Okay, the votes are in and the polls are closed! Soon I'll be posting a video revealing which dress I chose, so stay tuned voters.
Anyway, I know I still have 78 days to go, but I've recently been thinking more and more about how I'm going to commit the deed. The most important thing to me is that it doesn't hurt. If I go out, I would like to go out with what I would call a "quiet bang" (quiet for me, though a 'bang' for my family and friends). Yesterday I actually found myself talking about suicide with my little sister, we had just seen Dead Man Walking and we were discussing what would be the most painless way to die.
She's just a kid and she doesn't really have the same concept of death as I do, so to her this conversation was just a bit of fun; but I was actually really considering every idea we brought up, so that was kind of awkward. Anyway, my sister, brilliant as she is despite her young age, was of the opinion that skydiving without opening your parachute would be the best and most painless way to go.
She was so cute when she said it, and it actually makes a lot of sense, it has to be an awesome way to go... You see the whole world below you, just before you die. It's funny how if I kill myself this way, she'll only then realize what our conversation was really for.
I'd love to go out that way, but I would feel guilty about it now that my little sister is the one who brought it up, she'd be traumatized if I actually stole her idea.
40 comments:
Hi Tania~
I still don't get why your killing yourself
and about your sister if i were her I'd kill myself for telling you a way to die...
and what if maybe you hit the floor and you don't die?
and you just stay in coma?
you'll feel pain if you hit the ground then you'll stard bleeding and you'll die because of the lack of blood
P.S First post xD
I was thinking skydriving would be a cool way to go only thing is your body will be so smashed up.... and that not be to good for family members I guess. Cuz they don't get to see you one last time. Still don't support.
Much Love,
Me
Best way to go? Poison in your favoite food/drink.
I'm not waiting 78 days. Today is my day - hope you enjoy the rest of yours.
That wont work parachutes are all equipped with Cypres devices which open your reserve automatically 5 seconds before impact and you land safely. Besides when you skydive you will want to do it again and again and again and get back the joy of living...
I just surfed into your blog by accident today, Tania, so I may have missed something.
How old is your little sister? I don't really believe you want to kill yourself, but whether you do or don't, you look old enough to make your own decisions. Younger people (like 4 to 14 and sometimes even 20s or older) are still working out how to live their lives.
You making her a part of your suicide may be screwing her up forever, especially after your gone.
That's the thing about suicide . . . it's really about more than just you.
Actually being hung is the "best" way. I once held a presentation about the death-penalty in school and also had an estimation about the most "human way" (or how to express that in engl...).
Actually if you're "hung" in that modern way you fall down over 3 meters. Then the rope will stop your from falling on your neck breaking it instantly cutting the nerve-strings etc which will cause you to die fall into a coma instantly. So there's no suffering. The corpse would also be decent to look at - but since you don't care about others it won't matter to you either.....
I don't really think that's good but 3 years ago when I held that presentation I played with the thought to kill myself this way...
You may actually look it up here as you want. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanging
In your blog you're writing "you see no higher purpose or so in life". Actually we're young persons - how come you've come to that conclusion already? Don't you actually think it could be a mistake stopping your life today when you could find a sence in it tomorrow?
Regards, Leander from Hamburg, ger
I don't really believe that you want to make the most stupid think that living person can do.
If you do it over the water you can feed fish, if you did it over land you might take someone with you ... though you could do that over water i guess ... maybe just going in a much less grand way, seeing as you dont have long enough to learn how to skydive ... well, learn anything really ... i mean what can you do in 78 days ... ... ooh, maybe you should start reading a murder mystery knowing you have to speed read before the days are up or you wont kow how it finishes ... like your sisters graduation you would miss ... but hey, what would that matter huh ... not like you care.
maybe you should stop, think for less than 30 minutes about how you feel, then think for a few hours about how everyone else feels, because its not all about you in making you happy.
Your great you are, i could have you on toast.
ok so if this isn't a big thing to get attention (which i think it is), and you are actually going to kill yourself the parachute idea sounds really cool. You might find this website very useful.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
It's not a bad idea to click on the link "suicide isn't sexy".
Hi Tania,
It is far worse to live without love then to love and not lived. I was going to end there but you have to experience wanting to kiss someone who wants to be kissed, who kisses back. Someone to call and cannot wait to see or listen to their voice on the other end go on and on. When you experience the gift of giving when you truly want too, when you think about how that person will be when they open up your heart. That is life.
just get fucked to death by a horse
I'd go for atmospheric-re-entry because then I could see at least half of the world, probably burn up, and aim for the ocean where I wouldn't kill anyone else.
but I enjoy my petty, futile life enough to keep going because life is what one makes it, so I might accidentally make my life awesome.
