I am an idiot.
My mother came to get some of my laundry today since I sprained my ankle and can't really walk properly, so I just gave her the clothes I had worn the week before. Then I suddenly realized (like two hours too late) that I had left my suicide note - the one I included in yesterday's blog, in my jeans.
So the last few hours I've just been sitting here in my room wondering if she found it, which she probably did, and if so; wondering how she reacted to it. I mean seriously, what could be worse for a suicidal person than to have the people around her uncover her plans before they're executed (pun not intended)? This is even worse than a failed suicide attempt! It's a suicide attempt failed in such a degree that it hasn't even happened yet! I am such an idiot.
I feel obliged to tell my readers that because of this I have taken serious measures. Supposing that my mother found out, if she comes to talk to me about it and takes it seriously - not thinking it was some kind of stupid joke, I will be killing myself that same day. I simply can't risk her having me put in some institution where they'll "keep me from harming myself".
So if this is the last day I write this blog, you know why.
Thanks for reading, all!
Tania
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34 comments:
How are yoi going to do it? Pills?
dont do it!!!! and your so beautiful, what a waste!!
youre so stupid and this is the fakest shit i ever heard. die now please
Killing yourself seems so “yesterday” they fine your body, everyone says their sad words and talk about you over the next year or so. Memories of you dwindling away, sparking back to consciousness every once in a while when someone passes your picture on the wall. Sad and Depressing, but who cares you will be dead right. But… What if you add a little more drama and suspense to the movie? In stead of just killing yourself in your room or something simple like that (it’s already been done, hello), create a treasure map with clues that people will have to work out. A trail of crumbs leading to the next clue, you have 68 days! You could have people working this treasure hunt to find your body (for days or longer) with the slim hope that they just might find you in time to stop it. It could be GLOBAL, if you can just make the clues a little difficult, maybe your friends and family won’t be able to figure it out but if the clues start entering the media then who knows. Even if they don’t figure out all the clues, they will eventually find your body and then they will spend years trying to figure out those clues and the why’s. Then your family becomes famous and rich because of all the books and movies about you, and your death has purpose. Think about it. Memories of you will be shared with everyone and you will not be forgotten so easily.
DarkVamp...
Can you get your tits out before you go? cheers!
Don't do it please, never do it
Giere da sommige mense denke da gij het echt zou doen :p Eve een netlog toestand in het commentje brenge en toch nog eve zegge da ge een mooi meiske zijt.. ge moogt altij is kome leze :p mr kdenk ni da ge het heel goe zult vinne omda ik eigelijk ni kan schrijve.. ng een verre weg te gaan kzou niet wete wa'k in 90 blogs zou moete schrijve .. ik weet het het zijn vele vragen, maar ik ben dan ook een nieuwschierige gast ^^ is je enkel echt gekneust of is dat gewoon voor wat vulling te geve aan het verhaal?
Bye.
Athene already lost Furious. Don't leave him all alone!
wat hapn to furious?
Now, I know the true purpose of this Website, so I copy some blog that might help someone who want to end up their life to have conscious thinking with the right mind before doing something that can not be undone.
20 Things I'm Glad Life Taught Me
Posted on 2/13/2008
How many times have you heard someone say, "Hindsight is always 20/20"? If you are like me, you hear it a lot and think it a lot more. Last year Jay wrote an article listing things he wished he'd known earlier. It got me thinking that the most crucial lessons in life and success aren't taught in books or written on blogs, but they are found by living life itself.
Sure, there may be nuggets of wisdom that we pick up from Dumb Little Man, Zen Habits, or Life Remix, but it is up to us individually to act upon them and learn the lessons. If it takes a failure for us to learn something important, so be it.
Here are 20 things that I personally came to understand and believe in. Your 20 could be totally different. Perhaps you only have 5, it doesn't matter. The key is that you learn from your life, your failures and your successes. Neglect any one of those and you are taking a rocky road to learning and personal development.
1. You must create and look for opportunities: Opportunities rarely ever come knocking on the door of someone who's not seeking them. You have to create and seek opportunities for yourself. You have to take the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors opening.
2. Negativity will only bring more of it: When you focus only on negativity, obviously that's all you will see. You will not seek out positivity, and even when positivity comes into your life, you'll look for the negative part of it.
3. Where you are does not determine where you can go: It doesn't matter if you're homeless or living in a mansion, poor or rich, or if you have a 4.0 grade point average or "failing", it won't make any difference in the future. There are countless rags to riches stories to back this point up. If you have the drive and talents, you can go anywhere. You create your own limitations and horizon.
4. If you can't help others, you can't help yourself: Even if it's just to hold the door for someone or some other simple gesture, it will do wonders for your life. You'll feel great and you'll eventually be returned the favor sometime during your life, whether you realize it or not. If you don't want to help others, then others won't want to help you, and nor should they.
5. Follow your passion, money will follow: If you have passion and have fun doing your job, then I wouldn't consider it a job. You can focus on creating even more passion for that subject and money will eventually follow you. If you focus only on the money, it won't come because you're focused on the quantity of your work and not the quality.
