I attended class today, just like I normally would.
It's rather odd, come to think of it, taking notes and actively participating in a course that I will be leaving unfinished when I pull the plug in 79 days, but as I said before I will live my life as I always have until that day.
One of my friends told me today that I was the best friend she ever had. She was in a downer about her boyfriend breaking up with her and I guess she just needed a shoulder to cry on. I borrowed her my copy of The Black Parade, told her it would cheer her up and she should just listen to it before going to bed. Haha.
Seriously though, I really find myself being emotionally more distant and callous, knowing that I will be gone with the wind in 79 days, even though I know I should care about my friends and the impact my suicide will have on them. What's funny though is that my elder sister is expecting a baby in less than three months; and she's this very spiritual person, she's into astral projection, tarrot reading, reincarnation, the whole shebang, so if I die around the same time she gives birth to her little one, she'll probably think it's me.
It cracked me up before I went to sleep last night.
P.S.: someone e-mailed me saying that I should bang the German guy I mentioned yesterday, who still lives with his mom, because he probably doesn't get much pussy and his life might suck. I'm considering it, but I won't make any plans or promises yet.
21 comments:
first!!
So why does the 'Suicide isn't sexy' say 'Tania's fictional blog'? People are taking this way too seriously if the blog's just fictional.
i think i understand why you're doing this and the way in which you have chosen to document it. emphases on "think".
i neither that you live or die. yet checking back on your suicide page, i find myself wondering why i do so?. the only conclusion i come to is that it presents itself some some sort or entertainment factor, if not some form of art. many great works of art are only realized once the artists have passed on.
then again this could all be a trick of some sort. even when/if i see your dead body in a video i have no reason to believe it's true. hopefully you'll make it on tv. fox news maybe.
@findyourplace..
CLEARLY if you read around the site it's just a made up story to raise awareness about this kind of thing. Of course this isn't real, fool.
Hey Tania, why are you posing all the time?
To be honest, your blog is rather boring, but I prefer that to it being real. By the way, did you hear about this crazy suicide in Germany recently:
http://www.spiegel.de/international/germany/0,1518,534781,00.html
well it's good your considering it I mean the less you can do is try to make as many people's lifes less miserable as you possiblely can I don't have a good reason it just seems like you should.
I mean if your gonna kill yourself your either unhappy or bored. I was also thinking when your dead what then? You said there is no goal in life what's the goal in death? Do you belive in an afterlife? What if death sucks more than life? Is there an After After life and so on? Lol... Which is why I feel bad for you. Who knows what is next that's why I don't just say the heck with it when I'm a bad day/week/month/year. That and I know how it will be for others. You already said your alright with out others feel but what about yourself? Once your dead there's really no turning back Unless you got a friend who knows witch-craft lol.. and since you don't know how death is going to be you should live. You said that your just going to live life always. When I think you should live do stuff you never do. Go rob a bank skydive. Do something wild so when your in the deep nothingness that is death or whatever the hell is next you have something to remiber and enjoy. I mean what do you have to lose? (sorry for spell gramer and how long this is)
- Much Love,
Me
I hope that what you are writing is not true, that you are NOT considering taking your life.
You are a creature created in the image of God and in taking your own life you are choosing to reject God's gift to you, of life.
If you feel a lack of purpose in your life, you could consider helping others who are less fortunate. This would give a purpose to your life. I hope you will consider that.
Thanks
Bill
Tania, Tania...
Whilst it may seem a good way to reduce your carbon footprint, your act will be an abomination in the eyes of our LORD. (insert crucifix smiley)
Have you thought about Salvation? Have you thought about seeing eye to eye with Baby Jesus? Have you thought about Tithing to God's favorite church? Have you considered becoming a True Christian (TM) ?
About the German guy... that would be fornication, and it would make Baby Jesus cry. (and it would make bunny cry as well)
As it says in our Bible (KJV 1611 only please):
Ezekiel 16:15
But thou didst trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renown, and pouredst out thy fornications on every one that passed by; his it was.
