Tuesday, February 19, 2008

77 Days Left...

Dear diary. Today sucked. The end.

If there weren't this many people reading my blog, that's where today's chapter would end; but since I suppose I can't disappoint my readers I'll force myself to write a little more. Basically, I had one of those days on which everything seems to work against you. It rained, my internet access got cut off for hours, I broke a nail, ran out of coffee and missed my bus (all in one day), so forgive me for wanting to curl up in a corner and sob, I think I have good reason to.

Seriously, I'm not emo, but on days like these it does feel good to play some Arcade Fire on maximum volume and coil yourself into a ball under your sheets and just sob it all away. I don't care what people say, but crying is very relieving in my opinion. It's almost like yoga, only more expressive, which means it's just better per definition.

Anyhow, it's been decided that I will be wearing "dress" number 5 on the day of my suicide. Ironically it's the lingerie my mother wore on her wedding day, she passed it on to me because she thought it was special I guess. Wonder how she'll react if she'll find me dead in it in 78 days. Maybe she'll feel just a shred of the discontent I'm experiencing now, in fact I hope she does, then at least someone will understand me.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

FIRST!

Anonymous said...

i dont think that you should kill yourself with that clothes everyone voted 5 because they didnt know what it was for
i belive that 1 or 2 maybe 3 will be better
but please dont suicide D:

Unknown said...

I hope this isn't real...If this is real, I hope your friends or family stop you from doing this. Also I thought about what you said about no news networks covering this. I think it would be socially irresponsible of them to report on your story. If your story becomes national news it could potentially spawn a whole bunch of copy cat suicides. So my point is that you shouldn't interpret the lack of coverage as a nobody cares about me mentallity. People care about you more then you know.
Anyway, I hope you change your mind and find something else to live for. If I were your friend I wouldn't let you do it, because you would be my friend and I would miss you.
Bye, Brent

Anonymous said...

"I'm not emo"
No, Tania, you're not emo, you're just writing a blog counting down the days until you commit suicide. Nothing emo about that! =P
I love this project, the whole thing is a very clever satire on this dark internet subculture. Hope it works well for you and stops at least one other internet user from "doing the deed". =)

Laurel said...

I'm on day 9, doesn't feel any different than day 90.
oh well, just goes to show what little meaning I have.

Anonymous said...

Hello beautiful Tania :)
I hope ur not killing urself. I would make me very sad. :,(
But if u die i hope Athene will ressurect u. U know, since he is a Paladin :P
Anyway, i hope u dont do this.
Athene needs his bitch! And so does i!

Kisses and hugs
Kalli199

Anonymous said...

Bad day? Lets see.... I was telled that they will kick me out of my training place, and (lets translate that literally:) "You will never get a working place in the public utilities" <- this is what I was told BEFORE Lunchtime o_o

another great day, particularly I dont know what to do right now, I think I have to sleep on it for a night.

In this sense: good night!

Blitzkreig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

lol sorry but you have the WORST taste in music...my chemical romance and arcade fire? *barfs* catcher in the rye is a good book though lol...

i'm glad this is not for real. :)

Anonymous said...

ur a dumb attention grabbing retard! we all know your not going to do it ." no great wars" i love that your quitting life because u dont see any battles to be won , no personal goals to achieve ? to me it seems like its some kind of attention call to get hits on your web site who knows, but i can put MY life on the line that u will NOT kill yourself.

Anonymous said...

Her real name is Jessica Lee Rose.

Anonymous said...

If this is an art project, it's fantastic.

If not, whatever problems you have now, you'll look back on in ten years, and think little of. A lot can change for a person.

Also, there's no god, so be happy your matter is sentient for a little while, and make the most of this time. It's a pretty unlikely thing to be alive, even more so to be sentient, and even more so to have a mind capable of making a decision like wanting to commit suicide. It's also pretty lucky to live in a time when you're not constantly under the threat of physical violence, have rights, live in a democratic state, and can get an education.

