Sunday, March 9, 2008

58 days left...

Okay, carving is definitely not my thing.

I tried it today (cutting on myself, that is) and it like totally sucks. I made like a small incision in forearm and it just started hurting and bleeding so I stopped and put a band-aid on it immediately. Who would ever want to do that? I mean, it's nowhere near as painful as life can be sometimes, granted, cause life can really suck, especially mine, but still.

I ate ice cream as compensation for the pain. Then I listened to an emo compilation that I had actually put together for my final moments but I just felt like listening to it already. I also bumped my ankle against the corner of my bed today; the ankle that was already sprained, so that sucked too.

Basically everything except for the music listening sucked today. Yay for me.

29 comments:

Def_poet6 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Def_poet6 said...

"I know you're not going to kill yourself? How do I know you're not going to kill yourself? Well, this has already been done... Type "90 day Jane epic-fu" in youtube or google. ....It was just a project...(Here's the link http://youtube.com/watch?v=mjs6FEP6vzs ) Did you really where's the cut?

Anonymous said...

I love the whole 'cutting' yourself thing, I'm sort of sad though that you didn't slip and actually cut your wrist. Bummer!

Anywho, counting down the days to your suicide.

I'M SO EXCITED!

Thanks!
Me

Anonymous said...

Are you going to pose nude? At least make someone happy!

Def_poet6 said...

Impressed to see you replied to my comment by posting that picture... Nice arm, hope you don't expect me to believe that its yours. If it is you'd show your entire body posing. Sorry for ruining your bit, but the only good trickster is one who can catch the tricks (pun intended :D ).

Anonymous said...

if you're gonna kill yourself let me get a crack at your crack first

Anonymous said...

Well cutting doesn't work for you I guess :) You find your peace in the ice cream, good for you, for others ice cream doesn't work.. Others need the knife..

Take care Tania :)

Anonymous said...

I think your faking and just trying to see how people react if your not it makes me angry that you would chronicle this making other people feel bad about themselves if your not faking you should stop and just kill your self now your wasting space.

Anonymous said...

you are not going to kill yourself. u wanna now why? cuz a day or 2 before your D-day one of your close ones will drug you and chain you to a bed.
and when your D-day pass. you will no longer have desire to commit suicide, since you have failed to do so...

Anonymous said...

Hi Lady,

Self hurting is the worse idea, always,
phisically and mentally, bad choose.

Cheer up,

Suicide song 4 today (listen it lady):

- Muse:

BLACKOUT

Sincerely Yours,

40.001 Admirer,

NoReplyBox

aesoo said...

I think you touched on a really good one, alot of people that do committ suicide, I think start with way to release pain, which cutting is themselfs. I a sure there has to be another way to release pain other than cutting yourself. I will ponder on it.
Tania, your goal will help alot of people I feel. Keep on going, you will get there. Ipower it up.
Paul....aka Aesoo

Anonymous said...

I have been coming in here and checking up on you a cupple of times, one time i read almost every message and the other time i just browsed quickly thru them. I dont like people ho commit suicide, i dont like the idea of someone ho i dont even know doing it, I find myself not believing you, but still you made me think about it enough to write this message.

Touche, you got to me

Anonymous said...

hiya iam from holland and looks like youre getting world wide attention good4you the only thing i dont get is the reason you want to commet suicide what is youre ultimate goal and what do you hope people reactions wil be te be honest i think you must be stupid to wanna kill youre self youre good looking must be smart to make this..... i hope you make the time to reply to me this is my e-mail hiya iam from holland and looks like youre getting world wide attention good4you the only thing i dont get is the reason you want to commet suicide what is youre ultimate goal and what do you hope people reactions wil be te be honest i think you must be stupid to wanna kill youre self youre good looking must be smart to make this..... i hope you make the time to reply to me this is my e-mail hiya iam from holland and looks like youre getting world wide attention good4you the only thing i dont get is the reason you want to commet suicide what is youre ultimate goal and what do you hope people reactions wil be te be honest i think you must be stupid to wanna kill youre self youre good looking must be smart to make this..... i hope you make the time to reply to me this is my e-mail zadkineboekhouder@live.nl wel hope you read this and reply
yours
Matthew

Anonymous said...

oh darn it looks like my previous blog some how copied itself hope you can figure it out hope ya reply
yours
matthew

Anonymous said...

