Here's a short piece of prose about my death, so bear with me, I personally think it's great but I can hardly judge my own work. I just love writing about it, like I can already experience being dead and seeing everyone sad, it feels purifying somehow.
"Daylight pines away in the night's gentle embrace.
The horizon blazes against the night sky like a funereal pendant as the sun slowly drowns in darkness. In this twilight one can barely make out the mourning crowd, shrouded in their fancy blacks, tearstained faces burried in their hands. A chanting of sobs ripples through the otherwise silent air. My mother and father are kneeling in front of the open casket, their strength having flowed out of them alongside their tears. Everyone who has ever known me is gathered here today, and no one is spared the sorrow. The food and drinks are served as per custom, but not touched. My old teachers, particularly the ones who've always been against me as a student, are now turned away now so no one would see them cry; and the feeling that this is what they deserve uncoils like nausea in the pit of their stomach. My friends welcome their depressions, and everyone knows that this is the blackest of days. And that at least for now, God has forsaken them."
I wrote this short piece of prose about my funeral. I was thinking of including it in my will for them to perhaps read aloud when it actually takes place. The most sane thing would actually be to have my little sister do the reading, since she's too young to be very traumatized by it all, so she'll have the least problems with it. Either way I guess it's my way of leaving my last piece of art behind as well as my vision and wishes for the funeral itself, but I'm not entirely sure if they'll appreciate it or not; my parents have never really taken an interest in my writings.
I do hope to have a grand funeral either way though, and I think I will have one.
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37 comments:
you have to be the stupidest person ever ... i mean not because you want to kill yourself, but because you actually prepare it, you don't have control on your own life... all i wish is that you end up in an hospital because your body is dead but your brain will be fully functionnable. So you'll be able to watch yourself having a way more miserable life than you already do
I hate those kind of sick jokes. "Digg me to death" - what the fuck?
Cretin
What are u on about? Y wud y plan killin urself? Like whats ur reasoning behind it??? I dont know whats worse, U actually going to do it or if its a big joke. Both are just stupid. Look at the devastation suicide as caused in that town in Wales. Ya's are sick either way.
You know what? You're right... I too am fed up with this mindless existence. Never mind polls and blogs -- once you're dead you can't regret anything anyway. So, off I go, see ya when you finally stop stalling.
We should have a little trip together before any suicide it would be great just a three days (two nights) Opportunity to change that dark vision of life:
NoReplyBox
Girl omfg just get normall becuz u are so beautifull u don't have to kill yourself i can't sleep becuz of you :S:S: :|
Well, all I gotta say that either it's real or not, it's yet your choice in the end, I respect anything you choose to do with your life, but in my opinion, throwing it away doesn't make anything better at all, you will just be part of those thousands and thousands of people that every day kill themselves, and people might remember you for some time, but in time you are forgotten, and the last memory that people have of you is the way you gave up on life. So, if you are interested in doing something people might remember you and smile about it, then its also your choice, either way, as a human being, I hope its not real, and if it is, I hope you dont do it. Good luck in whatever you choose.
I didn't like your "short piece prose", write a poem instead.
Palla döda sig själv :P
Dont believe any of this for one second. You are the same chick i see on all of movielol.org stuff.
You are the chick they use to put on the cover page so that people will click the link and move the clips to youtubes front page.
Go get a real life and stop talking about your BS fake ass life.
If you people are buying this, you are as stupid as the girl doing all this
You blog is pretty funny. Poor girl cant deal with the fact that their is no goal to life. Yeah well I guess the only thing i can do is give you a huge congrats on solving the mystery of life. The question I have is why 90 days. Why not today! I mean come on. Your not emo but you decide to diary your dramatic 90 days until you do the deed. Depressing, Dramatic. Sounds fairly EMO to me. Oh well have fun with your choice to pubically kill yourself. I for one will be at least greatful to have one less useless human on the planet. :)
Oh almost forgot dont forget to take a huge dump before you do it. Else you will look pretty silly with a huge deuce in your moms famous lingerie. Peace OUT!
