So I guess this is what it feels like.
Being on death row. Having less than a week to live. 4 more days after this and I'll be dead. You all are witnessing my final days, my final thoughts. Disappointing as it may be, they aren't anything special or interesting, they are simply my last. No more, no less.
People don't change when they're about to die. They just grow nervous and scared. They feel alone. At least I do. I've written and rewritten my suicide notes countless times, I've cut off my phone lines and locked my door, all I have to connect me to the outside world is my internet cable, and this very blog.
I feel like the last spark of a bonfire, flickering just a tiny bit longer before going out completely.
I'll flicker for 4 more days.
65 comments:
Stumbled into this blog today. Erm. Read some of your thoughts.
You say that you are afriad of doing something that will change your mind... I thought that was wierd. Why are you going to kill your self? My guess was at first that you were sad and unhappy. I guess it's the common reason to commit suicide. But your are saying that you are afraid of finding a spark, a reason to live. An d now i think you have another reason... What is it exactly? Because if finding a reason to live isn't a reason enough, than what is? Sounds to me like you have made up your mind and wont change it. Which is dumb, you owe your self another reason.
What a waste to share that young body with worms and maggots but if that is what you want, who are we to stop you. You ought to post pics of it without the worms and maggots and cloths.
lmfao. you won't do it.
i can understand your desire to end things, but have to question your acting on it. still, i am not in your shoes and do not know the pressures you are facing. as difficult as life can be, and as maddening as our emotions can be (i currently have a mad crush on a woman i dated once who is now married to someone i know from college), things will change, and there is always some other possibility out there if you can wait for it.
amazing how there are still some dumbasses who havent found the button on the frontpage
Ultimate test of willpower: try to starve yourself to death.
Spoilers everyone: click "suicide isn't sexy."
have an overview about death:
http://www.near-death.com/
your too hot to die
Have an overview about death:
http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research10.html
Other interesting articles: time, out-of-body, hell, heaven, reincarnation:
http://www.near-death.com
To know more about other form of existence than human, google for
"the six samsara realm"
This is the famous:
Tibetan book of death
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º º
º BuddhaNet: Buddhist Info Network Buddha Dharma Education Assoc. º
º Web Site: www.buddhanet.net PO Box K1020 Haymarket NSW 2000 º
º Email: bdea@buddhanet.net Tel: +61-2-92123071 AUSTRALIA º
º º
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Computer Studies in Buddhism - Copyright BuddhaNet
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³ ³
³ DEATH: A BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE ³
³ ³
³ By Malcolm Huxter ³
³ ³
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"A soldier named Nobushige came to the Hakuin and asked, 'Do
Heaven and hell really exist?' 'Who are you?' inquired the master.
'I am a samurai' the warrior replied. 'You, a samurai?' exclaimed
Hakuin. 'What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? You have
the face of a beggar!' Nobushige became so angry that he reached
for his sword, but Hakuin continued, 'So you have a sword! Well,
you weapon is still probably much to dull to cut off my head!' As
Nobushige drew his sword, Hakuin looked at him and exclaimed,
'THAT is hell!' Sheathing his sword, the samurai bowed with great
humility and respect. 'and THIS,' Hakuin announced, 'is heaven.' "
(from Kapleau, 1971, p54)
"A noble man asked Master Hakuin: 'what happens to the
enlightened man at death? What happens to the unenlightened man?'
The master replied: 'Why ask me?' 'Because you are a Zen master!'
'Yes,' said Hakuin, 'but not a dead one!' "
(from Kapleau, 1971, p60)
The goal of Buddha's teaching is Nibbana (Nirvana). The
perpetual cycling of birth, aging, sickness and death is caused by
attachment. To develop detachment the Buddha taught about rebirth,
kamma (karma), conditionality and encouraged an awareness of
death. Buddhists consider that the ego is insubstantial and that
only energy moves from moment to moment and lifetime to lifetime.
Kamma, or volitional action creates the impulse that impels
consciousness to be born into various realms and eventually to
death. There are two types of meditation. One centres upon
concentration while the other on insight. One can prepare for
death by creating wholesome kamma and by being aware of the
insubstantiality, impermanence and unsatisfactoriness of
conditions. The wise person learns to be aware and surrender to
all conditions, death included. One can assist another to have a
beneficial death by being honest, trustworthy and restrained with
expectations and value judgements, and so be instrumental in
creating a conducive environment on both the physical and
emotional levels.
The Buddha began teaching about 2500 years ago. He emphasised
awareness and detachment in a present time context. The goal of
Buddhist meditation is Nibbana (Nirvana). To help realise this he
taught about rebirth, kamma (karma), the conditionality of birth
and death and encouraged an awareness of death. The moment of
death is said to be a sensitive and important time. To facilitate
a beneficial death, conditions should be conducive. The living can
skilfully prepare for this moment, as well as assist others to
make their last moment a wholesome one.
