave this world soon, I'd rather have at least partially prepared for it.
*Heavy sigh.*
To be completely honest, I'm realling getting scared now. Cause I really hadn't forseen this. But I've never been one to back down from my plans.
And I'm not going to start now.
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23 comments:
I think your mom found your note and had a good laugh about it! After all. you said she has a good sense of humor.
^
Ha ha.
I read through this today and I personally missed the entire point. I've attempted suicide before and really don't get any feeling for what you are trying to accomplish with this campaign.
Ipower is for fags.
if you're going to off yourself it's a shame and i for one wish and hope you don't...but if you insist on doing it may i please request that you expose your tits and please allow us to see your nipples?
TIA!!
your lustful admirer
HEY CAN YOU SEND ME YOUR DIRTY PANITES HAHAHAHA
just off yourself already, if you're that serious
It disgusts me how many people actually say, "Just do it already."
Now, I know the true purpose of this Website, so I copy some blog that might help someone who want to end up their life to have conscious thinking with the right mind before doing something that can not be undo.
20 Things I'm Glad Life Taught Me
Posted on 2/13/2008
How many times have you heard someone say, "Hindsight is always 20/20"? If you are like me, you hear it a lot and think it a lot more. Last year Jay wrote an article listing things he wished he'd known earlier. It got me thinking that the most crucial lessons in life and success aren't taught in books or written on blogs, but they are found by living life itself.
Sure, there may be nuggets of wisdom that we pick up from Dumb Little Man, Zen Habits, or Life Remix, but it is up to us individually to act upon them and learn the lessons. If it takes a failure for us to learn something important, so be it.
Here are 20 things that I personally came to understand and believe in. Your 20 could be totally different. Perhaps you only have 5, it doesn't matter. The key is that you learn from your life, your failures and your successes. Neglect any one of those and you are taking a rocky road to learning and personal development.
1. You must create and look for opportunities: Opportunities rarely ever come knocking on the door of someone who's not seeking them. You have to create and seek opportunities for yourself. You have to take the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors opening.
2. Negativity will only bring more of it: When you focus only on negativity, obviously that's all you will see. You will not seek out positivity, and even when positivity comes into your life, you'll look for the negative part of it.
3. Where you are does not determine where you can go: It doesn't matter if you're homeless or living in a mansion, poor or rich, or if you have a 4.0 grade point average or "failing", it won't make any difference in the future. There are countless rags to riches stories to back this point up. If you have the drive and talents, you can go anywhere. You create your own limitations and horizon.
4. If you can't help others, you can't help yourself: Even if it's just to hold the door for someone or some other simple gesture, it will do wonders for your life. You'll feel great and you'll eventually be returned the favor sometime during your life, whether you realize it or not. If you don't want to help others, then others won't want to help you, and nor should they.
5. Follow your passion, money will follow: If you have passion and have fun doing your job, then I wouldn't consider it a job. You can focus on creating even more passion for that subject and money will eventually follow you. If you focus only on the money, it won't come because you're focused on the quantity of your work and not the quality.
6. Enjoy yourself: Have fun as much as possible, don't take everything so seriously. Push your worries aside and bring enjoyment closer.
7. If it were easy everyone would do it: This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true. If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires. Making money and accomplishing tasks is hard work, but well worth it.
8. Planning is good but so is being spontaneous: Planning ahead in business and in life is important but so is being able to quickly change that plan. Various people and events will get in the way of your plans, so you have to be able to modify or forget your plans at times. Be spontaneous once and awhile, it makes life interesting.
9. You have many talents: You may be a talented athlete or musician but you probably have ten more talents you don't even know about. When people find something they're good at, they only focus on that instead of seeing what else they can do.
10. Don't work hard without rewards: What's the point of working hard to follow your dreams if you aren't going to treat yourself along the way. Each little or big goal you accomplish should be rewarded with a proportionate treat, maybe a day off or a big slice of cake.
11. Money does bring happiness: As I said, you shouldn't be chasing money but when you do earn it, you know you've been accomplishing something. It feels great and brings you happiness because you know you'll have more freedom and time to do what you want.
12. Someone always has it worse: At times you may be having a bad day, but stop yourself and think about it; there has to be millions of other people are having a worse day than you.
13. You'll need others: Make as many friends as you possibly can and never burn bridges. You will need others for your success.
14. Being open-minded is the key to more knowledge: If you want to know more about the world you have to be open-minded. Give everything a chance.
15. Failure is great: One of the most important, if not the most important steps to success is failure. You have to fail at least once, but it's better if you've failed multiple times. You can learn so much more from your failures than you could any other way. And when you finally achieve success, you'll appreciate it so much more.
16. Most people are actually nice: This is something I've only recently realized. Most people are nice, but not usually to strangers. Once they get to know you and you get to know them, they will most likely seem like very nice people.
17. Words and thoughts control everything: What you say and think will ultimately become reality. If you say you're going to fail, then you will because you'll find a way to make it happen. If you say you're going to succeed, the same will happen, you'll find a way.
18. Your view is the reality: How you see an event or situation is how it exists. If you see something as tragic and negative then that's what it means to you. If you see something as exciting and positive, then that's what it is.
