Thursday, February 28, 2008

68 days left

Seeing as how I'm going to be spending some time in bed with my foot on a pile of pillows, I decided I might as well spend this otherwise wasted time doing something useful. So I already started writing my suicide letters.

Here's one I just wrote for my mother just now (go easy on me, it's a rough draft):

"Dear mum

I left you three voicemails today and you still didn't answer. I am tired of being ignored by you so I decided to kill myself.

Your daughter,

Tania."

And there I'll be, dead besides it. I know many people won't understand this, but my mother has the greatest (and I mean the greatest) sense of humor; and if she turns the letter over it will say:

"Sorry, that was my final joke to you, cause I didn't want to leave with a tear, but with a smile. Note that I didn't kill myself because of you, of course, so no frowns!

Love

Tania"

*Sigh*

I'm still working on it though.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok, so u just decided that you were going to post on the net that u were going to kill urself, hmm thats smart ok u are either really stupid or pyscho one... no one is that stupid to post something that says "im going to kill myself in how many days" that is stupid all you want is attention and the fact that u are showing ur body just makes you a slut no one really cares im sure they just think that ur an idoit but be my guest 2 go kill urself cause apparently ur 2 stupid to listen to anyone else.

Anonymous said...

Guess what Princess, no one cares.
68 days too long.

Anonymous said...

dont listen to what anyone else has to say. although i dont exactly agree with you killing yourself either. the fact that you were showing your body doesnt make you a slut. you did it to make your boyfriend happy which is what any normal girlfriend would want to do; make their boyfriend happy. the people who are posting negative comments are the ones who should kill themselves. if you feel like you have to kill yourself its obviously because of some traumatic incident but even if it was, you should throw away your life like that. you're neither stupid nor psychotic. you're being a normal human being. i think you should just ignore everything these other jerks are saying and just keep living. prove to them you're not stupid or crazy because you're probably an awesome person. and i think you're really gorgeous. just putting that out there lol...

Anonymous said...

A since of humor is always a good thing. Even the one that looks at us from above has a since of humor. It is always nice to know even the dead have a since of humor. Well, you are not really dead yet, but you are as good as dead. Wich leads me to another point. Are you working, of course you are not now because of your ankle, but do you have a job. If I were you I would quit my job, and find some way to get a large personal loan. Shoot, if you planned it well enough you could even rob a bank just a few days before you kill yourself, and then donate all the money. Since it was my idea just let me know when you plan on doing it, and I will give you my address for payment. I could even do the planning if you wanted me to. Whoa, I just had this crazy idea of how to kill yourself. You could rob a bank, make the clerk transfer funds to an offshore account, and by then the cops will have arrived. Then you could come out with a toy squirt gun and aim it at the cops. Then they would all shoot you. Then like you said before you wouldnt have to do it yourself, and you still may have a chance to make it to heaven.
Thanks to:
11:11,The Ipower crew and of Course Tania.
-Jason
Familian1111@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Hi lady,

No comments about your letter,

So, they censored your film? Well, there’s another video streaming sites over there, anyway, I think they censored because the first scene where a suspicious FX photogram series appears in the up camera effect from the boy who’s afraid in the floor… Just remove it and put another kind of images, because the rest of the film doesn’t infringe copyright as I saw (even not musical copyright). But the reason where “inappropriate content”, just remix the scenes and try again ;-)

Don’t like the last athenewins video (titled “My Sexy Downfall”) its really Disgusting, each second of it! :-( It should be censored instead your film.

Today’s Suicide song:

- Dover:

Cherry Lee

Sincerely Yours,

40.001 Admirer,

NoReplyBox

Travis Vance said...

you know, this shit is really fucked up. Joke or not. This "my choice" stuff is bullshit. It's not your choice.

None the less, I call shens on this bullshit. This is some fucked up psychology experiment of yours, to see just how many people respond, tell you not to do it, or tell you to do it and get it over already. Either way, that's really fucked up. It's wrong, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You're not making me believe for a second you're going to kill yourself.

Anonymous said...

From your "home page":

"our great war is a war of the spirit, and our great depression is our lives"

You are right.
Nowadays it's a spiritual war, because fighting for basic needs is over now. A spiritual war you refuse to even attempt.

Can't really blame you, I am fighting that war for a while and it takes great courage to go on despite all. Everything is screaming "just give up, sod all, why do you care? It's pointless. YOU are pointless. WE are pointless".