The Teachings
Life and death was considered by the Buddha as a cycle that
was perpetuated by craving and attachment. The Buddhist conception
of this cycle not only relates to the birth and death of entities,
but also relates to every moment of a being's life. "Each moment's
consciousness is said to be a product of the fading out and
re-arising of a previous moment's consciousness. The present mind
is thus a unit born from the death of the last moment's mind."
(Mullin, 1986, p18).
The Buddha perceived the dissatisfaction of suffering in the
continual cycling and realised that if craving did not arise
neither would birth, aging, sickness and death. The goal of the
Buddhist is to attain Nibbana (or Nirvana) which is supposed to be
unconditioned and therefore free from suffering. To do this the
Buddha recommended developing mindfulness, morality,
concentration, wisdom and non-attachment and so break the links in
the cycle of birth and death.
According to Prof Jayatilleke (Nyanaponika and Walshe, 1971),
a materialist considers that nothing precedes birth or follows
death. The materialists consider themselves rational yet they deny
one of the most basic laws of physics, the conservation of energy.
Rebirth to a Buddhist is not considered as the transmigration
of a soul or ego; instead it is like a transference of energy. The
life and death processes have been compared to the movement of
energy through a line of billiard balls. (Ananda Coomaraswamy
according to Kapleau, 1971). If the balls are in a line touching
one another and one ball strikes one end of the line it will stop
still while the last ball will continue its momentum and move in a
similar fashion. Similarly in a sine wave, particles of the wave
vibrate vertically yet the wave appears to move horizontally.
Likewise Buddhists think that no "thing" is transferred from life
to life but a momentum or impulse. "Just as, in the present
existence, a preceding becomes the condition for a succeeding
mental state, so in dependence on the last thought-moment of one
life arises the first thought-moment of the next" (Bhiksu
Sangharakshita, according to Kapleau, 1971, pp48-49).
Kamma literally means action or deed (Rajavaramuni, 1974). The
theory is that every volitional action leaves an impression or
habit that will later act as a subconscious predisposition. The
actions that one performs create the momentum for the mind states
one experiences throughout life. Kamma therefore affects our mind
and personality in the present moment as well as the patterns our
life may follow. Mullin (1986) says that there are three types of
kamma. Negative (unwholesome) kamma that leads to contracted and
unhappy mind states. Positive (wholesome) kamma that leads to
expansive happy states of mind and meditative kamma (also
wholesome) that leads to liberation. Kamma is not a fatalistic
concept, because through intention an individual can create
(cause) their mode of existence (result). One does not, therefore,
get punished or rewarded from an outside force; whatever suffering
there is, instead arises from the habits of attachment, aversion
and ignorance, as these tendencies lead to the identification with
a 'self' and entanglement in the cycle of birth, aging, sickness
and death.
Thus a being is considered as a dynamic continuum of body and
mind, in which both conscious and unconscious memories affect the
present existence. For most, rebirth is an unproven hypothesis.
The Buddha taught that one should not accept dogmas blindly. He
did say though, that if one developed the ability to remember, one
would no longer question the validity of rebirth (Jayatilleke in
Nyanaponika and Walshe, 1971).
According to Buddhist cosmology the possibility of rebirth has
many options. Every being creates their own reality; however the
dimensions of these worlds cross over to form a realm. Accordingly
there appears to be 31 levels of existence which can be further
divided into six basic categories; the hell realm, the animal
realm, the preta or hungry ghost realm, the demon or asura realm,
the human realm and the heaven realms (Tambiah, 1970).
The range of heaven to hell can be experienced in our daily
human existence. If one is generous, kind and considerate, abides
by humanistic principles and develops concentration and wisdom,
one reaps the results of these actions and lives with a mind that
is happy and at peace. On the other hand if one cheats, lies,
murders, steals and lives in an unmindful and immoral fashion, one
eventually reaps the result.
Many people are unhappy. Angrily they struggle painfully with
existence and are limited by their neurotic fears (hell). Others
trap themselves by their stingy possessiveness and unsatiated
desires (pretas). Some are just dumb, habitually endeavouring to
fulfil their base desires for food and sex (animals), while others
(such as some politicians or mega millionaires) are obsessed with
power and control (demons). In the human realm most humans live as
humans and use a kind of discriminative intelligence in an effort
to maximise pleasure and minimise pain. Some people live quite a
pleasant existence, they are happy and are willing to share their
joy and material possessions with others. They are in heaven. If
one is observant one can see how some human beings definitely live
in extreme edges, or how at times one's own life seems to be
dominated by heavenly or hellish mind states. The realms are a
creation of our minds. On another level however, beings'
subjective realities seem to overlap and become a collective
objective reality.
Those who have had near death experiences (NDEs) and returned
are convinced of the reality that lies beyond our usual physical
human dimensions. The NDE-ers have reported being in places that
seemed like the classic heaven and hell descriptions, (according
to Grey, 1985). According to Buddhist thought, kamma is a law, and
at death (like during life) beings can be set off in trajectiles
that awaken the various accumulations of past negative or positive
kamma. The time of physical death is therefore of utmost
importance. One could, for example, have created much negative
kamma and so seem destined for the realm of woe. However if at the
moment of death a human or heaven-like mind state arose they could
awaken their human or heaven-like kammic predispositions and so be
born in a fortunate realm.
