Doing things for the truly last time is the weirdest sensation ever.
One of my best friends is a guy I only see once every year or so. We really have a very unique bond, to the point that to call us "soulmates" would just sound too shallow to describe it adequately. In any case he came over today by complete surprise (his trademark) and wanted to take me out. Luck would of course have it that my ankle was still the size of a basketball and more sore than ever, so I sadly declined. Stubborn as he is, he left only to come back with a wheelchair. I asked him where he got it from and he said that he had temporarily borrowed it from a nearby hospital (the thieving scumbag :p) and then he kind of forced me to sit in it.
He rode it out of the house and just walked me around town all day and we talked. He eventually ended up running through the busy streets, pushing the wheelchair at like 100mph yelling "Honk! Honk!" and pretending he was going to let me slide off stairs etc. We really had a blast and we had some pretty deep conversations too. At one point I even thought about telling him about the suicide, but I couldn't do that to him. I only hope he reads this after I'm gone, so that he knows how I experienced that last ever day with him.
Goodbye, dear friend.
A few months from now my heart will have stopped, but I'm afraid it won't be as broken as yours.
I'm sorry.
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25 comments:
If you truly care for your friend and family, you'll live for them. Death is sadness for those you love, however suicide is just an insult.
I'm not somebody who feels sorry for others, because that's would be an insult. A person needs to make their own choices in life. If I were your friend, and tries to prevent you from committing suicide, then I'm not much of a friend, because I will be trying to interfere with your life; which I should have no control over. You are you, and not me. However, if you do decide to end your life, then you aren't much of a friend either. Since, you do not feel my presence has any meaning in your life. You don't feel sorry to never see me again. No remorse. No regret. No second thought. Might as well as end this friendship that has no commradery.
Ok, sorry for the repost but you have to read this:
Get a psychiatrist.
Argh please do. Life sucks but it's also awesome. It's called evolution, happyness and sadness are balanced. Unless you tell yourself that they aren't.
It's only the way you look at things that makes you depressed.
Your brain makes these depression-chemicals. But it's quite capable of making happy chemicals.
Everyone can. Your brain has to be able.
Evolution says so.
You can be happy.
Don't call it cliche. It's only very obvious but true.
Besides, there is no use whatsoever in the act of killing yourself. If you want to quit your life, start a new one. Get away from your famlily and friends, get out of the shit you're in and move to france and get new friends. Start a carier as an artist.
Get a hobby like sky-diving or paint-ball to settle your anger-at-the-world levels.
Wtf I don't know maybe get a into buddhism or playing football. Whatever. Literary whatever.
Cause when you're dead, you'll be having no fun. I mean you may be having no fun right now, but you have had it and your brain is still capable of producing the little chemicals that cause fun.
Just start doing something different. Fuck this blog, drop it. Drop your job. And then just go somewhere else.
And i'm sorry but quit being such an attention-sheep. Just settle your own things, you know. Almost everybody you know does and so do the most people in the world.
Just settle your life. Harder things have been done and will be done.
Please reply, regards.
What over-under should we put this at? I've been catching up reading all of these since I just recently stumbled on the whole spiel last week. I think this Tania character will kill herself at the end of these 90 days, even if she doesn't take her life.
I've been in the suicidal mode for years due to a strictly medical illness which led to a deep depressive state. Like alcoholism (thanks to my male relatives making me a former professional), ailments whether uncontrolled or self-inflected require an intervention. Speaking from experience, it changed my life around completely and I look forward to waking up at 6am every day to go jogging. You are not the only person suffering, sweetie, so QQ some more.
Personally, I think this whole thing is a sham albeit mildly entertaining. Tania, you're a real person and most of us realize that, however if this really is "the final countdown" (which btw you should be playing when you jump off a building, like Gob on AD), enjoy the after-life. I heard the parties there cure depression.
-Mot
It soudns like you have feelings for this guy, he sounds like the one reason why you should live. If you're not just being ana ttention whore that I think you are, then I'd reconsider. Not for you, but for him.
Tania, don't you think that as an anti-suicide blog, you should make it more apparent? The disclaimer is virtually invisible, many people don't realize that you're using reverse psychology to reduce the number of suicides. Please clarify for your readers.
You are free, enjoy death or afterlife if you believe in that.
It's just funny how people seem to be inapt to read something till the end, or to find the real meaning behind what you say.
I got to this blog since I watched most of Athene's movies, and the only thing I can say is you guys make quite a crew ^^
Hope your words are heard everywhere, and the best luck of course.