It's too bad if all that's not enough for you.

Anonymous said...

I hope you guys have good lawyers because if some
messed up kid decides to copy-cat this "suicide' and points the finger at you in their note then the chances are pretty good you'll be sued.
We don't really need this snuff-film wannabe hoax - and if someone takes their own life after being influenced by this B.S. then you'll have blood on your hands.
Besides, if "Athene Wins" no longer features his
"eye candy" girlfriend your viewership will drop like
a rock. And we know you really don't want that to
happen now, do you?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to be the one to say such things, but damn. This is just stupid.. Why kill yourself, AFTER you become famous and you have all the opportunities you can dream of? Gees. Go live your life. It's much more interesting than mine, and i'm NOT going to kill myself!

Anonymous said...

C'mon, you can't be serious, can you? You're a talented and lovely young girl who has nowhere to go but up in the world and Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I liked to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good Startin making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you guys are doing. MovieLol, tall me if I am wrong, is a project to gain as much fame as possible, is it not? First athene, and now you, both linked to eachother and brilliantly played out to get the big wheel if reputation going. Every wow player knows about you and athene, and this blog is created to widen that group. Tell me, what are your plans after you achieved your current goal?

Unknown said...

Noo Tania, noo!
Bus + net, don't wait 77 days, kill yourself now ;/

Anonymous said...

THIS IS AWESOME,POST VIDEO OF YOUR DEATH :D

Unknown said...

Whoever said that this is Jessical Lee Rose, is a dumb cunt. Thats all you are, a big hairy cunt.

Anonymous said...

Click on link that says "Suicide Isn't Sexy" and you will understand this site.

Anonymous said...

SO THIS IS FAKE ?
MOTHER OF GOD

Anonymous said...

this is totaly fake..fuck you for scaming ppl!Athene should report u to Blizzard u scam ppl!! :@ :@

Anonymous said...

Suicide is for Noobs... Athene must be disgusted.

Anonymous said...

Picked up the local paper today to read about the 17th Suicide in the past year in a local town, the girl is on the front page.

In the article it reads ' Police blamed newspaper and TV coverage for stoking the trend.

Irony has no limits.

At the end it offered the following :

Worried youngsters are urged to call the Samaritans (a free help line for the troubled)on 0845 7909090.

I wonder, where does your diary stop being personal, and where does it begin to be public.

Do the other readers and commentors look at what your doing with awe or disgust, and is it morbid curiosity that brings us back or the hope that its either prank or a sham.

Anonymous said...

Don't kill yourself you are too nice

Anonymous said...

Waarom zou jij uit het leven stappen wanneer jij mij nog niet hebt ontmoet?



ps: leuk thema ik vond athene een beetje saai worden. sterk begin en begong alleen maar over jouw dus leuk dat jij je eigen story nu hebt,

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say The Arcade Fire is an amazing band :).

So Tania, I'll just say I don't want you to commit suicide because your writing is enjoyable to read. So please "Keep the blog running".

Anonymous said...

hey you shouldnt kill yourself!! you are such a beautiful girl! killing yourself would be a waste! You have potential my friend. Stay alive. This isnt the end of the world. WAKE UP! Don sucide man. live for your family live for yourself. STAYIN' ALIVE STAYIN' ALIVE, AH AH AH AH STAYIN' ALIVEEEEEEEEE! :)

starshamy said...

Dear Tania;
it is very sad to know that you decide to put an end to this struggle with our faith.
You know what, I hate losers, and if you raise the white falg to this life i will consider you a loser.
Everyday, when it starts we go through this daily fight with what we think is our faith, but the relity it is not like that.
If we think and believe that we can do something we will do it. It is all bout the freqauency of our feelings, it about our faith and beleive that we can make our own destiney.
We all have that part of extreme power,infinte power, so if we just ignoered it and left this life with all the good things that resides in it we will be losers real loasers.
Dear Tania,
we deserve to have you in this life and you also deserve to have us.
One last thing and i will wait your respond to it, what do you expect to see after you end your life?
some one who care about u and need you in his life
my email starshamy@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

we have decided that if you don't kill yourself, we will kill you. with the "90 day jane" was near impossible to trace, but you on the other hand was a quite easier task.