I'll be sad when you go.
I just want to say, this is a WONDERFUL social statement! BRAVO! the idea of trying to glorify and at the same time show the idiotic nature of suicide through a character is DELIGHTFUL! KUDOS to the artists behind this AMAZING art piece! I hope to work with you in some near future! I cannot wait to see how this story pans out! I would LOVE to meet the people behind this idea! way to use the internet to make a statement! PURE BEAUTY!!!!
Tania you are one of the most beautiful woman I have seen on the internet. I watch all those youtube videos of Athene because of you.
Please think before you act, you have a long and beautiful life ahead of you, you have the face of an angel.
Im sure you have one watching over you as well.
I vote that you go out in the first ever plane/helicopter/train/truck/boat collision converging on one single point: you.
Sounds awesome.
-Chad
I am not going to go on about how beautiful you are, or how I do not understand why you are going to kill yourself, and I am not going to try to convince you not to.
One of the greatest victories is choosing how you leave this world, I can identify with that.
I am not Napolean, you are not Hillary Clinton, when we die, no one is going to remember us. There is nothing we can do to change this eventual fate, so we might as well meet it head on and take it in a way we deem fitting.
I do believe however, that the only thing, the only real lasting accomplishment that someone can make is to help another person through this hellish world. Make it a little easier for someone else, we are all just going to die in the end.
I do not know what this means for you, or if you would agree at all with me, but I do ask you to think about it for the next 78 days.
-Geiger
Hi, Tania!
God wants to know why you're such a pathetic attention whore . . . if you want to off yourself, be done with it, and begin your descent into eternal torment for the unforgiven sin of murder right away.
^ Jenny is a Christian faggot.
Hi Tania,
I'm a total stranger who just stumbled onto your blog. I'm in shock and pained by this whole thing.
I don't really understand why you would want to kill yourself. There's so much possibility in the world, especially for people who are just starting out. Aren't you curious to what you can achieve? There's so many adventures and things that you probably have not experienced. Life is just waiting for you.
I'm not religious but I believe that the time we spend living is precious. That sounds so cliched... but like someone else said, there's at least something that we can do for others before we go. At least we can try the best we can to make a difference before we die.
Why would you want to kill yourself, Tania? What are your reasons exactly? You haven't really given them from what I can tell...
I know life can seem so pointless and things can seem so relative... but this is just a big existential hurdle that people must travel through in their lives. I ask myself as well, what are our purposes as people/human beings? It's just natural that we are doubtful... but we have to make our own answers to these questions.
I believe that you can overcome this and you can do great things.
Don't you think it may be selfish to kill yourself? Think about the unending hurt that will inevitably be caused by that tragedy. Would you really want to cause that pain to your friends and family? That would be your last remnants of your existence. Though you think life is pointless, do you think everyone else should kill themselves too? I'm sure you wouldn't want that. Maybe you are so upset that it seems that way but I'm sure that you don't want to hurt your loved ones...
Tania, life is full of so many opportunities. So many choices... we literally make life what it is.
I do not know you, I don't know if you will even read this, I don't know if this blog is even legitimate but I can't help but want to try.
I think the whole world is waiting for you to succeed. Ignore the jerks that stand in your way or the people encouraging you to hurt yourself.
I ask you:
if life is pointless, why not end it here and now? Why waste time in being loved and to love back? If life doesn't have any value, why commit the time to these supposedly useless things?
:D
I ask you, like I would to a friend, please give yourself another chance.
Good luck, and see you later
-Caro
LoL! Can't anyone recognise that she is the same chick from lonelygirl15? It is another stunt like that, the only problem is there might be actual suicidal people out there that will associate with "tania" and may go through with it.
hey wass up first i thought this was some sort of sick joke but dammm man all those comments and shit dont tell me this is for real. anyway dont wanna sound too corny but if you really do commit this fucked up act then damm the world is going to miss out on seeing your gorgeous face every week. ps fuck all that bullshit about i have no purpose blah blah blah, Just dont do it.
tigers
Hi how u doing? fine i hope.just a thought here,what if the next time you read a response and it was from a publisher that thought your outlook on life was rather unique.Then you were offered a small sum 2,500 for your manuscript.Then you do the deed.well what am i saying though you have lived.Your intelligent,I am sure you have thought all this out.the people that love you miss you only as long as they live.The majority of suicides are done by people that never talk about it.On a personal note i had a good friend do this and it is still a selfish thing to do but as u say its your life.
wow your sad..only trying to get attention
Tania,
There are many things that we can choose to do to our lives. I respect your choice, but it is very "final," in the sense that, you can't turn back when you are falling at 180mph and 50 feet from the ground.