your dam right no one understands you. it makes sense. i get the whole existentialist thing. i'm not stupid. if it's your desire to be done with this "pointless" life, then by all means go ahead and kill yourself. but instead of just saying that your life is meaningless, why not give meaning to it? why not do something constructive for the world of people out there who believe life is worth living? you've obviously attracted lots of attention, so why not use that attention for something positive? do you truly care that little for those that remain in this world that you'd do nothing for them as your final goodbye even?
i read whole of your blog toady , and i don't find anything special, the thing you write and your idea is not different , all we live in world at your age ,have your problem and challenge and a more bit, so all of us ,must be commit suicide ???
i think you must try to write more amazing idea , or i mean wonderful ,something different,
in that case when u die , i don't feel anything,so its better to stay more live (i mean live a little more, and become a good writer, then suicide at top of pride , because every one , ....)
and try to write better and not like a stupid person. good luck at next world , maybe you be the boss of heaven !
My country lacks the oportunities for real developement no matter master or PhD's grade. It kills me. I lack 3000 usd to buy a semi pro video camera and I have 20 years working to live flat, no money. I thought of the same as you except for the countdown.
If you have the money as I think you do, I will receive your donation as you don't mean what people thinks. Otherwise, go, travel the world to see other landscapes than your room, your bed and your bedroom.
This is all a myth trying to get logical face. I don´t think you'l suicide. I ws about the same but not wearing fetish clothes but walking up the mountain, finding a cave, drinking massive downers dose and give up my body to the nature, birds, ants worms. I changed my mind although manic depression still comes and goes.
You're a "chicken Shit"
Miss Derveaux,
You still don't get it. Someone who kills themself is not honored at their funeral. They are not well thought of. They are not set up as an example to follow. Those ideals are set aside, they belong to people who use their lives to the maximum extent. Those who lay their lives down for others. Those who create; those who go against peril & persevere.
I come from a state that the motto is "Ad Astra per Aspera" (to the stars through difficulties). The stars are still there and we reach for them. All you'd have to do is gaze at the night sky to see a future.
If it is attention you are looking for - you've got it. Be a real shame to cast it all out for nothingness.
I am not a member of any of the big 3 religions or any of their offshoots - Christianity, Judaism, Islaam. Nor do I follow any tenet or particular philosophy. But consider this thought - there is no religion, no philosophy, no way of belief that encourages one to end their life for no purpose. And all pretty much agree that the soul, your spirit, will attain what can be called a great nothingness - an aloneness beyond one's simple living understanding if the choice is made to end their life for no valid reason.
A hero will die for a cause, a parent to lay down their own for a child's life. What do you die for? Who? Please don't exhibit such a vast vanity as stating 'for yourself'.
Its one hell of a lot harder to face another day - to open your eyes and see that there are so many causes, so many needs unmet, so much to do.....that you could do, isn't it?
There are wars - you could fight. There is economic stife and upheaval - you could work. And yes, everyone alive faces a war of the spirit and the entry of depression into life - you could try to heal others.
Its not a matter of "Why can't I?(kill yourself, that is)" no, its a matter of taking the tool of life and doing something with it.
Selfish people commit suicide. Uncaring and hateful people do so as well - after all, think of the hurt you will cause to those loved ones you imagine gathering at your casket. Yeah, downright forgettable people 'off' themselves. Or do you merely desire the words over your body to be nothing more than "Why?" - for that is all that will be said.
You've skill with the ('e')-pen, you've moderate looks, you've youth and health. You are alive - I say to you to gather your resources and work magic - effect change, positive change. Its harder to do, yes. But think if you will of what a real legacy you will leave in the future.
Life is a gift from God.
Hey it's me DK from America again... this is my 2nd day to post on here for you :D.
I believe that you are strong with your words. I know you can overcome your thoughts if you try. You may not want to try now, but sooner or later it might set in. Once the days get closer to 0 you'll think, I hope you will.
Have a good day tomorrow :).
at first this was a funny commentary, but 90 days? Can you keep the joke for that long without losing your original message? (If You Had One.)
I like the Ipower and Athene stuff, but the tania's direction is bizarre at best. Don't spread your efforts too thin it may hurt your over all work.
Enjoyed it.