The descriptions of heaven are many and according to the texts
(such as Buddhagosa, 1976) they range from the normal Christian
type heaven where colours are rich, everything is beautiful and
everyone is happy and well-fed, to very refined states of
consciousness where one feels a oneness with the universe, or even
that they are the creator of the universe. Bhramin or the 'I am'
is said to exist in one of these realms.
Though it is preferred to be reborn in a 'heaven' realm the
Buddha considered that even the most refined conditioned existence
was impermanent and therefore unsatisfactory. The ultimate aim of
Buddhist meditation and lifestyle is the unconditioned or Nibbana.
Traditionally, if one is a Buddhist meditator there are two basic
types of practice one can adopt. One type focuses on developing
various levels of concentration upon static objects while the
other aims at developing momentary (non-intellectual) insight into
the nature of conditions (i.e. their impermanence,
insubstantiality and unsatisfactoriness).
The concentration practices (according to Goleman in Tart,
1975) have a wide range of subjects. Some of these include fixing
upon mental states such as unconditional loving-kindness (metta),
to focusing upon mantras or visions of light. When the mind is
developed with concentration it is said to be able to then
penetrate into the nature of existence. With the insight method
one tries to penetrate right from the beginning, and as one
progresses concentration and therefore depth of penetration
increases. It seems then that both paths eventually meet and lead
to Nibbana. The problem with the concentration method, though, is
that refined states of consciousness can be very blissful and
develop supernormal powers (such as ESP). In these states,
attachment and identification could be easy and so be an
impediment on the path.
**********
Preparing for Death
Negative mind states are painful; positive mind states are
pleasant; Nibbana is freedom. "Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow the
unknown, now is the knowing" (From a talk at Wat Buddha Dhamma,
March 1984, by Ven Sumedho Bhikkhu). Ideally there is nothing to
prepare for, only the awareness of and detachment to the present
moment. It is very rare, however, to find someone who abides in
the present moment detached and at peace. Most people that call
themselves practising Buddhists do though endeavour to create
conditions that are conducive to the above mind state. Even though
Nibbana is the final goal, Buddhists prefer heaven to hell. In
traditional Buddhist countries, there is a general awareness that
one's present life may condition the next, and the people of, for
example, Burma, Thailand or Tibet are renowned for their
generosity and kindness. In these countries like anywhere else
there are socialised customs, and it is common for people to go
and chant at the temples daily. In one of these chants they remind
themselves that they are of the nature to die.
Mullin claims that death awareness acts as a counter balance
to a person's sexual energy. "Understanding our sexual energy
helps us to realise the aggressive, powerful aspects of our
nature. Understanding our mortality causes us to realise the
passive, humble aspects, balancing our sense of aggression and
power" (Mullin, 1983, p4). Elizabeth Kubler-Ross said (according
to Mullin, 1983, p6) "We may achieve peace- our own inner peace as
well as between nations by accepting the reality of our own
death."
Traditionally death awareness has been practised amongst
Buddhist monks for at least two thousand years. Some schools, do
however, differ in their approach. Tibetan Buddhists consider
death awareness useful for many reasons. For some it gives a more
panoramic view of their lives, giving calm, and detachment and so
not allowing the predisposition for negative kamma to arise. For
others it allows a way to develop compassion and wisdom, and so
again not develop negative kamma, by being more tolerant of
others. Some highly advanced yogis actually practice the art of
dying, and become adept with the mind states that may arise during
the intermediatory state between life and the next rebirth. Death
then becomes an opportunity to realise Nibbana and so be free from
the cycles of birth and death.
Both the Theravadin (according to Buddhagosa, 1976) and
Tibetan schools (Mullin, 1986) claim that without the recollection
of death (consciously or unconsciously), one becomes intoxicated
with mundane pursuits, one procrastinates, one's meditations
become mixed with worldly concerns, one lacks energy to practice,
one creates negative kamma and one dies in regret due to surprise.
The advantages of death awareness are that one's life becomes
purposeful as one investigates the nature of life, insight is
developed and death will not be a surprise and so at the time of
death negative mind states would be less likely to arise.
Both schools recommend reflecting upon the nature of death.
Some of these reflection are as follows; death is inevitable; no
being, whether famous, wealthy or enlightened escapes death, no
worldly success can transcend death, life is fragile and dependent
upon many conditions and the time of death is unpredictable.
The way a dying person actually faces the moment of death is,
of course, dependent upon their habitual responses to life
(kamma). Some people would therefore have an easy death while
others struggle. According to many texts (such as Fremantle and
Trungpa, 1976), when a human dies they enter into an
intermediatory state between death and rebirth (also called the
Bardo). Beings in this state (Vasubandhu in Kapleau, 1971) have
abilities (such as ESP and travelling at great speeds), that are
way beyond their previous, if human, existence. These beings also
have intellect, emotion and will. This state still has momentary
births and deaths, as well as a finite time span. The Tibetans
claim it can last up to 49 days, however one can not be sure.