There are other options.
Please choose to live.
Sincerely,
TK.
Seriously Tania.. speak the hell up.
Wtf do you want to hear from people?
What do you want people to think and do about this?
To so-called care about you, to hug you, give you an attention fix?
Do you want people to be "shocked" at you?
Just what are you trying to accomplish? REALLY?
I thought this was funny at first, but you need to grow up and stop being a spoiled little bitch.
And stop the bullshit about that you're considering closing this down yada yada, cause you're only doing this for attention.
Get a life, loser. Damn.
A gun to the brain would be best. "Lights Out". Are you going to film the deed and have someone post it?
Check out my project here.
http://starchuck.blogspot.com
Why don't you call up Mandingo...the porn star...you could die on his pole. But of course film it for us...
guys it's a damn fakeee
just click on "suicide isn't sexy" on the right of the page...
you're just a rip off 90 day jane. copy cat!
i do not get why you are going to commit suicide but if you are before you die can i hit that sweet body of yours, if so send a reply to coloredjake@hotmail.com
Tania:
You seem to delight in the idea of causing emotional pain for your surviving family members, including your younger sister.
I doubt you have a sister.
I guess not too many people read what this blog is all about. oh well.
My observance is that it wouldn't be getting anywhere near as much attention if the subject wasn't as attractive as she is. The comments would be switched from "I'll do you before you die" to "just die". Insensitivity reigns because no one is accountable.
hi.. this comes as a wonder to me..first things first, I saw u on the I power videos..is this some kind of way to get people to open up their minds and think for themselves? let me rephrase that.. It comes to my mind that this might be a way to do it, death is, in fact very mind opening, u wont care about anything at all, or anything thats mundane anyway..
Pas mal comme idee, j avoue je suis tomber sur se site sur youtube car un ami me la montrer et je me fesait tellement chier que j ai regarder une autre video avec se site et maintenant je vois le "je vais me suicider dans 90 jours".
Je pensait pas que des gens pouvait se faire tellement chier qu il m etrais des infos sur leur quelque jours avant leur suicide.. hahahahha
Et se qui est plus marrant c est les commentaires,
"Non ne te suicide pas tu es tellement belle"
"Si tu creve fait le a poile"
Serieux je savais pas que y avait autant de boulet... Bref je repasserais dans 80 jours voir se qui va se passer..
"Ah enfet tu peux demander a ton copain de te filmer pour qu on en aille la preuve. (si c etait ecris desoler mais tout lire cest relou..)
Ah et si tu le fait chapeau, car moi savoir qu apres sa plus rien ne se passera sa me donne envie de profiter au max
Bonne soirer
on he right hand side of the page there is a link called suicide isn't sexy. click on it. this is an anti suicide campaign unless i am misinterpreting something
You probably won't even read this. By some chance you do, I wanted to say; I do understand why you want to do it. I'm (at this very moment) contemplating my own end. If you truly do want to do it, I would use your "90" days for some serious thought.
The only thing that's kept me from killing myself are my parents. They've always been nothing but the best to me. I never had to indure hard times, or even bullying. My own selfish reasons are the way I look. I'm fat and disgusting. No girl has ever looked at me with anything but disgust and I have never been loved by anyone other than my parents. I'm an only child so if I did kill myself I have a hard time thinking about how that would leave them. I don't know if I could do that to them. I might just have to wait till they pass with time and no one is left to mourne or remember me.
However, I don't think you're serious about suicide. I think you have an infatuation with suicide, a romance.
You're an absolutely gorgeous young girl, and you seem to be incredibly intelligent, though misguided. I cannot find a reason why you would want to leave this existence when you're so openly welcomed by the other inhabitants.
I would like it if you explained it to me, not that you owe an explanation to anyone, I would just find it interesting.
I can't type fast enough to keep up with my brain anymore so I'll resume this thought later. Perhaps.
-ts
The thing about skydiving... Is that you have so much time to rethink your plan as you go. And before they let you jump on your own you have to parajump first.
Jumping off a cliff or a building or a plane. Must be terrible, because IF you would change your mind in mid-air, you'll be dying screaming in terror and fear of death. So I wouldn't recommend it.
However, I wouldn't recommend suicide at all. I would recommend finding your own goal in life
You don't necessarily die if your parachute doesn't open. Some people survive.
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