19. Inspiration and motivation are everywhere: I don't care where you are, there is something there that can motivate and inspire you. You can be at war is some far away country, in horrible conditions, but there will be something there to keep you going and strive for something better. You just have to recognize it and keep it with you.
20. You can change the world: Every single person has the ability to change the world whether directly or indirectly. When you change your life and the lives of those around you, you've changed the world. Small things that you do can make a huge impact on the world.
can we do it before you kill yourself?
Bye bye!
Hey,
I have been reading for a couple of days now... I have to say at first I thought it was a joke. But I really don't know. I was just wondering what it would take for you to want to live. I mean is there anything that could make life worth it for you and if there is what is that? Anyway if I don't hear from you, all the best. Perhaps you will find what you are looking for.
Mayotta Shi
Have you considered a collective suicide of all your fans? That can generate more cash don't you thing?
Hi lady,
You written again about the afraid feeling of been enclosed (locked), right, please, remember i.e all the political prisoners in the world, all the kidnapped people in the world, and their really afraid feelings, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. That’s die.
It would be nice to start a campaign for all those people.
Why did you choose suicide topic?
I read all these people comments, and I start thinking this is not helping too much people. (It would be great just one person).
Please lady, try to do something really useful of it.
I mean, it’s your experiment, ok, you are measuring it all (your blog are connected with two or three powerful statistics sites who’s giving you a lot of information about us, your readers), try to get some feedbacks too, not only this comments pool, try to request more data from your readers, try to really avoid suicides in the future (at least one!).
I know it’s not easy and you are just 25 years old, lady.
Good luck!
Today’s suicide song:
- The Dandy Warhols
Bohemian Like You
Sincerely Yours,
40.001 Admirer,
NoReplyBox
Tania, It should be fairly obvious to you that suicide is likely the most selfish act a human being can commit. On that basis only, were it not for my own morals, I almost hope you go through with your plan in an effort to rid the world of another worthless, self involved entity. On another level the sheer hypocrisy of this blog kills me (to use one of your puns). That aside.. I nearly pissed myself laughing at your role in the Athene "Japanese tribute". You should take a more active role in the videos, after all, you're obviously the only reason anyone watches them.
People who post comments such as "kill yourself now so!" are so disgusting ...
I don't know if this suicide blog saves lives, I hope so but am not convinced. I just hope it has not the opposite effect and don't push people to suicide, which could actually be the case...
You're a disgrace. I joined your mailing list more for the film, and now to get messages about your suicide. Simply, I don't care if you do it or not. I don't want to know. You should be ashamed you self indulgent, self centred attention seeker.
I can't beleive people are actually just saying "Go ahead and do it already." that's absolutely disgusting, that's the equivelant of murder, you know? I can't beleive humanity has gotten so low.
However, people should really take a look closer at what this is I shall quote IPower;
"A unique internet campaign is changing the mentality of suicidal teens all over the world. Some even say it 'saved their life'.
The campaign, in the form of a fictional blog, has only been running for a few weeks and is already getting thousands of positive responses from people who have had to deal with suicide in their lives. More than ten people thus far have mailed to say it changed their mind about committing suicide and effectively saved their lives.
The website's popularity is gaining momentum at an incredible pace and since the campaign will run for several months, it looks like it will be saving hundreds of lives worldwide.
See the blog at
http://tania.movielol.org
Suicide is one of the leading causes of death for young people, yet it is treated as a topic that isn't open for discussion. This campaign is breaking the silence surrounding suicide and the isolation that so many people feel when coping with suicidal thoughts.
With the recent wave of teen suicides in Wales, the media put a spotlight on the growing trend of the online glorification of suicide. The '90 Day Tania' blog tackles the whole online phenomenon in a very unique way: it pulls people into an exaggerated version of the diary of a suicidal person, only to discover on a hidden part of the website that it's a work of fiction, designed to make people think about the seriousness of the issue. Anyone who attentively surfs the website also finds links to suicide prevention organisations and self-help groups for related issues.
The campaign is an initiative of I Power. We are a group of internet activists who before have done international stunts like the satirical '40,000 blowjobs' campaign which raised international political awareness. But the success of this campaign is of an even larger magnitude as it is saving many lives around the world."
The person writing this is not seriously considering suicide but rather letting people know the severity of the topic and allowing people to understand how someone considering suicide might work, also allowing those people to have someone else to open up to, after all there's not many people you can talk about suicide to. Don't blow it off because she isn't serious if it is truly helping people then good, keep it up.
DONT DO IT PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You really dont undertsand what your doing, life is a gift and there is a purpose for your life!
i think your mum is a bitch
What if they find your blog? Then what will you do?
Thanks to the Creator, The Ipower Crew and Tania,11:11.
-Jason
familian1111@yahoo.com
how bad can it be.i just found out my wife of 24 yr'shas been cheating on me with3 men.i am 40 yrs old.i'v hade 6 back sugerys and need a 7th.i also have 1 eye one is glass.i have arthritice in all my jount's .from building houses for 20yrs.i thought about the same thing.i have 5 kids 4 boys and 1 girl.it takes time to fix your soll.if you have peolpe that love you.they have to live with this for there life its not fair to them.life is what you make it.please dont do it
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