6. Enjoy yourself: Have fun as much as possible, don't take everything so seriously. Push your worries aside and bring enjoyment closer.
7. If it were easy everyone would do it: This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true. If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires. Making money and accomplishing tasks is hard work, but well worth it.
8. Planning is good but so is being spontaneous: Planning ahead in business and in life is important but so is being able to quickly change that plan. Various people and events will get in the way of your plans, so you have to be able to modify or forget your plans at times. Be spontaneous once and awhile, it makes life interesting.
9. You have many talents: You may be a talented athlete or musician but you probably have ten more talents you don't even know about. When people find something they're good at, they only focus on that instead of seeing what else they can do.
10. Don't work hard without rewards: What's the point of working hard to follow your dreams if you aren't going to treat yourself along the way. Each little or big goal you accomplish should be rewarded with a proportionate treat, maybe a day off or a big slice of cake.
11. Money does bring happiness: As I said, you shouldn't be chasing money but when you do earn it, you know you've been accomplishing something. It feels great and brings you happiness because you know you'll have more freedom and time to do what you want.
12. Someone always has it worse: At times you may be having a bad day, but stop yourself and think about it; there has to be millions of other people are having a worse day than you.
13. You'll need others: Make as many friends as you possibly can and never burn bridges. You will need others for your success.
14. Being open-minded is the key to more knowledge: If you want to know more about the world you have to be open-minded. Give everything a chance.
15. Failure is great: One of the most important, if not the most important steps to success is failure. You have to fail at least once, but it's better if you've failed multiple times. You can learn so much more from your failures than you could any other way. And when you finally achieve success, you'll appreciate it so much more.
16. Most people are actually nice: This is something I've only recently realized. Most people are nice, but not usually to strangers. Once they get to know you and you get to know them, they will most likely seem like very nice people.
17. Words and thoughts control everything: What you say and think will ultimately become reality. If you say you're going to fail, then you will because you'll find a way to make it happen. If you say you're going to succeed, the same will happen, you'll find a way.
18. Your view is the reality: How you see an event or situation is how it exists. If you see something as tragic and negative then that's what it means to you. If you see something as exciting and positive, then that's what it is.
19. Inspiration and motivation are everywhere: I don't care where you are, there is something there that can motivate and inspire you. You can be at war is some far away country, in horrible conditions, but there will be something there to keep you going and strive for something better. You just have to recognize it and keep it with you.
20. You can change the world: Every single person has the ability to change the world whether directly or indirectly. When you change your life and the lives of those around you, you've changed the world. Small things that you do can make a huge impact on the world.
Written by Andrew Galasetti of Lyved
Original blog can be see by visit this web page : 20 Things I'm Glad Life Taught Me
plz don't die. you're too pretty to do so
Why would do you think your mother will enclose you instead talking about your problems together?
March coming, Smile.
Suicide song 4 today:
- Manu Chao:
Bongo Bong je ne t'aime plus
(Manu sings like your iPower friend, listen it! ;-)
Sincerely Yours,
40.001 Admirer,
NoReplyBox
suicide may not be sexy but you sure are!!! sn etilauqa
I think killing yourself is not an option...life sucks i know.I'm only 19 yrs old but I've a hard life.Live only for the good days!:D
And I dont care that 90 Day Tania is only a fiction,I'm very happy because
I had a chance to write down my point!
I hope my english was understandable enough...
please tape it, and make somebody sell it to a tv network, then your mother will get some money.
Don't forget to get some sort of life assurance
Yes, finally some action!
I was watching random videos on Youtube when Athene's clips showed up. 96% of the crap that comes out of his mouth isn't funny but I kept watching because the blonde man intrigued me. Then I saw you and your tits, insisting in being stared at, irresistible, so nice and friendly, posessing anyone who dares to look. However, it was your eviternal side glance which left me wanting to know. I needed to click tania.movielol.org.
As I said, I had never heard of you and this website. I googled your name to see if there was controversy on your so-called suicide. I was surprised to find out that you're very well known and you were actually a candidate to the senate of your country.
All these things left me wondering who the fuck are you. I read half your journal, I still doubt the seriousness of it but I have to say I like you. We share the same concept of life. I know I will kill myself some day, and it's somehow comforting to know that you, somebody else, will do it for the same reason I will.
I'm 19 with interesting talents and, modestly good looking. I think I'll expect for the ultimate experience and then I'll let go. You're 25 , what was that ultimate experience?
You've intrigued me as much to augur an unquiet sleep tonight. All in all, I'm dumber than you for expecting you to read this and pitiful for expecting you to retort.
P.S.: Why the fuck did you lose weight? It affected your face, you idiot.
FLY ME TO THE MOON LET ME PLAY AMONG THE STARS* SO IF YOUR GOING TO KILL YOURSELF SUCH A SELFISH THING TO DO IT'S TO EASY! I GUESS YOUR A MINDLESS NOBODY.I COULD GIVE MORE ADVISE WHY? SAY HI TO SATAN 666 DAMNATION OR GOD IF YOU SAVED SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF FROM DEATH! I HAVE SEEN SO MUCH DEATH IN MY LIFE TIME THAT THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED! DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN YOUR MIND!
