So I spoke to my mother today.
She first called me on the phone around 3:40pm and said we had to talk. At that moment I just already knew she had read my note. Nervous and scared as I was after hanging up the phone, I went into the bathroom and I sat there for like twenty minutes, ready to kill myself. And all along doubt kept playing in my head. I wasn't afraid to die, and I could've taken my own life without flinching, but I just kept thinking about the things I still wanted to do in the two months before my death, and about the possibility that maybe my mother wanted to talk about something else. That maybe she hadn't read my letter.
Because of that, and only because of that, I postponed my suicide and decided to wait for her and find out. Around 5pm she knocked on my door. We sat down and had this really awkward semi-casual conversation about random stuff, until eventually she brought up that I should really empty my trouser pockets next time I throw them in the laundry. My face turned beet-red and I practically almost chocked on my coffee. I was seriously ready to run out the room when she continued that she found an inky ball of soaked paper in the laundry machine. I don't think I have ever been so relieved.
She had never had the chance to read what was on the note.
I think I spent the next full two minutes laughing, and she never understood why.
I guess in 64 days she will.
I'm sorry mum.
57 comments:
naked
omg dont fucking kill urself
Strange...
The athene videos make me laugh - so following through the links, this was not what I was expecting.
You don't care what people think - so I guess anything I say is for others who might read.
First... I couldn't help but think of this reading through some of your entries:
http://jamesflaxman.com/galleries/114/509/Just_End_It
I'm trying to convince James to put this on a t-shirt, but he's worried about law suits.
Second - the fight club quote on the right:
We have no great war in our generation, no great depression, our great war is a war of the spirit, and our great depression is our lives.
- all I just wanted to say is that I think this wrong. There is so very much to fight for.
But perhaps this objection is merely stylistic as opposed to substantive. After all - we're all dust in the end - I guess I just prefer to go out with a sword in hand so to speak.
Oh well - good luck with the not being alive thing.
Hi Tania,
I still think your mom read the note. She is just playing a joke on you by pretending that she didn't read it. As you said before, she has a good sense of humor.
- John
I'm sure her mother wouldn't just be joking around about the letter. Any parent with a right mind would know that it is essential to confront or intervene. I was just wondering, maybe I missed it, your religious beliefs? Do you think there will be an afterlife, or if we die there will be nothing, reincarnated? ETC.
p.s. Your very pretty so its hard for me to believe that your life is miserable. You got a lot of things going for you, maybe its just the crowd you hand around.
tania
i now that life sucks
i now that sometimes life make us fell that there is no reason to be where
but there is people around you that care about you
that love you and want you to be happy!!!suicide is a chiken way to die!it's not hard to die,but the most hard thing to do is living!!!
i'm not telling this because you are beautifull
i´m telling because you should live!!because there is going to be a moment in your life tht you will be so happy to life tht i t will rest to your intire life!!!
everybody should live because you only have one life!!!and you should take adventege of it the most!!!
please take this coment in your mind!!
PLEASE LIVE FOR THOSE YOU LOVE YOU CARE ABOUT YOU THINK!FOR THOSE HOW LOVE YOU
AND IF IT COUNT'S FOR ME!!!
LIVE TANIA
KIZZ
Hi Lady,
Didn’t surprise to see you hadn’t any kind of fix in your ankle in the last athene wins video that you post on this blog too.
This blog becoming so impersonal (is Tania just a claim to attract readers?) and now I even doubt that the real Tania Deveraux write this posts. Maybe one of your iPower friends does?
It seems that someone written this posts weeks ago and he or she just updated every day copy-pasting it. People could put efforts and efforts writing why suicide sucks and the beautiful snow flake you are. No sense.
I can be wrong!
Anyway, cheer up! You can really improve your experiment.
Good luck lady,
Suicide song 4 today:
- Slipknot:
Before I forget
Sincerely Yours,
40.001 Admirer,
NoReplyBox
If you dont want to live then thats fine, its your choice, but are you that much of an imbecile and conceited moron to be so selfish as to commit suicide.