(about its reality or time span.)
Kamma is transmitted to this intermediate being at the moment
of physical death, the process being compared to a seal in muddy
ground. The Bardo being is then drawn up by the force of its past
accumulations or kamma to be born into whatever state is most
resonate with its particular energy. Some highly advanced yogis,
such as some Tibetan lamas, create the intention to be born as
humans and while in their present incarnation predict to whom,
where and when their next incarnation will be.
It would be nice to be able to control our destinies in such a
way, however to most people death, like life, is a time of
uncontrollability and uncertainty. During life people are often
confronted with disappointment as life doesn't always turn out as
expected or the way 'it should be'. Albert Ellis, a cognitive
therapist, claims that much of human suffering comes from
'irrational beliefs' (Davison and Neale, 1982). 'One should be
healthy', 'one should be successful' or even 'one should always be
in love or be loved'. Occasionally expectations are fulfilled.
However when they change (and they always do), expectation
conditions disappointment and there is a tendency to cling and
feel sorrow.
During life there are many moments of beauty, joy, love and
happiness. However, if there is identification and attachment to
these states they eventually condition their opposites. It seems
then that a wise person therefore realises that when heaven like
body states change according to their nature, resistance only
conditions hell, and surrender is the best policy. So at death as
with life he/she is at peace with conditions.
Humans can prepare for death by developing all sorts of
reassuring religious beliefs or by developing high levels of
concentration and so increase their chances of a heaven rebirth.
If, on the other hand, one practices insight, life is just a
constant process of surrender to the impermanence of conditions
and 'death' is just another condition.
For the insight meditator detachment does not mean separation
or disassociation from conditions and surrender does not mean
apathetic passivity. Instead collectively they mean being honest,
open, aware and allowing the processes of nature to occur
unobstructed by views, concepts and desire. In a talk by a
Buddhist monk, (Sumedho, 1983) it was said that the Buddha's
teachings could be summarised into two words: 'letting go'.
Clinging is a cause of suffering, so at death, like any other
time, surrender is the best alternative.
****************
Assisting others through death and beyond.
The law of kamma states that beings make their own kamma and
no-one even a Buddha or 'God' can change it for them. It is
possible, however, to choose company or situations that are
conducive to wholesome states of mind. During life, understanding
friends can help us feel happy and clarify our confusion. Beings
create their own realities; however, it seems that other people
can greatly affect how another may perceive that reality. Some
people are fixed, rigid and destined to follow their habitual
tendencies, while others are open and willing to listen and reach
beyond their ego conditioning.
At the time of death a skilful death friend could act as a
suitable catalyst to awaken wholesome tendencies and insight into
the nature of life and death. A person has the right to live and
die as they wish. It would be a hypocritical value judgement to
tell a dying person that they 'should be' happy, peaceful,
accepting, detached and so on. Kalish (1985) commented that a
fulfilling death for some is to die in a rage. It seems then that
the duty of a death assistant is firstly to be honest as honesty
cultivates honesty, and secondly to be accepting as acceptance
sets the emotional tone for 'letting go'.
A death assistant could be instrumental in protecting a dying
persons rights from assumptions of others. Dr Evan Wentz once
wrote (according to Mullin, 1983, p21) "just as the birth process
can be aborted by malpractice so can the death process." In many
hospitals it is often an automatic response to administer
pain-killing drugs. The decision to reject mind-bending opiates
could be facilitated and so allow the dying person to die in a
state of mental clarity.
Those that know that they are about to die are probably more
fortunate than those who die unexpectedly or suddenly.
Traditionally in Buddhist countries, when a person is about to die
the teachers and monks are invited to assist. The Tibetans claim
that in the Bardo state, consciousness can be contacted and so
have a text written to assist those who are dying, die and then
guide them through the delicate territory of the intermediatory
state to either fortuitous rebirths or enlightenment. In the bardo
one is said to be confronted with peaceful and wrathful deities,
which are in fact only aspects of one's own mind. Trungpa (1976)
says that "The Tibetan Book of the Dead" is more like a 'Book of
Life' as it serves as a reminder of how a being (living or in the
bardo) has lived their life and so encourages them not to be
shaken by degenerative temptations or unnecessary fear.
The book could have limited application to those unaccustomed
to its cultural language. On a practical level Trungpa recommends
that while helping a person to die, a friend should be honest and
trustworthy and remind the person that what may occur is only the
nature or/and projection of their own minds. "When you die you
will have all sorts of traumatic experiences, of leaving your
body, as well as your old memories coming back to you as
hallucinations. Whatever the visions and hallucinations may be,
just relate to what is happening rather than trying to run away.
Keep there, just relate to that." (Fremantle and Trungpa, 1976,
p28).