I know how U feel my mom doesn't love me she left me at the mall over night because she forgot about me.
my dad keeps hitting and beating me. he hits me till I bleed it herts inside I call but no one comes It sucks. so I feel U. ware are U doing your death?? OO I also want to say if u need some love or if you just want to talk U can send me a message on malachi.fergal@yahoo.com. bye bye see U later If u want to talk.
Hey, just in case your actually serious about killing yourself. Let me tell you, that according to the Christian belief, the last day is coming soon, in the next twenty years. It will be a sight to see, so you should stick around. Make it your purpose for life, just to see the end come. Think, wouldn't it be awesome to be there as a witness?
you do not want to be killed, is satira, like the "40,000"! you are an artist! ^____^ a kiss from Florence
I don't realy think much about this project, I don't like it, but maybe it'll do something, but you're writing is terrible.
Sorry
so are you really gunna kill yourself?
Another great post today,.. !
Keep going!
Mvision - The Venture Co.
this is sick... i've lost so many people around me who didn't chose to die.. this life is a gift from god you must enjoy every second of it!! Be happy you're healthy and you can do the things you want to do! So many people are sick and every day is a struggle for them but they keep fighting..think about that for a second
une personne suicidaire connaît une douleur si intense qu’elle n’entrevoit tout simplement aucune autre option. Elle a l’impression d’être un fardeau pour les autres et perçoit la mort, dans son désespoir, comme une manière d’échapper à une douleur et à une angoisse écrasantes. Le suicidaire se sent étranglé, rejeté, désespéré et il se déteste.
Tu es comme ca toi ?
A suicidal individual experiencing pain so intense that she does simply is no other option. She had the impression of being a burden to others and sees death, in his despair, as a way to escape pain and anguish overwhelming. The suicidal feel strangled, rejected, desperate and he hates.
Honestly I highly doubt your teachers will give a shit, much less show up. Not because they are cruel people or heartless but because teachers rarely if ever attend the funerals of their students. You are one of thousands of kids they will know, and a handful they know that will die... nothing special. And they will feel sorry for you, they won't feel bad. They are intelligent people and surely they see what everyone else but you sees, that you are doing this for attention. You were pissed that your teacher was going to not let you take his exam because you missed half his classes? Um yeah YOU fucked up, not him, that sounds fair to me.
You are a disgustingly pathetic case of teen angst, and most of the people who will be sad about you dying won't even remember you a few weeks later. And I doubt your funeral will be "grand".
Selfish bitch.
Don't you care what this will do to your sister? She will be forever damaged because of you! How can you do that to her???
sigh, i haven't commented on any of your other posts but this one really hit me, even though shes younger does not mean she wont be traumatized about it
anyone who has created a bond with someone will become so to a certain extent though losing a sibling at such a young age will not settle for a long time possibly without years of problems
i am sorry but i found you to be a more understanding person but i suppose i was wrong this is not something that should be said at a funeral as it would show your bad sides
you expect them to be sad, you expect them to be over your death enough to come you expect it to be an open casket (though you can decide this if i remember correctly in your will) but most people's emotions are far more delicate and will not be over a death for some time
you assuming all of this will happen shows that you think you have made a big enough impact on their lives, hell most teachers forget students over the summer break of course some will remember you and the ones that don't that will be informed of it wont say much to it as they don't remember you
i am sorry as i know better than to insult someone who is depressed (well you aren't really depressed so much) and/or wants to kill them selfs
however i also know when someone is going to hurt other people and i do not like when they do something like this , it is almost bragging
Here's a description of your funeral.
"..."
Yeah, no mourner here to mourn the ungrateful dead.
Anybody who actually commits suicide is the most selfish person in the world. They couldn't care less about what torments other people endure on a daily basis. All they know is how much they are hurting inside, and how no one understands them. You know what, everybody has to survive on their own terms. There's only so many minutes within a day, a week, a year, that sometimes a person is already occupied with his/her own misery; there's not much time left to give love to others, and worry about their demise.
It's life, ma cherie.
Wow anonymous one word.... dick...Thats probably one of the worst things you could wish on someone, to want to get out but be trapped.....you probably dont even know wat its like to be trapped if you did you wouldnt say it.... But anyways wat you wrote T was good, if you have anymore will you post them?
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