Thus to let all the people that love you and care about you rue everyday without you? You are an egotistical fool, without any kind of functioning logic. Ergo if you don't care about your life remember there are others that do.
So. You're going to kill yourself. Let's hope this is just some joke from Athene and you cause if you do, don't think you get any attention from it. Except maybe from the virals. People like you better ALIVE and not dead. And if you don't appreciate life, then you truly don't deserve it.
Do you actually comprehend the actions of what you want to do, which I think is just some pathetic joke to get attention. Maybe when you're still alive and after you watch Batman you'll publish this into a horror book or movie. I digress. You do what you want, but I already know the outcome of it.
attention whore...everyone knows you won't kill yourself...
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
What kind of idiot hype is internet suicide? That really disgust me!
Does anyone know where I can find naked pictures of this girl? What a gorgeous body!!
I have been sadden by this I think I'm gonna go cry now. I won't dissuade you however. It's your life. It just seems wasted to do such a thing. I'm sorry.
this is bullshit
you guys are fucking lame
come on tania, you are coming with me
tania
you just could remake your suicide blog to a porno blog
your watchers would last longer than 64 days and would be happier expecting something real, oh yea
hey i just randomly found ur site and found myself reading all your day blogs i just really want to talk to u please post back.(i just got it and dont no how it works). so please answer me back some how
So everyone seems to have mixed emmotions about this. Its very serious though. Infact I dont know you at all you dont say much in the video clips , But despite all of that I would be willing to offer you a life worth living. I have plenty of money, Im a good looking man. You are obviousley very beautiful. I would fly you around the world to see and do whatever you wish. I would be willing to offer you a life of happiness and love. I would treat you with the utmost respect as a woman and will give you anything you desired Fairy tale right? Who knows take a chance on life find out what life has to offer. Live life to the fullest and take whatever comes and cherish every moment as your very own. Tania Take a chance Live for the sake of Living. You are beautiful never forget that... I am not the only Person out there who feels this very same way find that person that will be yours and you thiers and life will be worth more than words can ever portray in any sense
LOVE is the key to Life LOVE!!!
hey just sayin again type me back when u get time i just want to talk , u really seem like u no wat ur doing and i feel we need to talk thanks.
I understand how life can make you feel like it is not worth continueing with at times and how those times can seem endless, but they are not! You mention your Mother and sisters, and the new baby on the way, what about them. How would you feel if you taking your life brought on so much greef that your Mother died or your sister lost her baby, or that fact that you could ruin your little sister's life by taking away the person she cares most about. Your friends would also be crushed, but I guess that doesn't matter to you. I'm sorry but I think your being selfish! Can you say you really don't care about any of the people in your life, because by killing yourself that is exactly what you are saying! Just because you started this whole thing doesn't meen you have to go through with it. Think about the people in your life and how they truely feel about you. Please don't be selfish, I have seen what suicide does to the ones left behind. How does it make you feel to think your little sister might be the one who finds you after you kill yourself. Do you want to destroy her life? Suicide is never the way to go! You will always find people to cheer you on, but they are just sick people who get off on others pain. Talk to your family and friends about what is making you want to do this. If you don't know why you want to do this then you better figure it out and weigh the consiquences. Please think about what you are doing!!!
You are so full of shit, you aren't going to kill yourself, this website is bullshit...
wow this is the fakest thing i've seen on the internet in a while. i hope its exciting towards the end though, this will keep me entertained for a while :)
I love tha way u make people talk... Keep doin ur shit... But pleaze if u are goin to kill u... Pleaze send me your dead body... Ur too gorgeous to be buried...
mouhahaha
Much love
Awesome site
How about you dont kill yourself, and just marry athne and be happy about your life..everyone goes through this shit. hell even i tired killing myself but im still here
I don't see how this "project" "saves lives". Really. In my POV, it just leads people more into committing suicides rather than keeps them from it.