The moment of death can be aborted so an assistant should be
sensitive to all conditions. Tibetan monks usually ask grieving
relatives to leave the death bed as the grief could condition
sadness in the dying person. In other situations, however, the
presence of the dying person's family could be a condition for the
arising of unconditional love and acceptance, or the opportunity
to complete 'unfinished business' and so feel free to die with an
attitude of peace and detachment.
****************
For the living, death is the unknown (or at least the
unremembered). A death assistant can pretend to know about death
and how to die; however this knowledge is only based on
assumption. We can only know about death by knowing life. The law
of kamma is a law proven with investigation into our present day
to day existence. Rebirth, though to most not a verified
hypothesis, seems a possibility again only validated with personal
experience. Attachment is the cause of suffering. If one is
detached to life, death is no more or less important than having a
cup of tea. Though one can help another die, it is of utmost
importance that an ignorant assistant does not force his or her
value judgements upon one who is at a very sensitive transition
time in their existence. An assistant can, though, endeavour to
create the environment, both physical and emotional whereby dying
people, (and for that matter all sentient beings) are at peace
with whatever conditions that may arise and pass away-die.
References
Buddhagosa, B., "The path of purification. Volume One." Shambala,
1976.
Davison, G.C. and Neale J.M., "Abnormal Psychology". John Wiley
and Sons, 1982.
Fremantle, F. and Trungpa, C., "The Tibetan Book of the Dead; The
great hearing in the Bardo", Shambala, 1975.
Kalish, R.A., "Death, Grief, and Caring Relationships", 2nd
edition, Brooks/Cole publishing Company, 1985.
Grey, M., "Return from Death", Arkana, 1985.
Kapleau, P., "The Wheel of Death", Harper and Row, 1971
Mullin, G.H., "Death and Dying, the Tibetan Tradition." Arkana
1986.
Nyanaponika and Walshe, M.O.C. "Pathways of Buddhist Thought",
George Allen & Unwin Ltd, 1971
Rajavaranumi, P., "A Dictionary of Buddhism", Mahachulla Buddhist
University, 1974.
Sumedho, "Cittaviveka: Teachings from the silent mind" Chithurst
Forest Monastery, Petersfield, Hants, England, 1983.
Tambiah, S.J., "Buddhism and the Spirit Cults in North East
Thailand.", Cambridge University Press, 1970
Tart, C.T., "Transpersonal Psychologies" Routledge and Kegan Paul,
1975.
Just die already omfg.
well why cant you just be a pornstar? it feels REALLY GOOD and if you dont care about life why wont you just sex everyday because it feels really good then when you become like 50 quit then do suicided lmao
well why cant you just be a pornstar? it feels REALLY GOOD and if you dont care about life why wont you just sex everyday because it feels really good then when you become like 50 quit then do suicided lmao
well why cant you just be a pornstar? it feels REALLY GOOD and if you dont care about life why wont you just sex everyday because it feels really good then when you become like 50 quit then do suicided lmao
just another attention seeker
Please don't off yourself! I've a passport; let me come to Belgium and save you!
Well I gotta say, u rly had me there. Genius rly, u should be an english major, the writing is amazing. Had me going till I read the bit under Suicide Isn't Sexy
okay, so basically i just stumbled upon this blog today and i have realizd something. you write a lot about how you hope your family reads it after you die. I say you write one last blog before you kill yourself, saying how you did it, why you did it, and your last goodbyes. then unlock your door and everything so your house is open, open up your blog, plug in your computer, kill yourself on your bed, and put it right next to you with all of your boxes and everything you packed and put into those boxes and put them at the foot of your bed so they know everything. then write a note and put it on your keyboard telling the m to read your blog. that's all. bubii=]
God Please Help her to cancel her intend to kill herself.
Quran Said: "Do not kill yourselves as God has been to you very merciful" (4:29). Believe there is reward from God for those who patiently persevere in suffering (Quran 39:10 and 31:17).
Another verse in the Qur’an that has the same meaning is the following: “O’ you who believe! Do you want me to guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? Believe in God and his Prophet and struggle in the way of God with your possessions and yourselves, this is better for you if you only know. He will forgive your sins and make you enter gardens under which flow rivers, and desirable domiciles in the Gardens of Eden. This is indeed the greatest achievement.” (10-12, 61)
I know what she is planing to do. You know her crew that Athene and other guys. This is not them first act of attetion seeking. Soo one of the guys has some video editing skills. They have made some plan maybe they will make video about it. Do you think Tania will just disappear when the day is come? I don't think so.. I see some poeople interesting about Tanias suicide. I highly suggest you to watch movie named BenX (german movie you can find it internet). You will get some idea what they are trying to do. I can't tell you about the film here cuze i don't wanna spoiler. I know your reading comments in here Tania. Everybody knows that you and your crew set this up this thing. You wanna seek an attention. Why don't you just stop fooling people and spend your last days to complete your blowjobs? Because I remember there are too many jobs to complete hah?
dont do it!
ur obviously not going to do it. you have this, the sex with virgins thing, the 40,000 blowjob thiing, and ur youtube podcasts. this is definitely jsut a huge hoax plus, how would we know if u really did commit suicide? how can u proove it?