Hey Tania, 90 DAYS until you end your life, as you know it at least eh?

You know surely even as much as people say Athene is a loser etc, I dunno, surely being his g/f can't be so bad that it'd make you want to kill yourself?! just break up with him and come to dinner with me instead *laughs* ok so theres my corny crappy intro done..

I truly hope u are being symbolic with your this and perhaps just committing e-suicide.

One simple reason I'd say against you doing it is because its simply fucking selfish. Ok so maybe Athene wouldn't cry but hey maybe he would :P

I mean from what I've seen of you, you seem like someone who could actually get somewhere in your life unlike many others who are stuck in little ruts created by society/ government/circumstance/family
/warzones/religion/apathy/that futile feeling most of us have at some point or another/that feeling of being totally alone no matter where you go or whose company you keep. All of these things can be legitimately crippling to any sort of development or forward movement, but then that depends on the person affected or afflicted by any of the above, some of us just keep going anyway.

So why not use what you have to actually improve the state of this fucked planet instead of joining the detritus with your corpse?

Personally I've often contemplated suicide, so while we may have different motives as to why end this life, I do understand in many ways.

Though at the time I didn't think about the advertising potential or setting a timeframe on it, I merely weighed up my motives for it which were many, and reached the eventual conclusion that like you I can actually do something with my life to try and improve the state of the planet, so what if we're all just raindrops in the ocean of human existance. Look around, people are homeless, governments are fucking people over left right and centre, religion is indoctrinating billions
then there are other groups that are tearing up chunks of the world the cia(by the way created by nazis), the masons, various mafia groups, and the vatican are all fucking with peoples freedom and no-one really anywhere seems to be truly making any step forwards, democracy fails because we live in policed states, even the internets freedom of speech is over these days, everything is censored, people are dying every few seconds, So I totally agree, and have lived in an agreeance wondering of course what is the point to existing?

The only answer I came up with is, to change things with every last breath you can.

anyways, I feel I've ranted a fair bit, even if this is the last opportunity I have to contact you.

So, I wanted to say thanks for being in some of those vids on youtube, the wow training one was the funniest thing I think I've seen in a long time. Strangely its one of the few things that have kept ME on this planet.

However, if this is just your idea of some kind of publicity stunt, well done, what a great idea, you made me think about what I could possibly say to you, amongst many other things, hence such a long rant. This would have generated some hype from others, which in turn gets people to think about more than their own sorry little lot, which, until everyone in the world knows how to shift the perspective from their own little 'want' circle not much will change, so its a small step forwards..

So Regardless, of the fact that I, words on a page to you at this stage might feel a sense of loss if you were to end your life, regardless of the fact that I do not know you, and regardless of the fact that I may never know you, good luck with whatever you decide.

If you decide to do it, just make sure you don't fuck it up and have to spend the rest of your days crippled or maimed in some way.

but back to the alternate possibility of you being 100% serious and definately going to end your existance in a short time, then all I can say is
what a fucking waste.
*disappointed*
*waves sadly*

Anonymous said...

hey i just saw atheen today, and i thought that shit was real funny... and how you show your cleavage all the time... pretty sexy... but killing yourself? I'm kinda scared to see what's on the other side... at least pull crazy when your 90 days are up and go on a rampage kill some cops and shit... and lot's of people prolly tell you don't do it or it's a joke or what not, but nobody is that far gone to come back and want to live... like if you need someone to talk to i'll listen cause it makes me sad that someone would want to commit suicide like i'll help so hit me back my names brennon

Anonymous said...

Human life is fleeting, there are ups and downs, beauty and darkness. Your perception is what drives you and if all you see is those horrible things from life I am sorry. Emotions give you your soul and to have experienced them the range and depth for which you can handle life's situations. Do something worthwhile and something horrible and you can feel the difference in your heart. This is more of a description than a reason but it gives some validity for what I am about to say; do it.
Have a good explanation for the people around you and show them how powerless they were to stop it. Suicide is usually done for selfish reasons and explain how it wasn't selfish that you took your own life. The only true reason to keep living is to feel good and have satisfaction with yourself. You are not in a happy place, maybe you should change your point of view.