Regards
PS:Suicide really isn't sexy :)
I understand now what you are doing. Thank you.
Very nice tale,
Keep going,
Congratulations for your short film online again,
Suicide song 4 today:
- Pixies:
Hey
Sincerely Yours,
40.001 Admirer,
NoReplyBox
Life is short...why make is shorter?
you have no reason at all to kill yourself
it would just be a waste of life when there is so much more to live for
please dont kill yourself
Life is short...why make is shorter?
you have no reason at all to kill yourself
it would just be a waste of life when there is so much more to live for
please dont kill yourself
你真的想让你最好的朋友，带着悲伤与遗憾度过余生吗？你不能这么自私！！
READ IT ALL THE WAY..!
Ha how dumb are you.?
have you ever thaught where you will wind up in the after life../?
Ill tell you suicide is sin and those
who do it they wind up in Hell to be tormented by SATAN.!!!!!!
I think you should live your life for
God who gave you life and your mom who gave you your body..!
So please i beg you think about it
would you rather do this thing that
you think looks cool to kill yourself and be tormented by SATAN
for all itternaty? or live you life
for god and when you die you will
be with him in peace and happyness.!So when time comes to you kill your self think about this
Ill pray for you to god so he can oppen your eyes to truly see where
your going..
WELL THEN GOD BLESS YOU..
When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies
God will probably have me on some real strict shit
No sleepin' all day, no gettin my dick licked
Hangin' with the goodie-goodies loungin' in paradise
Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice
All my life I been considered as the worst
Lyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purse
Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion
I know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortion
She don't even love me like she did when I was younger
Suckin' on her chest just to stop my fuckin' hunger
I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?
Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies
My babies' mothers 8 months, her little sister's 2
Who's to blame for both of them
I swear to God I want to just slit my wrists and end this bullshit
Throw the Magnum to my head, threaten to pull shit
And squeeze, until the bed's, completely red
I'm glad I'm dead, a worthless fuckin' buddah head
The stress is buildin' up, I can't,
I can't believe suicide's on my fuckin' mind
I want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' me
But naw you wouldn't understand
You see its kinda like the crack did to Pookie, in New Jack
Except when I cross over, there ain't no comin' back
Should I die on the train track, like Remo in Beatstreet
People at the funeral frontin' like they miss me
My baby momma kissed me but she glad I'm gone
She knew me and her sista had somethin' goin' on
I reach my peak, I can't speak,
call my nigga Chic, tell him that my will is weak.
I'm sick of niggas lyin', I'm sick of bitches hawkin',
matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'.(BANG)
So, I'm not gonna comment on my feelings about this whole thing as I know your mind is made up and all that already, but I just wanted to say, if you really are doing this, I agree with jeriko21. When you do it, play Final Countdown. And depending on how you end yourself, you should devise a plan to record it, and maybe get it posted online somewhere. It'd be morbid, sure, but if this is for real and you really are going out with a bang, why not share this life ending bang with the world and your readers?
And remember: If you play Final Countdown, you will instantly have the most epic suicide of all time.
i know this one will be deleted... something you and your athene buddies are SO against...
i loved the athene stuff, and i'm a female, even with the boob grabbing here and there, it was all good fun.
i know about suicide first hand, you're in a fake political party, that only exists to cause controversy - google NEE and read up people. (IF this comment ever makes it and wont be CENSORED).
this is all a dumb publicity stunt, so what happens when the time is up? how are you gonna top this one?
maybe you should have aimed lower.
i really liked you from the clips, seemed like a fun girl to hang with, now i read about the fake BJ's and fake politics.
you know what the only way is to save you from being laughed at so hard and have people laugh even harder at your 'NEE party'?
kill yourself for real.
become really famous.
cause otherwise... you will just end up another porn star, and lets face it, you're pretty, but there are a lot of younger girls, WAY prettier than you, who will get more jobs.
sadly this kind of fake fame will only last for ... 90 days?
then give or take a few weeks asking why you didnt do it, and you telling TV shows and youtube how you couldnt do it because you love your family and friends.
I marked the day on my calender because I will have a big laugh all day.