Your whole satirical take on 'Internet' suicide is absolutely fantastic & so cleverly executed.
Just highlights how pathetic and ludicrous these suicide blogs and suicide is. Sure your content will change many minds.
ahh bollocks...
Tania seriously ...
your 25
if u were serious about suicide then you whould have done it earlier and whats with the 90 day delay
I'm 20 so one year to go until I get to buy a gun and do... so called deed
suicide...
people die every day
what's the big deal?
I know that someone as beautiful as you can be truly unhappy. I have been through two wars and seen plenty of death and to see that one such as you with such a vibrant sense of humor can think of killing yourself, well that saddens me. When i was twenty i never thought that i would live to be 30 now i am 33 i have two beautiful kids although i have been through two not so beautiful divorces. I know that there is a God you may not thats too bad for you because there is and you know it whether you want to admit it or not. Something created us it not random the chances that all these molecules evolved is so much bullshit if you simply look at the facts that males and females are complelty different and females are vastly more complex then males yet they all evolved at the same rate.....ya bullshit we were created and we have a choice to make accept that christ is the lord or not its simple. Life is short enough to not snuff it out like this
So beautyful, but soooo stupid! It's a shame!
Suicide may not be sexy, but perhaps all this time you have on your hands (whether or not this is a true parody) you could pay a visit to Bridgeend in Wales (UK).
These poor kids have actually done the deed, blog or no blog, countdown or no countdown.
If this is a satirical attempt to bring the sad reality of suicide to the attention of the internet using public, perhaps a little more advertising is required..
你还有很多事没做！只是可能你一时想不起来，总有一天你会想起来的，所以继续活下去！
Yo Girl If You realy plan to kill your self make sure you poisen yourself and b some where No one could find you cuz i tried it like 4 times but i'm still here I have slit my wrist in a good way in the lenght i jumped in front of a car took an OD of coke and hang myself but i'm still alive and now i realise life is not as bad as it seems it was just not my time to go and if its not your time to go You wont accomplish
Think about it Hugs and kisses
Lots of love Pascal
die u fuckin slut!!!!!!
lol ... how naive can ppl be...
if she fucking wanted to waste herself she would have already done it...
and even if that happened, no one cares... stop fishing for atention
just do what you have to do and stop wasting ppls time.
This is a very interesting concept. It's... attention-grabbing in many powerful and manipulative ways. Was there ever an indie film like this? I don't know you. None of these people knows you. So whatever the purpose of this blog is... it makes me think about a few things.
Death to me is like a portal. I think this portal, for some, lingers out of reach, tantalizing them. There is no way of calculating where it leads, but it follows that one would only go through this portal when there is nothing of interest in this world left. Living requires tolerance of the forces in this world that want to kill or degrade us, and necessitates a frustration with the agents of our interest that cannot possibly provide all the stimulation that our human minds need. The ones that really succeed at living, I think, are the one who create portals within their own existence, or rather have the ability to adventure beyond their "comfort zone" as it's called, and hurl themselves by a leap of faith into some new world, yet without death. Maybe that sounds escapist to you.
No-one kills themselves who is in control of their sensibilities and mental states. It is those people whose minds are untamed by self-discipline or "modern chemistry" who consider forsaking the thought of creating new worlds, because it is so difficult for them. Their minds, however, demand a release, even temporary, from the island world on which they feel trapped, incapable of forming a portal to some larger world with more plentiful resources.
There is, "happily," always that one world that no-one has come back from. Logic tells me, though, that I'd rather explore these living worlds first, as I only have so much time. I refuse to believe that death will be the world I've dreamed of - for if it is such a dream world, I already have a reservation.
THESE ARE JUST SOME SUICIDE FACTS
ref:http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/related/suicide_8.asp
Suicide was the 11th leading cause of death in the United States.