Anonymous said...

omg my life sucks shit, so I want to kill myself.

Whine whine whine, like a baby. Guess what life is hard because you subservient sheep make it that way. Well life is so hard you chipped your nail, your internet is gone. Tough.

Kids are starving in Africa, world domination is almost at hand, there's a whole war over 2 bullshit religions. THERE ARE OTHER THINGS YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT.. OTHER THAN YOURSELF.

but i guess self absorption comes with the territory of being depressed.

Anonymous said...

that's the fakest looking pout i've seen. but i like the idea and point behind your blog. i wish we had better ways to deal w/ suicide. i hope your point gets across to those that need help.

Anonymous said...

Here delirium! About suicide should not know who, this your business as you to die in what to die. BUT I shall tell one if there is a purpose in жизнт it will rescue. Таня you wish to learn my history write to me.

Anonymous said...

Please make sure you sign up to be an organ donor? Your heart, lungs, kidneys and other vital organs can help save the lives of seven other people. This is the ultimate iPower...the power to give life to another. Also of course, your beautiful breasts should live on forever. So...please make proper arrangements. We adore you.

Anonymous said...

i find it discusting when u really want to do it and also if u only want pr...

Anonymous said...

hi tania, i find it discusting when u really want to do it and also if u only want pr... thats not funny

Brittney said...

I have leukemia.

I go through painful horrible unthinkable treatments multiple times a week, pain that you probably never, ever experienced in your entire life. Everyday, I am told I am going to die. Unlike you, I do not have a countdown of when I will die. I do not have a set date that I will certainly come to my life's end. How lovely that you have that luxury.

The fake pouting in your video is pathetic. You broke a nail? I'd gladly rip all of mine out for one extra hour on this earth. You had no internet access? I would give my voice, my hands. It rained? I would live in a mud puddle for more life.

How pathetic and selfish that you think little stupid things like that are suffering, you call that a BAD day?! Please, please come here and experience a needle in your spine, lose your hair, try living everyday in complete and utter pain knowing you don't have the option to live.

I'm sorry that I seem bitter but honestly, at least you have the luxury of one more day if you choose it.

Anonymous said...

You make me giggle. You actually think people care about your videos? you're a terrible actress, and it's quite clear it's fake. As a matter of fact, the only reason I got on this page was to laugh at you and stare at your chest as you pretend to pout.

Brittney Lynn (If it's true) has REAL problems. But you.. you're a disgrace to be perfectly honest. Why wait 71 days? Just off yourself now.

Anonymous said...

I hope this isn't real cause man I have to say that i'm loving your movie and can't wait to watch more. I'll be pissed if you don't finish it. I'm a huge movie fan and know a good thing when I see it.

Anonymous said...

lol, that looks so fake.

Anonymous said...

I agree that crying is a great reliever...except I always end up with puffy eyes afterwards >_>

Anonymous said...

Your a bad actor. Thats the most fake sadness I have ever seen...

If somehow this isnt a promotion, why the hell would you want to commit suicide? Your freakin Gorgeous and Im sure that is the tip of the iceberg. There is tons to love about this life. It helps if you know the purpose of life too. You looked into Religions, you should look into being a Mormon. They got it right.

Well Good luck or whatever.

Anonymous said...

Why dont you put your talents into helping other people instead of focusing on yourself and how much you hate your life. Your obviously very selfish which has most likely become habitual from a young age. I guarantee if you give service to others your own worries and pains will go away and you will be happy.

Do it Dont waste your life.

Anonymous said...

IT RAINED? OMG WHAT A HORRIBLE DAY! AND YOU RAN OUT OF COFFEE? LIFE MUST HATE YOU. DO IT.