You realize when you're dead, the world goes on and you don't exist. There is no heaven. There are no ghosts. Life isn't a movie or a novel. Your past, your present, your friends, your enemies, everything will be non-existent because you are non-existent. You'll be at the same state you were before you were born. Remember? No, nobody does. That's death. Non-existence. Life is a gift and YOU control it. You have plenty of time to be dead when you're dead, but life is short. Grin and bear it, absorb it for all it's worth, the good and the bad. At least it's something. Death is nothing.
Dear Tania
The IFA (Internet Fake Announcement) knows what you and Athene are doing. We also know, that you are the producter. We wont WATCH, how you create fakes in the Internet. We will handle.
-IFA
thousands of Arabs will celebrate when you finally kill yourself. and they will chant "Allahu Akbar"
This seems to be fake, but if not I write this to you Tania.
You are weak, pathetic, and stupid. Only weak fools would ever have even the slightest thought of suicide. You must learn to become strong. Suicide is quiting, giving up, suicide is to surrender.
I do not think you will go through with it and I hope you will not. I am not saying you don't have the guts to do it, but rather I need you to have the guts not to do it. Though I do not know you or know anything about you Tania I care.
You claim not to care about what others think on the matter but if that were true you would not have a note, a website, or a timer count down. Tania you do care. Tania you ask people what you should wear. What you should be doing is asking yourself what you want to wear. Do not think about what others think or want you to do just do what you want to do. If you can not think of what you want then help others to achieve what they want. Tania really think on this you don't want to be suicidal that is why you made all this.
Tania if you ever feel bared from joy speak to your friends and family or if not that then just say screw it and go out to a movie or the mall. Go do something you don't normally do and have fun, think of nothing else.
Tania you need not be weak. You can be strong and willful. Tania you are a pretty girl. It would be a crime against the world to bring harm upon yourself.
I wish we could speak face to face so that I could better explain things to you. Huh I would even stop you myself if it came to it. Please live.
Tania I have something I would like you to do. I want you to look into a mirror. Ok now when you look into the mirror Tania smile. Just smile whether you feel like it or not and look into the mirror smiling with a nice big smile for at least ten seconds. If you still feel the same then do this every morning. You will change.
TANIA PLEASE LIVE. I will remember this always.
Tania even if you and everyone else doesn't care I always will and always have. Remember that.
you are pathetic, think of the real peope suffering in this world and overcoming lifes shit, your problem is that you dont have enough to worry about ,your bored to hell and too lazy to get off your ass and do something constructive: wendy
i once thought about killing myself, but it wasn't really a thought cos if i was gonna cap myself i'd break into a bank or something then i would prolly just not kill myself
WHY NOT TODAY. "KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, WHY DON'T YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU TAKE UP SPACE FOR SOMEONE ELSE, END IT ALL AND KILL YOURSELF" S.O.D.
My dear lady I've watched on the net for a while and found you funny stunningy beautiful and charming. I am not in any way indicated to tell you what to do with your life but I must say this: for you to leave this earth would leave us all in agony and I know you are more than a human who wants death. You are loved by many and you have a brain to think please learn and don;t do this to yourself. You and only you can stop this. Please don't die my dear.
lol... imagine if you get run over by a bus on the day this joke/reality comes to the inflection point.
people'll go "omg, she really did kill herself" when in fact, you jinxed your self and God decided to let you have your bit of fun...
one thing you may learn in this life is that you don't play with luck. you don't play with superstition whether you believe it or not.
be careful what you wish for.
i'm praying for you.
What about Tania ? She did't writed anything in her diary in past 3 days ago :/
I tried commiting suicide today. But I didn't jump. And you know why? I realised that there are other options in life. Yeah, I know that life sucks. That's why I was about to throw myself of my roof. But we both have our whole lives ahead of us. I'm years younger than you, but you still have a chance to make your life better. Instead of focusing your attention on killing yourself, concentrate it on improving it.
And I know that the world has lost all it's meaning, but you can ignore it. Stop watching the news. Stop listening to the radio. Just think about YOUR life. You've got around 60 years left. That's over twice of what you've already lived. You can do so much in that time.
So please, you're young and pretty. Don't do it.
Life without meaning
cannot be borne.
We find a mission
to which we're sworn
- or answer the call
of Death's dark horn.
Without a gleaning
of purpose in life,
we have no vision,
we live in strife,
- or let blood fall
on a suicide knife
a poem koontz wrote
I think I understand you
majere@webmail.co.za
if you do end your life because your mom found out the plans, that just makes you a failure since you couldnt meet your correct date, but i guess theres no point telling you that since your gonna die anyways
You know waht I realize? It is not so much you want to kill yourself because life has no meaning, but because you want to be in control of your life. You see you decide to kill yourself in 90 days that gives you control, you control your destiny. As soon as you see yourself loosing control then you decide that you may have to take other measures inorder to stay in contol. Hmmm.
Thanks to The Creator, The Ipower Crew and Tania, 11:11.
-Jason
Familian1111@yahoo.com
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