It was the 8th leading cause of death for males, and 19th leading cause of death for females.
The total number of suicide deaths was 29,199
The 1999 age-adjusted rate** was 10.7/100,000, or 0.01%.
1.3% of total deaths were from suicide. By contrast, 30.3% were from diseases of the heart, 23% were from malignant neoplasms (cancer), and 7% from cerebrovascular disease (stroke), the three leading causes.
Suicide outnumbered homicides (16,899) by 5 to 3.
There were twice as many deaths due to suicide than deaths due to HIV/AIDS (14,802).
There were almost exactly the same number of suicides by firearm (16,889) as homicides (16,599).
Suicide by firearms was the most common method for both men and women, accounting for 57% of all suicides.
More men than women die by suicide.
The gender ratio is 4:1.
72% of all suicides are committed by white men.
79% of all firearm suicides are committed by white men.
Among the highest rates (when categorized by gender and race) are suicide deaths for white men over 85, who had a rate of 59/100,000.
Suicide was the 3rd leading cause of death among young people 15 to 24 years of age, following unintentional injuries and homicide. The rate was 10.3/100,000, or .01%.
The suicide rate among children ages 10-14 was 1.2/100,000, or 192 deaths among 19,608,000 children in this age group.
The 1999 gender ratio for this age group was 4:1 (males: females).
The suicide rate among adolescents aged 15-19 was 8.2/100,000, or 1,615 deaths among 19,594,000 adolescents in this age group.
The 1999 gender ratio for this age group was 5:1 (males: females).
Among young people 20 to 24 years of age the suicide rate was 12.7/100,000, or 2,285 deaths among 17,594,000 people in this age group.
* The 1999 gender ratio for this age group was 6:1 (males: females).
Thanks to the Ipower Crew and Tania, The Creator, 11:11
-Jason
familian1111@yahoo.com
u r stupid !!! and you have no respect for life and for youself use your brains
Hi Tania and the guys at I Power, nice project you're doing here! Even though I wont be killing myself any time soon (Its wrong, duh), this "blog" has proved to be an interesting read and I think it will help people who are really lost and want to kill themselves in this unpredictable world. I really can't wait to see your ending!
Daisy
I want to begin by telling you how my own conception differs from the usual one.
The usual conception states that there are beautiful objects and ugly objects, beautiful persons and ugly persons, beautiful places and ugly places, and so forth.
Not I. I believe beauty is nowhere. I consider the usual notion of beauty to be completely false - I refuse absolutely to assent to this idea, that there are ugly persons and ugly objects. This idea is stiffing and revolting to me.
I find this idea of beauty a meager and not very ingenious invention, and especially not very encouraging for man. It is distressing to think about people being deprived of beauty because they are too corpulent or too old. I find even this idea - that the world we live in is made up of ninety percent ugly things and ugly places, while things and places endowed with beauty are very rare and very difficult to meet - I must say, I find that idea not very exciting. It seems to me that the Occident will not suffer a great loss if it loses this idea. On the contrary, if it becomes aware that there is no ugly object nor ugly person in this world and that beauty does not exist anywhere, but that any object is able to become fascinating and illuminating, it will have made a great stride. I think such an idea will enrich life more than the common idea of beauty.
beauty is everywherenowhereeverywhere
Bonne chance La Jeune Fille et la Mort
I know this isn't real, but it doesn't even feel like it is real. And the fact that this group is advertising their youtube videos on this campaign site is wrong on so many levels. If you want any ounce of credibility (and more importantly, any hope of saving young people), at least make this fake blog realistic.
go ahead and do it!! i don't give a shit!!!
anyone who listens to my chemical romance deserves to die.
cheers, faker.
also, way to plagiarize fight club in your little info bar there. you suck, and you're only doing this to see how many hits, diggs, whatever, you can get. whore.
Anyone remember the part in fight club where Marla calls about suicide?