If you need spiritual guidance, you know where to find us! (that's landoverbaptist.net for our slower readers)
YIC
Bertus
Are you going to kill yourself because Athene hit you in the head and back with basket balls? The head shot looked like it really hurt. Will Athene or the all sexy Furious be present when you do it?
Pix or it didn't happen (when it does).
-sincerely Steve
you shouldn't commit this act. there is a lot in this world to do, a lot to explore, a lot to save for the other world in which every one has to go. committing such act is like exiting the gold mine by whose gold you can live and prosper as you wish in the hereafter. Have firm beleif in one god creator of all and help people you will feel the happiness flowing in you by helping the needy people. And please stop this counting this is all what i wanted to say.
Contradictions and Issues
1.People who are going to die and think the world is pointless and going to hell don't leave behind stuff for the needy.
2.You posted the following, "Anyway, I'm considering the offer because I think the world should get an unbiased view on suicide and on suicidal people. Most of us are probably even more intelligent and thoughftul than most 'normal' people. We're just smart enough to see that there's really no goal in life."
Now you're making suicidal people seem arrogant.
3. You're hot. You're not exactly the embodiment of an average suicidal person.
4. I know you're trying to raise awareness, but find another way. Truthfully, you're just wasting your time.
Cookies!
Wow, I think I really learned something the last say 5 days I came by: Many people on the internet don't really read but go for buzz words. And still they care to utter their opinion! And it's not like they had something new or useful or deep to say.
I'd consider this for ipower: Having an opinion and acting on it is good, but before that you should at least gather information and use your brain on thinking it over. Opinions are cheap and they always feel so right...Wtf, for my part, I guess, if you stumble around open minded you might end up learning something you didn't expect in the first place.
So, though i consider this blog rather useless, I am looking forward to seeing its maybe surprising outcome. And btw, what's the bad thing about being a media whore?
You're a good looking woman, so can't you at the very least make some porn and put up before you off yourself?
:(
When you say:
"Most of us are probably even more intelligent and thoughftul than most 'normal' people. We're just smart enough to see that there's really no goal in life."
There really are people who think this way: that it's "smart" to see there's no goal in life. To those people:
1) What if you're wrong? And I don't just mean "what if there's a higher power?" I mean, what if you haven't got everything figured out? I'm guessing you don't think you're infallible. People tend to develop their perspective and ideas over time... suicide obviously removes that possibility for learning, reflection and refinement of your thinking.
It may turn out that you're not smart about this, but instead that it just *feels* smart to have settled once and for all on a clear idea about existence (the idea that "there's no goal" for example)... even though it may be wrong. People like to be certain, even about things they can't be certain about. Don't fall into that trap. In time, you may realize how wrong you were.
2) While you're figuring this out, you can set your own goals. You don't need goals to be set for you by a god, biology, nature or anything else. You can make art, help people, find someone to love, become a board game enthusiast, whatever. And all the while, you can take in more information, live more life, and adapt your goals to your greater understanding of things.
3) If life seems too painful or numbing or nauseating to go through all that living... realize that people do get help for these feelings all the time. For example, people recover from despair... even life-long despair.
4) Realize that the worst time to make decisions about how the world really works, or how you are going to react to the state of the world, is when you are dealing with despair, depression, emptiness or other extreme states. Extreme optimists and pessimists can both rationalize their decisions, when in fact both are strongly driven by their feelings at the time, not by sound rational thinking.
no wonder you're killing yourself, the black parade is a horrible CD. I'd kill myself if I bought it also
Njaha nice one about german guy btw i watched all ur vids on yuotube if u will suidcie you wouldnt be forgeted so easy +)Yeaa
i know i have writted bull shit +)Njahaha
P.S sorry for my english i am just russian from estonia
haha, i like this comment:
"You're a good looking woman, so can't you at the very least make some porn and put up before you off yourself?
:("
Gets my support
Hi
Sorry, might be a stupid question but are'nt you worried about your relatives finding this website?
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