IF you do decide to get SMART and actually follow through, I will throw a big party. My party will be bigger than the support for your fake one haha...
you're too old to be a slut, 25 is not old, but in the porn industry it is, and you do have a face that makes you look older, more like just over 30, even when you put on your 'i'm innocent' look.
gosh i thought you had a kid or two haha, my friends think you look good but again, if you're really 25, stop smoking or something >.<
everthing on this 'blog' is a lie, the whole BJ promise was a lie...so your age is probably too, if not... seriously start eating healthy...
should have sucked at least a couple of weenies to act as if you mean what you say...
again, not dissing you, but you wont be able to make money from this for long :(
better save up, sweetie.
or do us and your 'political party' a real publicity favor and kill yourself.
Get one additional month of publicity out of it! Yay!!
btw, athene was major fun, i know it doesnt matter much in the wide ocean of the internet, but i'm unsubscribing :)
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/31/opinion/31gaiman.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5090&en=936cc44f65110fa8&ex=1319950800&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
If you get the point this blog makes. It all makes perfect since. There are not many people in the world today who have not thought about suicide in one way or the other. I know I have. I just never could bring myself to do it. Call it cowardness if youd like, but I'd rather just continue to see what is going to happen around here. But as I read this blog I notice that I went through many of the same things when I thought about suicide. The only difference is mine was in a short period of time maybe for a couple of days or so or even a lot less. Most people that are comptipating suicide only think about it for less than a few days and then they come back to their senses. The ones that do it are the onese who have been comptiplating it for a long while and just want it to end. Why is this? This is just something to think about. Weather your thought of suicide is long and drawn out or it only last for a few days. You are still thinking abou the ones you care about and love most. So, why hurt them? Because you can't find any other way to deal with the internal beckoning of a spoiled concience.
Thanks to the Creator, Ipower and Tania, and 11:11
-Jason
Familian1111@yahoo.com
Your death can set off a chain reaction to others. People who will wonder wether they did too much or if they didn't do enough. They will think it's there fault. You won't be helping anyone by doing this sick prank. But of course, why should we bother? I mean really, you said you didn't care anyways didn't you? Well, all of these people care about you, no matter what you may say.
Oh, and I know you probably may not read this, what about Athene?
stupit attention whore...:)
even im more likely to kill myself.
your like one of those death-metall guys that sing britney spears songys when they think theyr not being watched...
so, get a life, caus u sure as hell wont take it away...
by the way, i just hate that i have to share the earth with stupid, self-centered, idiotic smart-wannabes like yourself...
if you really wanna kill yourself, why wait 90 days, you stupid self-centered attention wh*re;)
im amazed that this much people is taking you serious... i guess that only proves that your not the only idiot here...
i really hate the fact that normal ppl have to share the earth with such idiotic smart-wannabes like yourself...
get a life!!!
when i first saw your vids on youtube, i taught: wtf???
then I see your blog, and now i understand, way the go girl...
i have to say that your braking the rules, though... extremly hot girls are not supposed to be intelligent:)
your marketing skills are... well almost transcedent
i would love to talk to you in person (i mean, msn messenger, skype or somethin like that), because ive never met someone as special as you are... thank you for givin me hope that there is a girl whos right for me... you:)
hehe
pls dont kill urself:)))))))
ps. do a guy a favour, send me an e-mail:
blaxxxblax1@yahoo.com
looking forward to hearing from you
You are seriously one DUMB cunt, I'm sorry, somebody had to say it. You are a coward, pure and simple. You could go on with your life and do SO MUCH. Maybe you currently live a trite and meaningless life right now, but honestly, so do most people. Rather than off yourself, why not go to another country and see the world, take chances, join the peace core or something. If you really don't believe that anything around you now matters, then you should have no emotional attatchments to hold you in one place. If I didn't believe that I had anything left to live for, rather than killing myself and creating sadness for those I have loved and whom have loved me, I would try and make something of myself in a "Ghandi-esque" way. YOU DON'T FUCKING REALIZE! 1 PERSON CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. If you think that this world is short of problems other than your own, your are dumber than I thought. Wow the thought of somebody not only throwing away your life, but making a spectacle out of it makes me so angry.
I know this is simply only 1 comment out of many, but maybe I came to you at the right time, maybe you are supposed to read this, maybe you were meant for something better. So stop being a selfish individual and get out there and make something happen!
No matter who you have become now, there is ALWAYS time for change.
Wat i think is tat u should leave that nigga asshole ur living wit cuz hes like a lil kid u know wat am sayin the only thing he cares about his video games tats all!! hes like a maniac i dont know!!i think tat u shouldnt kill ur self...>>u could just start all over again by ur self,and give urself another change in life<< u should think about it!!
take care!!♥X♥1♥LEO♥8♥X♥
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