Sorry there was no blog last night guys, I just had a pretty crazy night.
I'm not sure if I can even write about it, I don't think I fully understand it myself, but... I guess everyone's had their life-changing moments in their lives and I suppose this was one of mine, pretty ironic considering my 90-day initiative. I went out last night with a friend (no one I've blogged about, so doesn't really matter who) and we just had some fun, nothing out of the ordinary, and at the end of the night I walked him back to his place and then walked the rest of the way alone (otherwise he'd have to walk to and fro all the way with me).
And about halfway home I noticed an ambulance parked outside a house, with a small crowd of people surrounding the curb. I just stood there, listening to 10,000 Days on my MP3 player as if it were a soundtrack to what was happening around me, and I watched as the medics brought out the body of an old woman.
I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I knew she was dead. It was obvious, I don't really know why, but it was. I just went home after the ambulance left, and I didn't sleep all night. I don't know why. But I should get it out of my head. It shouldn't bother me.
My mind was set, and it still is.
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80 comments:
Hi,
Your reaction is normal because you saw in a sense your own death through the vision of this woman. I hope that before 43 days, you will have other experiences like this which, can be, shall dissuade you to kill yourself...
Don't do it tania. If God the spirits or whatever you believe have given you this much depression it shows you the power which is awaiting you. You are depressed as you are different and have been gifted with an ability to see through the boringness fo most lives.
Make the most of your gifts, get away from your life and get a new one! You are being tested! Have you ever read someones mind? Have you searched for montsh for someone you only know through prayer only to meet them? Have you travelled the world to give someone a message from a higher power?
No??
Then what is driving you to believe that you know enough about life to take your own?
Tania there may be one person in your life. Probably an old friend that has something to tell you , maybe they love you! I guess a lot of people do.
If you want to escape your world do it but by finding a new place by a jet ticket to a different country lose yor identity and hitch hke round. Learn about god and you'll find life is worth living. Sometimes suicide feels like the way forward but you can get a new life without murdering yourself!
Get a dog!
idiots commenting here considering everyone knows she wont suicide.... (read teh blow CAREFULLY)
If your juust after internet fame
about killing your self
so be it.
the police will be on to it soon.
be warned.
Just saw this blog. Did you seriously quote Fight Club at me? You know the whole reason he wrote the book was so him and his friends would stay alive, right?
But hey, I guess Death be proud about you going very gently into that good night and all.
Kill yourself already bitch, but film yourself while doing it so everyone on the internet can laugh at your dead corpse(Yes i know this site is fake)
43 days left...?
43 more fictional posts of this dry heave??
Any chance we can speed this up at all? Please, can't the writers give this self-absorbed character a grade 6 cerebral aneurysm or something and put us all out of our misery?
yawn!
...... would it be wrong to like her boobs when she's dead?????
You were listening to "TOOL". Therefor, a reaction like that is absolutly normal :)
omg, you're so ridiculous...you just want attention...yeah, maybe you have big boobs...wayne? c'mon girl i mean a picture of you naked at the top of the page says everything...go and play with your dolls...find out if they can commit suicide...but please shut up...
you know, there is an easier way to get an internet following then threatening to kill yourself..... i can't think of any, but i'm sure there are.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=H1q0p9oZarU&feature=related
It's not worth killing yourself, you have such nice pectorals.
Read "Veronika Decides to Die", by Paulo Coehlo. I do not know your reasons for killing yourself, or wanting to publicize a suicide, but if you are in any way intelligent, you will love this book. It will not try to dissuade you, or spur you on; it just gives things a sense of order and meaning, when all else seems to have lost definition.
You wont regret it.
Oh, also: if you enjoyed Fight Club, read the book. Or any of Palahniuk's work, really. Expand your mind before you give it up.
Yep - you really hav no life what so ever you cow! You sit at home everyday and wrtie a blog! What a waste of life!
Go ahead and commit suicide - like anyone cares anyway!
But before I go and never conme back to this crappy site of yours - see a REAL war video (one that the American's or even better the Islamic "extremists" as they are knows) and then think about if you REALLY want to commit suicide.
Such a stupid cow - your mother gave birth to you and cared for you but as a little spolit brat you are "YOU" do not see the worth in life except for the material crap you think of!
Either get a life or get out of here as a REAL cow needs the air more than you!