If anything she'll probably make some lame ass attempt at it and fail.
Men commit suicide more often because like everything else, they're much better at it than women.
Singing:
"I'm the one who really love ya, baby,
I've been knockin' at your door..."
_.--""--._
." ".
| . ` ` |
\( )/
\)__. _._(/
// >..< \\
|__.' vv '.__/
l'''"''l
\_ _/
_ )--( _
| '--.__)--(_.--' |
Singing:
"...you've got the love you need right in front of you, please come home..."
Hiya Tania! I know you don't care much for my opinion but I think you should really reconsider what you're doing... you're going to hurt and sadden so many people. Is it really worth it to make others suffer so much!? I've thought of suicide, but it's a very scary though. If you do actually care to read this, and if by chance have MSN Live Messenger, add me at soulpyro@gmail.com! You can talk to me about anything ^-^
that good I don't want you dead.
Get a psychiatrist.
Argh please do. Life sucks but it's also awesome. It's called evolution, happyness and sadness are balanced. Unless you tell yourself that they aren't.
It's only the way you look at things that makes you depressed.
Your brain makes these depression-chemicals. But it's quite capable of making happy chemicals.
Everyone can. Your brain has to be able.
Evolution says so.
You can be happy.
Don't call it cliche. It's only very obvious but true.
Besides, there is no use whatsoever in the act of killing yourself. If you want to quit your life, start a new one. Get away from your famlily and friends, get out of the shit you're in and move to france and get new friends. Start a carier as an artist.
Get a hobby like sky-diving or paint-ball to settle your anger-at-the-world levels.
Wtf I don't know maybe get a into buddhism or playing football. Whatever. Literary whatever.
Cause when you're dead, you'll be having no fun. I mean you may be having no fun right now, but you have had it and your brain is still capable of producing the little chemicals that cause fun.
Just start doing something different. Fuck this blog, drop it. Drop your job. And then just go somewhere else.
And i'm sorry but quit being such an attention-sheep. Just settle your own things, you know. Almost everybody you know does and so do the most people in the world.
Just settle your life. Harder things have been done and will be done.
Your mom needs to come over and talk to you about leaving a piece of paper in your laundry? Riiiight. If you're going to try to be the next LonelyGirl, at least make the script realistic. Interesting concept for a web series, but lame, amateur execution.
When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies
God will probably have me on some real strict shit
No sleepin' all day, no gettin my dick licked
Hangin' with the goodie-goodies loungin' in paradise
Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice
All my life I been considered as the worst
Lyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purse
Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion
I know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortion
She don't even love me like she did when I was younger
Suckin' on her chest just to stop my fuckin' hunger
I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?
Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies
My babies' mothers 8 months, her little sister's 2
Who's to blame for both of them
I swear to God I want to just slit my wrists and end this bullshit
Throw the Magnum to my head, threaten to pull shit
And squeeze, until the bed's, completely red
I'm glad I'm dead, a worthless fuckin' buddah head
The stress is buildin' up, I can't,
I can't believe suicide's on my fuckin' mind
I want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' me
But naw you wouldn't understand
You see its kinda like the crack did to Pookie, in New Jack
Except when I cross over, there ain't no comin' back
Should I die on the train track, like Remo in Beatstreet
People at the funeral frontin' like they miss me
My baby momma kissed me but she glad I'm gone
She knew me and her sista had somethin' goin' on
I reach my peak, I can't speak,
call my nigga Chic, tell him that my will is weak.
I'm sick of niggas lyin', I'm sick of bitches hawkin',
matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'.(BANG)
she needs some real profesionel help... this is one fucked up girl
I dont know you so I dont really care about you. But I can still have a opinion and I think you'r either lying or that you'r really pathetic.
Okey , You are crazy
It´s not even fun
And if you feel so bad that you want to kill yourself , serch for help instead , And if you just doing this to get attention , It´s just stupid girl .
Post a Comment