Anonymous said...

This is hillaroius

Anonymous said...

if she does it or not, you still shouldnt talk about her like that cloudnight. what are you thinking when you write such rude comments.

anyways tania, i loved you in all of athenes clips and ipower clips. there is so much in life to do, i still dont understand why you would want to end your life so soon. your gorgeous and have so much going for you.

please dont kill yourself.

chris herring

Anonymous said...

idiot. im addicted to cutting myself. it's not because i want to kill myself. you get a big thrill because of all the endorfins that is produced. think of it as doing drugs, with out any halucinations. you just feel great! and all you loose is a little blood.

Anonymous said...

id like to respond to the blog about giving reasons to live.

i can not offer u any.

i can imagine u must already have gotten the question WHY are u killing urself think everyone that has commited that act has heard that question (asuming they survived their suicide ofcourse)
id like to ask it the other way around why not kill urself. i for one can not find a single reason to get out of bed and drag myself true yet another one of these fantastic days (sarcasme im not realy good at it)
life is boring for the most part and if ur not a lucky person u probably are very unhappy. this thing called life is just being draged out way to long.
wish i had ur resolve and i would take my own life like u do. but as it stands i dont have the courage for it. i salute u my girl

davidofke

ps posted under anonymous cause i dont like registring to a million sites

Anonymous said...

On Sunday March 2nd, 2008, I lost a close friend of mine, Robert Christopher Tizon. He committed suicide after coming home to an irate stepmother. I still can't get over it. The full military funeral was the worst experience of my life, and the final solemn salute I made to his father was the worst thing I have ever experienced.

The scary part about it was, Tizon was not the guy to do something like this. Tizon was the guy who would talk you out of it. Not a soul has ever seen him without a smile, and he was never depressed or took meds. He had a full scholarship to Embry-Riddle Aero College, and then this happened.

This website may be to prevent suicide, but i'm afraid that it may instigate it. please. for god sakes, take this off. i don't want to lose another one of my best friends. your not supposed to bury your best friends. not at this age.

John Patrick said...

OUCH!!!
The picture today hurts me. I usually enjoy visiting this website. But today's picture make me react in a negative way.

If you put more pictures like this on the website, I will have to stop visiting it. Sorry to be so sensitive, but that is the way I really feel.

- John

Anonymous said...

you know what, I'll help you :)
I will KILL you, I know where you live, so this is not gonna be a problem to me.
When?
Sunday will be a great day to KILL you
see ya!!! :)))))))))))

Anonymous said...

When you cut your self of course it will hurt. But when you saw the blood and then felt it come out did it not feel good? All the bad things inside your body come out including the pain from the cut. When the blood come out you can feel all the pressure of everything inside relieved. It feels so good that it makes me cry. And then I feel ashamed because everyone told me that cutting myself is bad. Then I cry and need to cut again to releive the pain. The pain is noting compared to the relief you feel. It's hard to describe but you have to try it again....and again. I promise it will feel so good that you won't want anything else. Just don't let anyone catch you or see the cuts. My family found out and now I'm not alowed to have any sharp objects. My room gets searched once a week as well as my body. They never know where to look and I can make such small cuts now that they are almost healed in a few days. I want to make bigger ones when I move out.

Anonymous said...

Guys.
Most of you are just a mindless animals that can't control their libido, and hardly can be called a human xD.
Tania.
This blog was a great idea ^^. Let's hope it will make some people change their lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

Relax Naoryo. Its witty comedy and its hilarious! They know its fake which makes their nonchalantly request for her ass so damn hilarious! P.S. Anonymous who offered to help her kill her was hilarious too.

Anonymous said...

Dumb bitch.

Anonymous said...

I tried too:P
I' m glad this isn' t real...
It' d be a shame if tania comitted suicide:P
I know where this comes from.
A headbangers journey, isn' t it?
It' s carved, and then they light it so that it stay in your arm like a tattoo:)
this is a real good blog!:)