Take the good test:
http://www.needGod.com
Take the good test:
http://www.needGod.com
sexy = you
Damn Tania, i really hope you dont let me down. This fake drama better not end up with you finding god. Be an intellectual writer and come up with something more meaningful. Watch Southpark or something, but whatever you do, dont let it end with you finding god. I would lose mad respect for you. Keep up the hotness baby!
People - get real. If she were suicidal people would intervene! Like erm famly, friends (real ones) etc. Come on people... it's a kind of sick humor. Actually by the fact that I am responding shows it's worked... get real people. And this lady needs to get a better life if she feels that somehow she is becoming famous/infamous etc by doing this. LOL - get a better life... sorry for the pun.
Ok listen! I know this is fake and everything, but just hear me out. If you dont kill yourself, then this will go by as a useless retarded protest that will be forgotten days after you "Decide not to go through with it" Is life really worth living for? I mean think about it. Who and what are you. Are you not just some highly complex particles reacting deterministicly to your environment as some lifeless meaningless domino. Pretty much. What? what about your thoughts and your awareness and love and emotions and life and the decision to do the right thing and god and ...oh who can forget sex. wow those are really good thing worht living for right? WRONG! Your thoughts and choices are really just an illusion that are side effects of the complex arrangement of the makeup of your brain and chemical workings. Your actions are theoretically as predictable as a 3rd grade science experiment. (Because your actions are caused by physical particles that obey natural laws as our predictable environment does. so in reality there is no meaning to life or value to life. Its deterministic. So.. forget about deciding not to go through with it, and DO IT! c'mon just for the hell of it. Trust me, you wont lose anything, and you wont have to deal with the meaningless bullshit anymore.
Sorry about my previous post. Its true, but I omitted that its just as meaningless to take your life as it is to not take your life. I was just having fun with some reasonable and logical insight. Truth is their is nothing that can be said to a suicidal person to make them change their mind if they are aware enough to know that there is nothing that can make it all better. But i guess this site might help those who are gullible as to be conviced not to. In any case, i dont care how true and detrimental my previous post was because " I take no responsibility for this whatsoever. -Tania"
OMG! I forgot one more thing. How fucked up is it, if you dont do it and some ugly little chick that has so much crap in her life sees that you didnt do it. She's gonna be like "DAMN SHE GOT PERSUADED NOT TO BECAUSE SHE WAS PRETTY AND GUYS GAVE HER ATTENTION AND TOLD HER NOT TO DO IT, BUT WHO'S GONNA TRY TO CONVICE ME...IM UGLY" !!BLAH!! ....hmm ...not cool Tania...stop hanging around with methane or whatever his name is..
BTW im anonymous at 8:33
You see, this is my problem with people who have a generally shitty attitude, trying to persuade others...
Come on, brother! Let's work out them stains you got setting in the Dark Streak of your mind...
"UhYay-YesUh"
Killing yourself means,
You are weak and cant resist to this life.
Tried before...
My Holy water is like the laundry detergent (with Bleach!) to wanna help rid your mind of these unfortunate shit stains, my brother!
Can I get a A-Mee-Yen?
UhYay-YesUh!!
Tell me why you tried to kill yourself...go on and set yo self free, I'll be back in a few minutes.
I really don't understand the concept of this. Putting yourself out there for "90 days" to some trend... girls would do anything for looks like you i've seen videos of that stupid Athene fuck on you tube. calling you a bitch and what not. first thing loose him, second get some damn help if your serious about this. No human life is a waste, everyone makes there own path
I really don`t know what to say... I mean it's dificult to expres my self in english i'm mexican.... i know i know a lot of people see the mexican like ranch people... but no.
you know, one day I tried to do the same but I just did it with out any comment of my friends... obviously i always was saying "dude, i want to die" just like a coment but one day I felt so bad I tried to take my life away but no, there is some little thing that is good for living... and even if there just 1 minute of plenty happiness with me and the people around me, I tell you... that is enogh for the decades of suffering... I'm steel watting that minute, some times is just like "I don't want to continue" but i need to remind me there is that momento for me watting me
I think gravity has got you down, my brother! My congregation and I built a catapult to overcome this, if for only brief spurts at a time. We did this every Sunday until Willy was impaled on the steeple. But for a moment, we all could tell how happy he was. I think adrenaline is a key component to feeling alive and happy. Ever been flung by a catapult?
Brother, we all got to find something that our hearts can beat for, UhYay-YesUh!!
We got to Riiiiiise Above what Granddaddy Gravity and Father Fuck It All To Hell have in store for us, UhYay-YesUh!!