Tania you need a reality check.
While you live in truly free and democratic country you take a lot of things for granted. Like for example that Belgian authorities will not storm your house on the last day before the D-day to "save" you from suicide. Nor will they cut off or redirect your mobile phone and internet. They might simply watch by as we all do, that's freedom.
If you would live in North America some or all of the above actions would happen in the name of "protecting" you from suicide. You wouldn't like this N.American kind of "freedom". Then they would put you into psychiatric institution where you would really became a mentally ill.
But you do enjoy the true and respected freedom of your country.
I don't know what the real deal here is, the publicized suicide and blogged countdown but there is however a great risk that you got into. Many guys out there might not find it funny if you would just disappear for some time after this let's say "assignment". Maybe you can escape to become a nun in Himalayan monastery but if you would appear somewhere in not-so-democratic or free country then this whole 'suicide' hoax may turn into real homicide. I just wanted to warn you. I am European myself but better don't travel to North America afterwards. That said I don't wanna generalize that in Europe you would be safe and here are blood-thirsty guys on every corner.
You just better call it off and all are going to accept it with more-less relief. Please.
You wanted to be in control of your last days, right? Not the opposite.
Oh i get it, she's going to kill herself on CINCO DE MAYO!!! haha she's just gonna go to Mexico get hammered then go back home feeling like a reborn person. Death to rebirth, yea she just want to PARTY!!!!!
You don't have the balls. More aptly, you are too much of a narcissist to kill yourself. Poseur.
HI, i dont know u, and so you dont know me. Im from argentina, im 24 and live with my girlf. I think that u told so mucho about you so a have to tell something bout me before speak to you... i dont even know your name, really never read all your post but know what?? i dont really want you to kill yourself... why? i dont know.. is this a joke?? I DONT KNOW. but every time i see your blog, i feel a little bad about everything, i can think things better, you make me feel something else and thats why i really dont want you to die. I konw, ten millons people told you "dont die!!!!!" if that what you want dont matter how many or who told you that, u will die.. BUT i cant stop me from writing.. dont kill yourself, i dont want to lose you, i see you since day 85 and almost everyday i passed by your blog saying "todoy i will write her"... now i do, 5 days to ur death.. =S
im from argentina, my english sucks jeje hope u inderstand me xD i think we can speak about lot of things, i have really big problems. My family, my couple, my life, friends and scars (y cut myself..) maybe u can help me? maybe i can help u with something?? hope to be able to find out some day... so live pliss
i really think u will never write me back but.. hey! who know?? maybe and just maybe you took some of your last minutes and spend them on mi?? i left you some ways.. nylove44@hotmail.com, www.fotolog.com/nylove44, same on flickr, youtube, yahoo.com.ar and everywhere i had been lol the bad thing is, how im going to know is you who write me?? well i just wait that..
As i sayd, please, dont kill yourself, add me to msn and i can chat with you all you need so u dont feel lonely, maybe i can tell you how to spend some time so you reconsiderer to finish your life... play lineage2! that game took the life of my last year hahaha.. yea, i know ur boy play wow but i play it and really dont like it, move urself with keyboard?? plissssssssssssssssss xD
so... i dont really think u listen to me but i tell you something, if you live, u will make me a happyer person, know it!
really hoping to read you in six days... im leaving.
i dont think u are freak, stupid or just a scared child, iveen in ur place so many times, just find something to live for, you got a LOT of people following you, use that! with a part of my love, i say goodbay.-
i dont even know ur name so.. bye wonderfull girl^^
Cristian.
Tania, Please do not do this. If you think your life is pointless, then try something like becoming a missionary, help others who don't want to die but are anyway.
You say "feel life has no greater purpose. We have no great war in our generation, no great depression, our great war is a war of the spirit, and our great depression is our lives"
Well Some people were in there 80's 90's When all of that happened, You are still young and you never know what may happen, And plus it's believed that the world is due to end 21'st of December 2012. So why not Wait that out and see that significant world 1st?
Please don't kill your self.
Peter.
i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
you re just trying to been detected by a rich guy or a porn producter or sumting else which makes money in an easy way
5 days later you friends ll post a video on ur blog
erhm we are so sad tania has left us and now she s lying on her bed , by the way in that scene you ll seem so sexy and thay ll discard your blog in anyway and may be 5 months later we ll see ya in a tv series (as a good result of your company) or a porn film with your big boobs round ass etc.(as a worse result of your company)
anyway comercial is comercial no good no bad
i respect
btw u r hot!
Dear Tanja,
you to me seem very much a smartie and I wonder why some of the insights posted are of a such a superficial nature, like f.i. "death is never painless, at least not to the ones crying for you"? Even a baby-boy of 3 already knows this fact, like the son of my best friend does.
So, do you expect some great insights to life from the posters? Has there arisen any new idea about how life could be conducted?