But are we? No, Tania, you are not pointless, because today I am here because of you, so you impacted a bit on some random unknowns, your existance had at least meaning enough, to have me type in this blog. Sounds little? Maybe, but then you had a purpose. You just don't see it. And I can't show it to you because you would not understand. You that say no one understands you, don't understand that you are not understanding.

I am a bit sorry for this (not too much, my life won't flinch when you'll die), because reading your texts it's clear you are really worth living. You are very sensitive and in this massified era of The Idiot Supreme, sensitive and spiritual people are rare, too rare. And you'll be wasted... for nothing.
You are also nice to see, double waste! Why do the nice chicks always die and never those scrabs we are doomed to see all day long?

Look at a random incident. The dead is a young girl. A feeling of waste, she looked pretty too.
All the sensitive girls look pretty when dead, because when you die, you see how they were inside.

I have seen your eyes. I know them, I know them since many years. They are the eyes of the bored, of the goner. Like on so many young people of today, the days of non sense. Where, as you say, you can't find a greater - nor a smaller to be honest - purpose.

Some would fight for their whole life, to see how or even why there is no sense to it. Or even why there is no sense at searching for such a meaning.

Others will just go "fuck it" and cut it short and suicide.

Others are just too coward to try, and suicide.

Others, hide their head under the sand like an ostrich and let life live them.

Others, like me, take life with the horns and challenge it.

One way that comes me to mind:
pointless suicide is just that: pointless. A better way to suicide is to live long enough to experience real dangers, some extreme sport, be a stunt man, cliffhanger without safety nets (and have people record your deeds).
The best way to suicide is not to suicide, but to finish it off with everyone watching you fool attempting the deadly and impossible and dying young but leaving a legend after yourself.

Hmm rereading this wall of text I sound like I want to "save you".
Nah. I just want that if you die, you die with class, not like a noob in some lame car crash, everyone can do it.

P.S. in this whole story of yours, I feel bad for your sister. She's young, she does not give it out but she will be broken by this act.

Don't take this as a dissuasion to do whatever the hell you want, just don't pretend to lie to me and to yourself that she is strong and will digest everything well.
I am an authority in interior pain, I see yours today (admitting it's not all a bluff) and I see your relatives' at the same time.

Not that you care too much, you are pulling the easy way out after all.

studyhardpartyharder said...

no, no, please don't kill yourself. you have so much too live for and are too beautiful, etc, etc. on a more lighter note, find yourself a modeling agent. hate to see that beauty go unappreciated. also, you sure know how to keep a guy staring.

Anonymous said...

Hey, i just want to know the real reason you want to kill yourself.. I know something happened, but things happen for a reason and you learn from them and it makes you stronger.
E-Mail me at nst.onge16@gmail.com, id like to talk to you.. ive seen every athene video and like idk why but i feel weird knowing someone i saw is going to like die. =[ and if their is anything i can do to prevent it id be glad to =] ( oh yeah im 15 so if your like wtf? this guy types like an idiot >.<

duststorm said...

My idea is that you should write tons letters which you can send to your family after you die. Just go to the mail ofiice before you die and hand them in you should be a able to time when they are send.

My grandfather did this before he died. Now evey month my granmother get's a check and a letter from my granfather even tho he is dead.

Ps. It give you something do while you stuck in bed.
pss. Send that brad guy some flowers before or after you die. :P

Anonymous said...

I think this is a brilliantly thought out method of making a name for one's self. Brava, darling. We'll be seeing you on the Red Carpet soon.

Anonymous said...

I have the music for you to cheer you up. Please go to visit this link:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=77443125

May be this song will make you change your mind.

Anonymous said...

I have the music for you to cheer you up. Please go to visit this link:

Loituma
May be this song will make you change your mind.

Anonymous said...

You are a tool. You call people "emo," but you're the one who constantly complains about how bad life is. I know this is just a publicity stunt, but grow the fuck up. Seriously. All I get out of reading your blogs, which I've read about 5 or so, is someone who completely over-dramatizes things and that you just want attention. Well fuck you, you are a moron.

Anonymous said...

instead of writing letters, you should video blog those things. get a friend or write a script to upload them to youtube when you die.

In that same vein, you should also post a video of your death on there. Possibly even broadcast this live. Don't pretend you don't want the attention, because, well, its pretty obvious :)

cheers, and have a happy suicide!

Anonymous said...

This is total Bullshit! If she kills herself, how do we know REALLY? Where is the real proof? It's a sad thing for Suicide to happen, but if you are going to go out, Strap a bomb to your chest and take out some bad guys along the way. North Korea is calling!