You know what I really, really love in life...?
Distant compassion?
No, my other brother lol
Communication! Feel free to just jump in whenever you feel The Lord pinch ya in tha A-Yes! UhYay-YesUh!!
I would like to introduce everyone to Sam...Sam, say hello to my friend!
*waves*
we love ya, Sam :-)
I have to say, Sam. I don't believe I washed my hands yet in that Holy water since I was dealing with Mr. Shit Stains from before...
My due apologies!
Now, I would like to know if Tania is ever going to email me back. I have not sent my email yet, tho
Never^^
You've really got to get a hold of yourself sometimes. It's this kind of behavior that qualifies your own suicidal tendencies, remember?
ahhhhhhh yeeeaaahhhhh
let's blog in her mouth hehehehehehe!!!
HUSH!
Everyone, beware the demons!
This is beautiful weather or not it is true your mind is gorgous if indeed it is pretend then your imagination is amazing and if it is true then no matter what anyone said or says it was a beautiful 90 days full of every emotion and i hope that the last time you lay you will be full of pride happiness and dignity
Thank you
-Cristofer-
Hallelujah!
I can get ta that, UhYay-YesUh!!
Lemmie get another one in the name of the half nipple which, should it ever grace our eyes in one of Tania's photos, it SHALL set us free!
A-MEEEEEEEEEEE-YEN.
some of us never get a reply, in which case, you get what you have right here :\
We VOTE for "Tania Replies To Comments All Day Long Day!" A show of hands?
I'm all in...
ringa la dinga lee do re me fa so la..
ti ti
I'm completely shocked. I just found out about your site today...
although it might be totally rude to say, but I support you. I even consider you a very brave person to do this. You're really helping other suicidal kids open their eyes, and I'm totally astonished by what you can do.
Its really too bad you're gonna do this, but thank you. You're awesome.
Ignorance.
That's the bi-product of the ignoramus. I know that because I am smart.
I smell a Dark Streak comin' on, ya'll!!!!
DON;T DO IT ,MY DEAR!!!!
life is precious!!
you still have a lot of time to create your own ,new life!!
don;t do it..
im just wondering.. where are u from? france? cause your english writing is really good and i thought that u were like american or something. But when I watched u speaking on the you tube clipp, i noticed some kind of accent. btw, i think its really cool and interseting of you that ure writing a blogg about this. im not saying that its cool that ure going to kill ureself, it ure decision. toodles!
PLZ DO IT!
re: enlightened1
I don't think your post was detrimental insomuch that it was a very imaginative way to describe how the mind can debase itself into a worthless, steaming pile of I don't feel so good.
lol
Dumb bitch.
Hi lady,
R.I.P
Old people dies, naturally, don't worry!
Cheer up,
Suicide song 4 today:
- Bob Marley:
Three little birds
Sincerely Yours,
40.001 Admirer,
NoReplyBox
Listening to TOOL? GREAT!!!
Forget gods, people and society. My suggestion to you is to disconnect. Leave your home, buy some essential gear, donate any money you have and just disappear into the wilderness. The modern world can never provide the reason to life you desire. There is just too much information. Get out where nature's beauty can tune you in to what life is about. It doesn't make any sense in this digital outpour but, Life is about Life. Simplicity, survival, hunger, fear and beauty are all the things that make me love life.
The modern worlds gives a person too much freedom to dwell on inconsequential things. When your out there, with no one to help you, you will realize how invigorating and precious life is, merely by listening to your inner instinct.
You don't even really need to visit the wild. Just leave everything behind and hoof it to nowhere. See people and things like you never could inside the constrictive walls of modernity.
Don't value life on accomplishments because accomplishments mean nothing. Experience is the only thing that matters.
If anything, in 43 days, kill your public life and start life for yourself and not for the perverted opinions of society, religion and, well, everyone.