Not really, right? It would do to become an MTV-starlet, that's pretty for sure and you have certainly and the smartness to, so I wish to see you there when in my fitness-club and looking 4ward to enjoying your gorgeous sight and feeling the relief that your mum and sis have known all this and not have to suffer from a shock like your passing-out on childish boredom and modern superficious internet-psychology-games.
If killing oneself to what one is entitled to was a solution to problems you not at all seem to have anyway, then why are so many people still alive? In Shanghai 5-7Austrians kill themselves - per week as according to a report on tv -, but even them might have lost their life as such and family and more, yet not their healthy bodies, so they should be willing to give up on selfishness and self-pity and devote themselves to lending a hand to ones not so lucky.
If dying was an answer, then lettign die one's life as such is o.k., start something new with yourself, i.e. address yourself to MTV and make it like Tila Tequila or what about enganging into the (no-existing) fight against international slave- and girl-dealing? There one can lose one's life with a purpose and being dedicated and not on trulala.
Besides, file me a reply, if you feel like, would be a joy for me!
Robert
chartistik@austromail.at
so after the 4 days are over and you go to hell -- where can we read how you did the deed?
response would be appreciated.. thanks
Dont have a reason to live, huh? Even though this site is deemed Fictional by the site it is hosted on (Movieslol) A better reason to live is to find that reason, not to give up.
So, if you really are going through with this...
It makes perfectly logical since! If you're bored and unhappy, the thing I always do is KILL MYSELF. Oh come on! You know what, you're bored with life, right?
Then instead of life having to cater to you, why don't you do something yourself. Make something fun! Do something only YOU can do! Stop being on the receiving end of life and start giving to it. If you actually do this, you are going to regret and by then, it'll be too late. So why don't you tell us the real reason why you want to die, and not this I'm done with life crap.
I also find it amazing that you may die and most of these fools only care of seeing you naked. You people make me SICK.
...And, going back to my dark and solemn mood.\
In your clouded darkness...When all hope fails...
You look for one piece of light to guide you out. You hold onto that light, you grab it and hold on tightly, never letting go, letting it pull you out. You take a memory, keep it with you, lock it in your mind. You take that memory as your ticket to live, remembering all the good times, and you create your own good time.
ShadowyGrave94
Can I hit it before you go?
...or after?
You still haven't died?Omg i have to w8 another 5 days?
Dear Tania,
Please don't do this, I saw your picture and I have watched your videos, you are very cute and beautifull girl and I saw happiness at your facea nd full of living love in your heart. I bag to you, just don't do that. I will come to Belgium and I will hold your hot hand tightly. I will look at your eyes and I'm going to fill your tits slowly and softy then i tell you that I love you then we having good sex in the jungle? Then I put out my tools (like dexter). I am going to cut cheek under your eyes with my shiny blade, I want to taste your hot red soft blood. I want to lick there. You are not going to feel much pain at this scene. after that I am going to put your chin getting back your head. I can see your white smoothy neck its soo perfect. Getting by big blade starting to cut your beutifull neck slowly and care. I want to do that to you. I feel much better if i can do. Please let me do this.
Basically i could spend time telling you not to do it but i cant be arsed. Go ahead, do it. could you record it in HD please so i can get a clear view. Cheers
This is not funny at all! I recommend you stopping this nonsense right now!
Killing yourself means giving up and let all the eforts ppl made for you be in vain! If you think your life is senseless then look for a sense! And jokes about suicide ARE NOT FUNNY
DONT DIE! Ur so pretty and young dont waist your life!!
my daughter is 5 years old. I hope I will leave long enough to see her graduating university, getting married, having her own childs ... I am not much of a religious guy but I guess we don't live for something else ... well, you have your own stuff to deal with, good luck and I hope you will find a meaning, at least in your last hours, for your life.
Meaning of life is to give life meaning
I'm suprised to see so many people not caring for this pretty, young girl. Seems heartless how when a person says they are going to kill themselves, nobody says "STOP!!! NO!!! DON'T DO IT!!! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!" Any of these would be good enough, but no. Hardly anyone cares, they don't even flinch. Isn't anyone sentimental about preservation of human life anymore or are we all just a bunch of self-important pigs that would kill their grandmother for a Klondike bar? Tania, I am rather sorry about the collective apathy of many of the bloggers here and if you are reading this then you know that I took time out of my morning to write to you. By the way, I know the truth about what you are going through and the purpose of the blog, I won't say a thing though. Let me just leave you with some kind words. Many people on the net are going to miss you, so please just remember in your last days on the blog that people love you. They really do! Hell, if I met you in real life I'd ask you out for dinner. That is, if a beautiful girl like yourself didn't already have a boyfriend because you could be with who ever you want. Just remember, the internet loves you Tania! Good bye, sweet angel.