Anonymous said...

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Anonymous said...

Have any of you idiot commenters ever clicked on the "Suicide Isn't Sexy" button on the right side of the screen?

Wow, some of you are really dense.

Anonymous said...

cmn get real, u aint funny n if its real, u just fail

Anonymous said...

Laugh, you guys are idiots. Click the Suicide is not sexy button in the bottom of the profile bar on the right.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, life sucks. But why not stick around to see if it gets better. It did for me. Plus, you're writing is engaging and flawless. You're sure to have a wonderful future as a writer. TRUST ME

sami said...

hie

sami said...

i love tania

Anonymous said...

You really need to make the 'Suicide isn't sexy' tab easier for people to see. There are a lot of people posting comments either criticizing, supporting or trying to talk you out of it because they don't realize it's a joke.

Anonymous said...

Please go away. Just jump off a bridge or something you attention whore.

Anonymous said...

You do know if you kill yourself you'll go to hell

Anonymous said...

if you kill your self Ill bye really depressed, so please be joking.Yuo don't want me to be depressed, do you?

Anonymous said...

hey show ur bobs befor ur ded

Anonymous said...

Honestly. My lil brother said that there was a girl that was going to kill herself on posted it on the enet. I didn't really look at your site so I am assuming its over a bf but your prollly not a slut your just in need of attention but I don't know. I think you have some beautiful eyes and I think you should go find someone else it takes awhile to get over what ever your going through but some day you could find some one and have a family to share your beautiful features and have kids shit like that. Don't make your life shorter then it should be. At less make til your 60s.

Anonymous said...

Oh boo hoo I hurt my foot. It hurts so bad I could kill myself, but wait I can't kill myself yet because I have to wait sixty eight days, but by then my foot will be better so killing myself will hurt more. Oooh the Huge Manatee!!! What's a girl to do?

Anonymous said...

hello there! XD how are you? are you a catholic? coz, you know.. killing yourself is a very selfish act XD God will not like that ^^ you want to commit suicide with a lot of selfish reasons... and i agree with the previous post XD if you really want to commit suicide then go, you don't have to let us know that you want to die yah know... you wasted God's precious gift of all... life... your more worst than people who experience poverty, who continues to live in spite of the difficulties they are facing... who cares if no one cares to you? the more important thing is how you care for them, how you'll make them right than grudging to your selfish heart... ohwell it's your decision anyway ^^ hope you'll go to heaven in spite of your selfish act... though i respect your decision or opinion ^^ hope you respect mine ^^

sincerely yours,
C.name: choki ^^
francis_choki@yahoo.com ^^

from: Philippines

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing you are not in the U.S. or they would arrest you and sentence you to death for saying you are going to commit suicide.

Lifeline 800-273-TALK said...

If you're feeling that life isn't worth living - please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (United States). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. To learn more about the Lifeline, visit the MySpace profile: http://www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionlifeline or the website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Anonymous said...

Guess what retards its 100% fake click the DIGG article and read something, god your all REALLY REALLY dumb...this is exactly why people SHOULD kill themselves and rid the world of morons.

Anonymous said...

hi everyone... i think this is pretty cool. i don't know what that girl is trying to do but somehow a lot of people care :) seems like she's testing everyone... if not well ok. everyday are dying hundreds of people that i don't know... i'm not crying all the time. orrrrr she's a manic.. seriously.. who know ?? she knows... the BIG MYSTERY... however i myself needed some time to write this post... so she already won... chapeau madame ;D

Anonymous said...

Yes hunny in fact showing your body on the net does qualify you as a slut. She needs to stop putting up her sisters pictures. Can i please have the directions to your house i will give you a gun and then i can post it on youtube and label it "the dumb slut who killed herself on the last day with my help" And dont you think that the only reason that your boyfriend is staying with you because you are showing him your body, so ya bitch i mean anonymous person dont even start shit on my comment and by the way if she is stupid enough to kill herself then go for it but i actually have a life to live and im not gonna fuckin kill myself so ya you need to shut the hell up cause newsflash bitch we dont fuckin live to please you

Anonymous said...

*you are just pretending to become a trend*


Never really met that lazy person who would not work hard (introspecively) to FIND (this is rubbish, not "the meaning of life") but the WHY THE FUCK I EXIST

I'm neither encouraging nor discouraging to your decision.
just do it aware. whatever it is you do.

and yes, my english sucks hard.
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