I'm not going to tell you not to do it, because your pretty determined to complete this goal in your limited ammount of time, but take it from someone who has tried before. If you let all of the things in the world, or the situations in life surround you with grief, then you're only letting the grief consume you into letting the evil things win. Many of us have suffered terrible things in our lives, some worse than others, but I'm not going to tell you that what you've gone through isn't at all serious, because it is, seeing as your determined to take your life. but it's mastering the strength to work through it that makes you stronger, and it makes the pain or even the emptiness go away. I hope you realize that you are valuable, otherwise you wouldn't have been born into this world. It is you who has put a value on yourself because you allowed others to make you believe it to be true. You're just leading yourself to self destruction instead of countering it. I know that nothing I say today will make you think twice about this. It is a conclusion you have to come to on your own, and time will tell when you've made your choice.
wow
At first i think u serious,
now i understand.
u kidding=p.
wish to meet u
OK i don't usually make replies on blogs lol, but i'm just gonna say, what is the point in killing yourself? Let faith do it for you.
all i can say is its a damn shame but tbh u should let me get a crack of that fine ass b4 u do it ^^
LOL THIS WHOLE THING IS SO FAKE, LIKE ATHENE!
STUPID INTERNET!
WASN'T MADE FOR THAT SHIT!
GET OUT NEWFAGS.
TANIA = GIRL WITHOUT BRAIN - CAN GET NO JOB SO SHE DOES PORN AND SHIT - STUPID B!
INTERNET TO THE OLDFAGS!
Oh.. one more girl trying to call atention!!!
Please.. fuck!
Digao
please, don't do it.
ANON. ED
Three Little Birds - A great song!
It's too bad about Marley. He wouldn't have wanted you to kill yourself either, and look where he wound up.
Is this all bullshit or what!,a publicity stunt where you disapear at the end of your time & start another blog somewhere else?...Ive struggled with depression & suicidal tendencies for a few years now & this shit sorta pisses me off.Fuck!,to plan this shit so far in advance just doesn't come from someone who's fed up & struggling in life & caren't take it any more at this moment,it sounds like you dont want to end it but if this is fair dinkum,your pushing yourself into a corner that your reputation will force you to act on.Don't do anything stupid,reach out & take help,not necesarilly from doctors or shrinks,from people that give a shit like myself or others on you've met on the net that care,genuine people,bypass the arseholes that are here to see if this shit is really going down & reach out to people that can change your perspective on life.We can be a world apart but that doesn't matter,friendship & support can travel the globe as ive found out myself.If this is fairdinkum,please except my appologies for my outburts & forwardness,this kinda thing is close to my heart,its not something I like to talk openly about on a website,its a difficult & heartfealt situation,please,...reach out,if its all bullshit,well,i'm just a sucker like the rest of'em out there!,....TAKE FRIENDSHIP & HELP,trust me,it does change things,no matter how little,one step at a time,just one step at a time.You can contact me anytime,i'll always be here to talk to you.Michael.
10,000 days is extremely powerful. That's why it had that effect on you. Tool can really make you think and see the world differently...
Hi Lady,
So, that's life,
Sunny in the morning, clouds and rain in the afternoon, some intense fog in the night, then maybe calm...
Today's suicide song:
- Crowded House:
Weather with you
Sincerely Yours,
40.001 Admirer,
NoReplyBox
Guys, if u click the "suicide aint sexy" button u can see that this is fake,, dont even bother
...
You're really smart i say. You want to advertise your death. If you wanna kill yourself, just do it. Why inspire other. You are not causing a revolution or changing the world or something. You're just killing yourself. Why do you wanna provoke others' weaknesses and trying to pursue them to kill themselves? Of course you don't cared about anybody and you are selfish and stuff. Damn you! if it were within my power to stab you with a knife or shoot you down, i would not hesitate to do so. You're evil, and you know what my friends do to evil? they fuck it up and make it GONE! They get into rape mode! RAPE MODE! Once they sniff you from a mile away the immediately shift into rape mode.
Please don't stop yourself and if you feel like dying a little sooner, please do so. I can't wait to see you become famous. You must be anxious too. Doesn't matter does it? You'll be dead anyway. Bye then! ENJOY YOUR DEATH!
You're really smart i say. You want to advertise your death. If you wanna kill yourself, just do it. Why inspire other. You are not causing a revolution or changing the world or something. You're just killing yourself. Why do you wanna provoke others' weaknesses and trying to pursue them to kill themselves? Of course you don't cared about anybody and you are selfish and stuff. Damn you! if it were within my power to stab you with a knife or shoot you down, i would not hesitate to do so. You're evil, and you know what my friends do to evil? they fuck it up and make it GONE! They get into rape mode! RAPE MODE! Once they sniff you from a mile away the immediately shift into rape mode.
Please don't stop yourself and if you feel like dying a little sooner, please do so. I can't wait to see you become famous. You must be anxious too. Doesn't matter does it? You'll be dead anyway. Bye then! ENJOY YOUR DEATH!
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