Most people are talking about how bad this is that your going to take your life etc. I see it another way. You set a goal and you're going out and attempting to reach that goal. You can't stop you won't stop!
oh my gad only 4 day to fuck you :( that sux
Ecco, mancano pochi giorni e ancora c'é gente che non ha trovato quel pulsante che spiega tutto. Basterebbe guardare un po' più in là del proprio naso per evitare di rendersi ridicoli con commenti tipo "don't do it" oppure "do it" o "you're an attention seeker" eccetera. Per non parlare dei vari consigli anti-suicidio...
TITS OR GTFO!!!
call me on my mobile i'll make you happy again. If not.... you can always kill yourself!!!
Greetzzzz
06-23142900
Tania, don't do it. Your life has so much meaning that you aren't able to see. You need to get out into the world, the world sucks, I understand I really do. You still need to get involved, take an issue, any issue, get involved. I became aware of an issue the other day, net neutrality. What would happen, if your internet provider decided where you could and couldn't go, how fast or how slow your connection would be on the internet. I didn't know or care anything about his issue, but I checked it out and even in the state I'm live in the it is being considered. So, I did a really crazy thing and got involved. I called my senators and let them know what I thought about it. Get involved with something it will make a difference. Your one voice with mine and others can make a difference.
Hey, I love you.
Aff...
I don't think you do it, really!
Only you wants is Attention!
But, you have other 'qualities' to do this...=D
I'm surprised by the amount of people willing to comment without even looking to see if the site is fiction... which it is. Anyways... I completely agree with NEE/I-Power, the glorification of suicide is horrible. Good thing you're trying to get more coverage!
Are you doing a spychological analysis about people's reaction to somebody who anounces he's going to kill himself?
If so, I bet it must be quite interesting.
Anyway, if you allow me to make a compliment I would say that you're a quite charming.
choose life, that you might live...
even though i doubt you will do it, it just shows how much of a coward you are. go ahead and reply with whatever psychological (oh no i have a crappy life) babble. People have it way harder than you and you are to stupid to see that, i pity you, but wish you the best.
well, i think will be nice to have people so smart like ur group , but people that also do something with it like u. I am one of that big vision person, but that reason isn't for u because is a benefict for us, if u want suicide because u don't want stay here, that's a shame ... for us, but the important thing here is u ... IF YOU WANT to do more for this word i hope u stay here with ur group. bye bye!
sry 4 bad english
Q_Q...
Stupid (attention-)whore.
In a few days you're gonna tell that you changed your mind.
Lowlife !
I'm confused, you are both going to sleep with virgin guys to promote net neutrality, And kill yourself in 5 days? how does that work?
let me know
-arcadiave@hotmail.com
come on 5 days $10 says this girl wont do it, its probably just a publicity stunt.
Can I fuck you first?
I shall be greatly interested in acquiring your cadaver, for a large sum of money of course. Do 25k, in euro, sound reasonable? Sure, "Suicide isn't sexy", but how can you say no to a fresh, juicy corpse?!
why did you have to get sad? why was it so important to force yourself to be sad? why couldn't you happily commit suicide? it's not like it's impossible. in fact, the adrenalin and endorphins would render the process nearly painless, regardles of how it happens.
and rather than enjoying your last moments, like a lot of people try to do, you're staying inside and just waiting for the day! and what about your body? have you made arrangements? are you an organ donor? it is going to something that helps people? will it just be burned or buried? you could save lives with all those healthy organs! and for that reason, I suggest against poisoning yourself.
I honestly think you should tell your mom and sister. they'll want you to not do it, so you need to plan ahead with a convincing argument for going through with it "I've got to do something with my life, even if it's ending it" or something to that degree? also... how will we know you're actually dead? I mean, if you just stop posting, it's not really concrete evidence. is somebody else going to log on and tell us how it happened? will there be a video out there somewhere circling bittorrent?
*hugs* die happy
Well i think your just a fucking retarted piece of shit. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU GO ON SAYING LIFE SUCK. GIVE ME ONE FUCKING ANSWER. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. WHEN I'M DOWN I DONT GO ALL PUSSY LIKE YOUR LITTLE ASS AND BREAK DOWN LIKE A FUCKING LITTLE PANSY. YOU THINK YOUR COOL YOU THINK LIFE MAY GET BETTER IF YOUR GONE. NO FUCKING WAY IT GONNA GET BETTER. YOUR MAKING IT WORSE. ALL YOUR DOING IS MAKING PEOPLE SAD AND AT THE LAST SECOUND YOUR'RE GONNA SEE THE GREATNESS LIFE HAS TO OFFER. JUST STAnD UP AND GO FORWARD. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHERE EVER YOU GO. But you just may not be ready to take it on yet.
There's an old acronym that applies here: RTFM. Read The Friggin' Manual... or put it in any other words you want. Have to agree with one of the rational anonymous posters here who noted that it's amazing how there are still some dumbasses who haven't found the button on the front page.
This is an amazing blog with an even more amazing message, and no, suicide isn't sexy!
People, please go read everything before overreacting and commenting here!
lol, bottom comments are amazing. The psycho ones that is. -wave-
redoctober, you're a dick. What if it was real?
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